Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Feelings of guilt

I have been so self absorbed recently, seeking to find happiness and fulfilment. Then knowing how Sir's departure would make me feel I went off to France and while I did fun things and house maintenance that needed doing I was just thinking of myself.

But now I am feeling guilty. My dad is really unwell and my departure left them alone - one brother on a trip to Mexico and the other working - and they had to manage some really terrible difficulties with his health.

What kind of daughter am I? How can I call myself a nurse? How can I treat my own family in this way.

This has got to stop. I must get a grip and if that means leaving Sir and my submission behind for a while that is what will have to happen.

It might be my lack of a night's sleep speaking - don't you just hate the feeling that you have had a lovely deep sleep to find the clock has moved about 20 minutes since the last time you looked.

But I know I must concentrate on some very important things right now. This illness is going to take my dad from us and I really do need to sort out my priorities.

7 comments:

  1. Joolz, you were in no condition to truly help your father. You needed sometime to yourself. That is not selfish, it's reality. You are now refreshed and recharged, which will mean better care for your father.

    Breathe. Regardless the situation, you are allowed a time out. You are allowed to be a little selfish. You are allowed to hurt! You are allowed to think of "me". You did not leave your dad without anyone. He had someone. You cannot always be the "go to" in your family. Your brother's managed. Don't let guilt take away from you putting your mental and emotional health on "sick leave".

    I am sending many prayers your way!

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  2. Joolz. I have been keeping up on your blog for sometime now. I have never posted a comment before. I enjoy reading and thanks for your sincere thoughts.

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    1. Welcome and thanks for commenting :)

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  3. Hugs I am so sorry to hear that about your dad. You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  4. You must take care of yourself First to be of help to others. We are thinking of you

    Steel

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  5. Thanks all of you, your support means so much xx

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  6. thinking of you and your family

    L x

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