Saturday, 31 May 2014

30 days of submission revisited - Days 12-16

The last day of May and another few days of 30 days of submission revisited. 

12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

This girl can't imagine that she would ever wish to include her entire finances to anyone else. The financial security that she has now is down to her own hard work and she has been badly burned in the past by her own husband and family members. As someone who once had to cut up her debit card and send it back to the bank and then was forced to use a joint account for years, this girl intends to always keep her finances within her own control.


Having said all of that. This girl thinks there might be some particular occasions that she would like to give her Master particular elements of financial control. The first thing this girl is thinking about is their impending trip to Lisbon (towards the end of June). This girl likes to pay her way, but is used to controlling all the finances when on holiday and finds that very stressful. This girl would like to suggest to her Master that she give Him her spending money and then He controls it. That way she gets to completely submit (they have already discussed that He should control her access to her mobile phone for that trip) to Him for those few days without any concerns at all. She can devote herself to Him. This girl thinks she would like that very much.


13) Is sexual availability, being available to your partner at any time he or she wants, part of your submission/? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

This girl, being the slut she is loves this part of her submission. Part of it is definitely the fact He wants and demands that availability, makes it clear how much her availability is a turn on for Him. Master likes His girl without underwear when they are together; He likes to be able to touch Her intimately when they are out in a public place. This girl is all for the whole slutty humiliation thing. Limits? Well, of course this girl can't be with Him the whole time. Otherwise though this girl puts her trust and her body in the hands of Her Master on this one!

14) Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?


There is no religion in this relationship other than the fact that this girl worships Master and particularly His cock. That this girl guesses wasn't what was being asked.

15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?


This girl's submission has not only evolved and changed since her first D/s relationship, but has also done so over the past 4 months since she and Master met. What is more this girl feels there is more much more to discover on that front.

As of today, this girl has not seen her Master in the flesh for 3 weeks and 3 days. That time of absence, while incredibly difficult has given this girl and Master time to think about their relationship and about this girl's submission. This girl knows that her Master is looking forward to her learning about herself as His slave. A journey that this girl is really just about to embark on. 

Some subtle changes are about the way in which this girl is willing to give up the power and control she has over herself and much of her life to Him. Gradually this girl feels herself becoming a more relaxed and thoughtful person, but one who knows where her priorities lie. There is much more to come on this area of girl's life. This girl knows that Master is looking forward to nurturing it. 

16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners / relationships? If you're involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

This girl imagines that all relationships are different, since all Dominants are different. It stands to reason that there will be different expectations and needs and in order to be able to meet those needs the submissive may well need to adapt and change a little. This relationship though is this girl's first proper D/s relationship and consequently she is finding out what submission means and feels like in a whole new way. Master has the experience to guide his girl and what is more He is clear about what He expects from her. This makes the changes easier to manage, in fact they pretty much happen without girl noticing till afterwards. The changes relate to her behaviour both when they are together and apart, to the way in which He reminds her she needs to concentrate by switching into the third person with her, by the way she dresses for Him, knowing it pleases and by embracing the pain and humiliation He gives. This girl knows who owns her, all of her.


Friday, 30 May 2014

End of a difficult week - what this girl has learnt

This girl's emotions have been all over the place this week. It is still hard to imagine how it is that this girl can feel almost euphoric one moment and then anxious, afraid and tearful the next. What this girl has learnt this week though is that rather than always covering up her feelings and just trying to cope, there is usually someone in life who will help you through. Or of course share the good things in life.

The contact with Master has helped, even when we have discussed difficult issues. He is an amazing source of sensible strength to this girl. Plus His wry and often a little left of centre, sense of humour makes this girl laugh even when she is feeling down.

As this girl has mentioned before, she doesn't always find it easy to make friends. But suddenly this girl is making new friends in new ways. Ones who she doesn't have to hide certain areas of her life from. This girl is discovering a network of people who can support each other and share times, both good and bad.

Being there for family is easier when you are being supported by others, whether they are friends, family or Master. This girl's dad has deteriorated a little more, and yesterday was spent in a hospital trying to get his pain management sorted out (thankfully with success). While this girl was tired when she got home, she felt that something good will come of the day. In the past, given that hubby and son were home, she would have passed up the chance of an hour with Master. But having realised what is important to this girl's well being and to His, she didn't do that. As the relationship with hubby moves to yet a different phase - one where he has to recognise this girl has other important people in her life who are not part of his - that was an important step.

So the weekend approaches. This time this girl will mix getting things done with having some fun with friends and also with family. Tonight a chance to see a nephew and niece that this girl doesn't see often enough.

Then after the weekend, Master will be on His way home. For the first time she can be His slave in person.

This girl kind of can't wait for that, but knows she must be patient.

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Vulnerability and emotions

I have rarely been the kind of person to show my vulnerable side, to let people see that I hurt. Indeed in recent years, even when falling apart inside, I rarely cried. People were more likely to see me display other emotions such as irritation or anger. Often people may have wrongly labelled me and definitely people have found me a little unapproachable, scary even.

Over the course of many years, I have built barriers around me. Scared that by showing my vulnerabilities people would see me as weak and unable to cope with the normal problems life throws at you.

Slowly though, with the help of friends and of my Master, those barriers, walls even are coming down. For someone not necessarily used to the feelings that accompany this, I am finding that I am more fearful than perhaps I was. Fearful of allowing my more vulnerable side to show when I don't really want or need that to happen. In the past I rarely cried, I hardly ever felt close to tears, now it almost feels that they are just waiting there all of the time.

Yesterday morning, after an almost sleepless night - the knowledge hubby was about to reappear after several days away, too much thinking on my part, a feeling that my productive weekend hadn't quite been fun enough, while Master was off enjoying His - I got into the shower. Suddenly and without warning I started to cry. While the water washed off of my body, tears ran down my face. For a few seconds, I felt stupid. What did I have to cry about? But then, I just let it happen, let my anxieties and fears fall away. After drying myself, I stood in front of the mirror naked and re-marked myself. I told my reflection out loud that this girl, this slut, belongs to her Master (this is a new rule), and tried to get those negative thoughts from my head. Suddenly I felt stronger. More able to face the day. There is definitely something about reaffirming to myself that I am owned by Him that helps me. Added to this the text I received from Him reaffirming that I am not completely alone helped me feel ready to face the day. A coffee which I grabbed on the way into work helped wake up my brain and face a day in the office.

Last evening after work, I got my time with Master. We discussed how I have been feeling and again the tears felt close, but didn't emerge. Just seeing him and feeling His support and understanding of my needs made me feel stronger. It wasn't that I didn't feel I shouldn't cry if I needed to, it was that suddenly I didn't need to.

I am vulnerable right now, and I acknowledge that. But with the support of my friends and my Master I will emerge stronger and more able to deal with what life throws at me, perhaps without seeming unapproachable or in the least scary!

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Blog Tour

i so love the idea of a blog tour,  a chance to show people around here and then to point them in the direction of more blogs - those that have nominated and others that i love to read.

Personally i like to think of us in the dream machine (though it actually seems to be called the mystery machine), with shaggy and scooby-doo and that blond guy, but that's another story. Personally i am more velma than the good looking slim one, but then no doubt velma is the interesting one!


i was invited on this tour by my good friend destiny, her blog Reclaiming "destiny" is just a few weeks old, but already she has shown she has some profound things to say about her thoughts and feelings about her Master and her position as slave to Him. Secondly i was nominated by BetsyT, her blog My life as a sexually submissive woman speaks to me in a many ways.

I recommend both blogs to anyone who doesn't already visit regularly and read their regular posts.

What is behind this Blog Tour?
It's pretty simple. Answer the 4 questions about yourself and post the answers on your blog page and then invite a few other bloggers that you admire to join in on the fun and include links to their blogs on their page.

What am i working on at the moment?
It is only a week ago that i accepted my Master's offer to become his slave. He is currently away so there is lots to be worked on here. Once He gets back in a week or so, i am sure that i will be given much to consider. But already i am thinking about how i give myself to Him completely and allow Him to take complete control of me. 

What is more, this is a polyamorous relationship, so there is much to be worked on there. This will be ongoing for some time to come.

Why do i write what i do?
First and foremost i write for myself. To better understand myself and how i feel about situations. This is my submissive journey and a way to document my progress. I am going through some significant life changes, so again i write to allow reflection on that process. More recently i write to allow my thoughts to come to Master's attention so that He and i can consider and discuss them in a safe place. Finally I do occasionally write so that others can find out something about me. Such as this tour. 

How does the process work?
Usually i consider themes or titles during the course of the day, whether when at work, commuting or lying in bed. Then i often begin to construct sections in my head, though that often changes. Sometimes though I have something burning inside me, I sit down and just write.

Usually i write what comes to mind, then spend some time editing and publish. Then i go back and re-edit any typos etc.

Only once have i sent my post to another - this weekend, i consulted with Master about yesterday's post but only so i could be sure i had the right balance. This is a place where what i write are my own thoughts and nothing written here can ever be a source of punishment. Occasionally I start a post and finish later, but more often than not i write quickly since as mentioned the words are already there to flow.

3 bloggers to invite along that i admire, read and identify personally with:

My lovely friend "pig" (as lovingly described by her Master) from Thoughts from His Slut
little from willing slut

Priorities

My 300th post, who would have imagined just over 2 years ago, I would reach this milestone.

This girl has been thinking about priorities, about who in her life deserves to come first when she has more than one thing she may need to do at a time. What takes priority, indeed who takes priority?

This girl spent a short time with her Master last evening here, morning for Him. It wasn't easy to talk, he was preparing to leave the hotel He has been staying in and His slave was with Him. But He has given this girl the time as she had expressed that today and the days till Friday would be difficult for her. Master would like to chat around 10am His time, but that is when this girl gets in from work and usually cooks dinner.

After this girl came off line, she felt that somehow she was doing something wrong. Luckily she was able to chat things through with her friend destiny, who asked this girl about her needs and those of her Master. This girl was clear that meeting Master's needs would be her preference and by doing that, she meets her own. This girl hasn't seen her son since Thursday and her husband has just made his regular very early in the morning appearance. Will they suffer unduly if they are made to wait for their dinner, or heaven forbid asked to prepare it themselves? Will this girl feel good if she is unable to speak to her Master just because she didn't put Him first? The answer of course is no. If her Master would like to speak to her when she gets home tonight then she will be ready for Him. He is her priority now.

This girl's submissive education continues and this blog continues past the 300 mark.

Monday, 26 May 2014

Endings

It feels to me that I am not so good at ending relationships, perhaps because I have so little experience. When you marry as young as I did and have been married for as long as I have, there is a good chance that you have not had enough relationships to have become any kind of expert. After a good 18 months of deciding that hubby and I haven't really got a future, the process goes on. Having said that, I am making progress and have a the start of a plan to get me to where I need to be. Also of course, it doesn't help when the other person is resistant to the end happening at all.

Last year I had an ending forced upon me and I discovered just how it feels to have your whole world shaken up and as it were the rug pulled beneath you. During that time in July 2013, |I had to tell people I would rather not have, that I had been having a relationship outside of my marriage purely because of the state I was in. That relationship recommenced on a different footing, but he and i always knew that in the end we would go our separate ways, and so it proved.

I will always be grateful for that relationship. For a start it helped me realise how much more there was for me outside of the confines of my marriage. It helped me to begin to learn about my submission and to find out so much more about my own sexuality. When that end came, he was the one that brought it about, even though I had been thinking for a while that it might be best to. I just hadn't been brave enough plus, selfishly I enjoyed the kinky sex we enjoyed at our meetings.

I am not the person I was in January. I have moved on and have met a man to whom I can fully submit, to whom I can give my whole self, a man who I trust. This man has taught me about my submission in a way I could never have believed possible. He has helped me understand that my submission is a gift, but that gift needs to be nurtured and that as a submissive woman I need to be cared for.

I have realised that the kind of submission I engaged in with S, while in the main fun, also came with it a need for caution. More than once, I slipped into subspace and it is only now looking back that I realise that I needed more aftercare than perhaps either of us knew. When a submissive is in subspace it is like you are slipping and sliding into what feels like a different world. It can feel like the rug has been pulled from beneath you and you are falling and you need to know that someone is there to catch you. What is more, that might not happen for a few days and by then you might not be together in person. If that is the case then you still need to know that person is there for you.

Since we separated for good, we have kept in touch. The extent to which has depended on his subsequent relationships. Lately we have had more contact, but I have been concerned that it is contact that I should treat with caution and perhaps pretty much cease. This week we came close to meeting - a day's geocaching and a picnic lunch. But as the date approached, I realised that this was not the right thing to do. That I need to end things properly, once and for all. The meeting didn't happen, it was he who cancelled, but I know I should have done the at myself.

I need now to move on with my life and face the future with my Master's support. So I am going to tell S that I must end things, as difficult as that is for me and will be for him.




Sunday, 25 May 2014

Masturbation month

Just when this girl gets to engage in lots of solo sex activities she finds that May is actually masturbation month. Sadly this girl missed out on international masturbation day which was 7th May, but she has been catching up a little since. As mentioned yesterday, this girl's Master is quite keen she  makes herself cum as and when she needs to. What is more, this girl's levels of horniness are at record levels, partly because she hasn't seen her Master for over 2 weeks and also because of the clitoral hood piercing.

That piercing has healed pretty well and soon this girl will be ready for a new piece of jewellery - she has been looking around on the interweb for something suitable and has a purchase on her to do list today. This girl finds that while she is not aware of the bar that is inserted in her hood, she is very aware of what it does to her. Even when she is not moving, it seems her clitoris is a little stimulated. When she moves though, then it becomes quite stimulated. If she plays with it with her finger, well it is wonderful. This girl is now wet the whole time. This girl has touched herself since she had this piercing much more than she ever used to, in part because she needs to make sure the piercing is clean and healthy looking but also because she loves to feel it. To feel the metal and the secretions it causes this girl to create. She also touches it because she knows Master finds it arousing to know that his girl does such slutty things.

Writing this now, on a Sunday morning in May, this girl is feeling pretty horny and now must get on with masturbating before she gets up and on with her day.

This girl hopes that those reading here have been allowed to cum a little more this month than usual and that some of that has been in celebration of national masturbation month.

Service

The area relating to service is day 11 of the 30 days of submission. I am devoting a whole post to this question because in this girl's opinion this is the area that there has been the greatest shift in understanding about the role of the submissive / slave. The question is:

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you? 

This is what this girl wrote last time:

Our relationship is not about me providing any kind of service for Him other than that i am there to serve His cock. Our time together is precious; there isn't nearly enough of it. So most of that time is spent doing the things that have previously been described in this series of posts - those things have a high level of sexual content and / or involve me submitting myself to being humiliated.  So i guess that f there is service it is sexual. 

I would happily submit to elements of serving my Sir, but he has said many times that He doesn't want me to prepare him food or drink, clear up after him or to provide any kind of grooming task. Luna KM has a great article on the meaning behind service here, and it is clear from reading it that this is not me and it is not what He wants. 



This girl has learned over the last few months that while providing sexual service is very very important, service for a person who is in a submissive relationship is not necessarily just about that. Instead service for the submissive is about so much more, and this girl is just beginning to get that message.

Master is interested in every aspect of this girl's life. What is more, He is interested in knowing and helping her understand that everything this girl does within her life should relate directly back to her submission. Further more that any task this girl undertakes in any context is undertaken for his pleasure. In short this girl provides service to her Master in every aspect of her life.

Ok, so this has been a transitional week for this girl. She started as submissive and ended as slave.  But this girl is not sure that matters since she already understood the concept. But it was not something she understood at all in 2012.

In 2014 this girl expects to give sexual service, that pretty much goes without saying.

But on top of that she will serve her Master in whatever way He wishes. She embraces that everything she does is a reflection on Him and that when she undertakes a home or work based task she does that task with Him in mind. Master believes that taking this approach helps this girl focus and by focusing being more effective and achieving much more. When it is evident that she has carried out His wishes in this way, He is pleased with her and tells her so.

That makes this girl very happy indeed. 

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Thoughts for a Saturday morning

At last this girl got to chat with her Master again last night. As she did so, she marvelled at the delights of Skype. Indeed this girl spent a lot of time on Skype last night since afterwards she also chatted to her friend destiny, but more of that later.

For a while, this girl chatted to Master fully clothed, even though He wasn't - but then he hadn't actually got dressed yet. This girl told Him about her day and other events. Eventually this girl asked Him about their conversation on Tuesday. The conversation when they discussed this girl's status as His submissive and when He asked her if she was ready to be His slave.

This girl was instructed to show Him her mark, which of course she did. He seemed pleased with it, even though it seemed to have worn off a bit during the day, despite the apparent permanent ink. At this point she also took off her top, she hadn't actually been wearing much anyway. Master quizzed this girl about the things she had been doing and the extent to which she felt that they were carried out for Him - this is something this girl wrote about yesterday on her journey page - she told him how much that was the case and described some examples. They also discussed a blog post this girl is going to write later, one which is difficult for this girl to do and which became one of her tasks for today. This girl imagines that He loves a slave who works out her own tasks! The second one will be more physical and was set by Him. It is to do with the final clear out of the spare room, one which can mean that this girl removes hubby from the marital bed once and for all.

Master knows that while this job was started last week, this girl might continue to procrastinate for a while if He did not suggest that she get on with it. What is more, pretty much telling her to get on with it this weekend is important. If this girl wants to be His slave then she knows that she needs to do it. She also knows this is part of His way of moving her along towards the marriage end, and this is something this girl really needs to happen now.

Finally this girl and Master got onto the topic of orgasms. She is now allowed to have as many orgasms as she needs until He returns from his trip, but is expected to tell him about them after (this girl has further clarified that details are required which will be fun). This girl wondered if she should restrict the orgasms going forward, but the look on His face told her that this was not what He wanted. This girl knows that actually Master believes it is good for His girl to orgasm as she needs to and this girl feels that she might have an increased need after all. It is just she needs to be mindful of the piercings so as not to become too sore.

This girl then spent a wonderful couple of hours with her friend destiny. We two girls are starting to get to know each other well and at present are both separated from our Masters. This girl is finding having someone like destiny around is becoming important to her, especially as they can offer each other a slightly different perspective and understanding on their submission to each other. While we are very different people in terms of our personalities, we are trying to get to the same point. This girl is learning to be less overpowering to people (though she didn't ever necessarily feel the confidence she seems to show), while destiny is learning to have greater confidence to take more control over certain aspects of her life. This girl thinks that the friendship they are beginning to share will only grow as time goes on.

Now this girl had better get out of bed and on with the tasks she must do today. After all she wants to know what her Master is pleased with her and that she is a good girl. His good girl.


Thursday, 22 May 2014

30 Days of submission - The return part 2

The second part of my revisit of the 30 days of submission, which I first looked at in 2012/13

6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

This girl had no idea that not everyone has the desire to provide service to people - to do things for them, to make sure they are comfortable and have what they need. To nurture and care. She did this at home for her brothers, particularly the younger of the two and in turn they let her do as much as possible for them. This girl's mother was only too pleased to encourage her daughter to do as many chores as she wanted, especially in the school holidays. At times ok, she was bossy, but who wouldn't be with two younger brothers? Later she sought to care for her husband, she willingly took on all of the housework and loved to cook and clean for them both. Gradually though, with a small child and a full time job, it all became too much. He and others around her took her for granted. Now, her family just assume that if they call she will be there. There is a assumption that this girl will run around after everyone, to an extent this goodwill has been abused.

Now though this girl would like to think about serving another in a different way. She wants to care for herself and perhaps for Sir (not necessarily in the way described above, though nothing is beyond what she would do), but through her submission. She wants to feel that he approves of the things she does for herself and others and that also she knows when to say no. She loves the feeling that Sir appreciates it when the girl cooks for Sir, for example. But knows that he is pleased when she does the things at home and work she needs to do. While this isn't taken for granted or expected, he sees this as a way she can serve him. She has also learned that she wishes to submit sexually to him, she wishes to feel his control and she wishes to know he is pleased with her. She loves to hear him tell she is a 'good girl' and that she is 'pleasing'. 

7) Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it

This girl is learning to do things in the way Sir wants them to be done and to do things that she knows will please him. So far there has been little in the way of overt discipline or punishment. Sir and this girl have discussed punishment and he is of the view that it is difficult to punish this girl easily given that some of the punishments that could be administered might be enjoyed. He feels ignoring girl and not giving her attention could be an answer, but so far this has not happened. 

8) Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

This girl had little experience of spanking before she came into this relationship. S though really introduced it, using his hand, the riding crop and even once or twice a belt. S though is no sadist and preferred other approaches. 

This girl is in the very early stages of her training when it comes to spanking. Sir has used a number of implements on her and she has received a spanking from His hand. This girl has much more to learn and Sir has much more to give to His girl when it comes to spanking. This girl looks forward to such education.

9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them? 

So far there are few rules. But this girl is expecting the structure and rules to increase very soon. Sir, or Master as He is becoming, knows that this girl needs much more structure in her life so that she can focus more effectively on what she needs to do and Who she does it for. This girl craves this change in her life and will embrace whatever her Master wants to introduce in this context. This girl is ready.

As for limits. This girl and her Master pretty much know what her limits are currently and He is busy pushing them.

10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

When Sir plays with this girl there is much more to what they do than submission and Dominance. This girl loves to be restrained, she particularly likes the spreader bar. She also likes to be gagged and blindfolded. Restraint relaxes this girl and helps her find her submission more quickly. This girl is also beginning to love the effect of the violet wand. She is finding her inner pain slut something she never really knew was there. 

In fact there is very little, if anything that this girl can say she hasn't enjoyed so far (though at the time she would never, never admit such a thing. Especially when it comes to that nasty zipper!

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Master's slut

This girl has been instructed to make a new mark on herself:


The small mound of hair is being grown specially for this girl's Master, at His request.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Belonging to Him

This girl spend a lovely hour or more with Sir, by the virtue of the wonders of the internet. It was good to see Him and to speak with Him. They chatted about what they had both been doing and about her submission. He told her that He wished He was with His girl right then. She couldn't even begin to express how much she wished that were the case.

This girl retired to bed shortly afterwards. She lay in bed, with her plug inserted. Sir thinks this girl is ready for the next size of plug, she thinks he may be right. The combination of the plug and the clit piercing gave this girl a wonderful feeling that immediately helped her to not only touch her submission, but snuggle into its warm embrace. A larger plug might just enhance that feeling.

For a while this girl lay reading her book, absently fondling the nipples that she knows belong to Him.  Since the piercings, those nipples are much more sensitive even to this girl's own touch. As she stroked, so she squeezed her anal muscles and she felt the already wet pussy, His pussy, begin to moisten further. She put down the book and snuggled down further into the bed and began to stroke around the piercing. She played with the little bar across the hood and she applied pressure directly to the cit. All the time she was thinking of Him, imagining that it was His fingers touching her. The orgasm was almost immediate, and it took her a little by surprise. Under her breath, she told Him that it belonged to Him. That she belonged to Him. Then whispering she spoke - It is yours Master.

Monday, 19 May 2014

30 days of submission - The return

Since this girl is in a new relationship and since her submission has significantly changed (in her own eyes). She has decided to revisit the 30 days of submission she completed in 2012/13. Since this whole things takes an age doing it one day at a time, she will complete these in batches.

1) Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?


This relationship is based on Dominance and submission. This girl pretty much submitted to Sir on the first day they met for real. There seems to be something about the things He says to her and the way He says them that have a significant effect. Having said that, she is also desperate to submit.
This girl is at a place in her life where she needs to change some things. She needs to find someone to be properly submissive to. This is not about what happens in the bedroom. It isn't even about BDSM per say, but it is about her need to submit and submit to the right man.
This girl suspects she is slave material, but reserves judgement since the experiences she is having now are so new. The extent to which she can and will submit are unknown. Sir is also wondering about this and since He already has a slave, perhaps He won't be the Man she is slave to. This girl doesn't know and for now doesn't particularly care. 


2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?


Submission for this girl is developing into something that happens more within daily life than before. In the past submission was definitely part of a scene or getting ready for one. Increasingly this girl is handing over more control of herself to Sir, those areas of life where in reality she doesn't need or desire it. This girl sees that more and more she will not make decisions that are important without discussing them with Him and ultimately seeking and receiving his permission to take a particular route. Increasing this is becoming a need rather than a desire.


3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

Over the past 2 years, this girl has learned to recognise that the feelings she has had about herself for her whole life amount to a submissive personality. She seeks always to put others before herself, she seeks to please, she seeks to belong to be treasured, owned even. For many years this girl's life was contradictory, on one hand she did everything for her family, doing pretty much all of the domestic chores including decorating and the garden, providing care for her son, being there and doing as much as possible for the wider family. At family events, this girl was not the one sitting chatting, rather she was in the kitchen, helping with the barbecue, filling peoples glasses, taking the children to the park....
On the other hand, because her husband often couldn't make decisions, this girl usually made them on behalf of them both. Where and when to go on holiday, booking tickets, arranging nights out. Meanwhile he would complain about those decisions, despite not being willing to take any responsibility himself.

This girl now knows that this is not the path she desires to take any more. She needs to give up control in order to find a deeper happiness within. 

Submission for this girl now puts her into a peaceful and happy state. By completely releasing herself to the care of her Master, this girl is able to do anything He wishes her to but without her now feeling that she is some kind of door mat for doing so. She loves to be used by Him for His needs and She needs to feel his control over everything she does. Only then does she feel that inner peace and deeper personal satisfaction.

4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? 

This girl would say that any sign of dominance this girl ever had is fast receding even in the work and family situation. Yes this girl can be assertive, she can and does take charge of situations. But increasingly she finds she can do what she needs and still feel her own submission. Increasingly she is letting others take the lead, perhaps without them even realising anything has changed. To do this, she has made a conscious effort and has been able to do so with Sir's help and support. As far as this girl can see dominance will have no part in her future role in life. 

If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? 

That is not this girl's current role but in future who knows? However this girl would always want control of her own finances and the ability to choose (with consultation and agreement) who she were friends etc with. 

Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

This girl can't imagine being a 'switch'. It is highly likely that from time to time she could be accused of being 'bratty' or even attempting to 'bottom from the top' but often that is because of some frustration coming through. No this girl's Master is in charge and she knows it!

5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

As everyone who has read this blog for longer than a few days will know, this is the second D/s relationship this girl has been in. What is more this is very different. S started this girl on her path to submission and helped her see who and what she was. He gave her a taste for humiliation and for masochism, he helped her begin to see where her journey might take her. But that was not the right relationship for either of them (difficult as that realisation was for this girl at the time He ended things). The relationship with Sir is about much more than the bedroom than the one with S was. When this girl plays with Sir, it is also very different. Sir has an amazing array of toys. What is more, He knows how to use them. This girl finds it increasingly easy to find her submission and to find subspace during those sessions. Finally, this girl feels submissive during her whole life now, not just when she is in bed or playing with a dominant and that is very very different.

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Communication in relationships - is D/s different?

Yesterday, after visiting my parents - my dad is feeling a little stronger now, even though he will need some radiotherapy on his back after all - I spent time with my sister in law.

In truth she is an ex, since she and my brother are no longer married. She is in another relationship now, one where there has been a great deal of lying by omission. We spent 3 hours and I drank 3 cups of coffee (something I never usually do these days) discussing and analysing both our marriages and her current relationship. The common theme was a lack of communication, or an inability to find a common way to communicate with each other. The difficulties I have experienced in trying to communicate effectively with hubby are well documented here and so I won't repeat myself. But I have been wondering about the common threads for us both and how, if at all they are different in my current relationship with Sir.

My brother caused my sister in law great pain. He was unfaithful, he became addicted to cocaine and in order to support that habit he spent a great deal of money that they didn't have. He lied. In the end she called a halt to things and he left. Soon after she got together with someone she had known before her marriage. 5 years on, while he spends most nights with her, he also spends part of each day at a home that he shares with his sister. She apparently suffers from severe depression and he feels a great responsibility for her care. The problem is that my sister in law is desperate for him to prioritise her, and to commit to her. He has omitted to tell her the reasons he feels so responsible for his sister, whose call he always jumps to, often without telling his partner. The  means he may go out for half an hour, and not return for hours or longer. No matter how hard she tries she can't get to the root of the problem, and she can't get him to articulate his long term intentions. She fears that if she does nothing, in another 5 years she will be in the same position. We agreed that the thought processes and actions of the men in our lives often puzzle us and that somehow it left us feeling like failures.

Driving home though, I began to think about the past 3 months with Sir. About how open we have needed to be about ourselves and our needs. About how well we need to know and trust each other. In particular how much I need to be able to trust him in order to submit to him and to release myself into his care. Of course, this still feels a little one sided, since in order to be his submissive I have opened myself up much more than perhaps he has. To a certain extent he has tried to protect me from his other relationship, but bit by bit details do emerge. The ability to try not to judge what is revealed to you seems important, though very very hard at times. Especially when you know what it is you want, but also know that might not be what you have to accept in the end.

Sometimes it feels we have known each other for so much longer than 3 months and that is something both of us keep reminding the other of. But the depth of understanding and of trust in our relationship already feels greater than hers after 5 years. The other sad thing is, that while my brother is now clean and is in a new relationship too, that isn't very happy either. I can't help thinking that this couple could have remained together and in love if only there had been more honesty and understanding of each others needs. What I do know is that none of them have fulfilment in their lives and that is sad.

Despite my problems, and the uncertainty about my longer term relationship with Sir, I feel submission is bringing me a freedom to communicate in a way that can only be positive and help me be the person I want to be and in a relationship that is right. In the end I will have inner peace and happiness, but will they?

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Getting this girl back on track

The last week has felt a long one, but this girl is determined that over the course of this weekend she will be back on track in all areas. Last evening this girl had the pleasure of speaking on Skype to her Master, all be it over a very dodgy hotel wifi system. This happened pretty much as soon as this girl had returned from work and put her into a very happy place for the rest of the evening and hopefully for the whole weekend. We chatted mainly about this girl and how she has coped this week. Also about the various tensions in this girl's life right now and how she is managing them. It is amazing that just by seeing His face and hearing His voice, this girl felt so much more settled. Essentially he could have been reading a book to her and she would have felt happy afterwards.

Filled with joy at having spent time with Him, this girl wanted to tell someone, but since no one was home there was no one to share her experience with. Until a little later that was when this girl had the pleasure of a Skype conversation with destiny. This girl has recently become friends with both destiny and her Master, and over the past week they have both been on hand to help this girl through some of her darker moments. It was great then to share such a happy one with destiny. She has written about the parallels and differences of our journeys on her blog.

Last night for the first time in ages this girl went to bed wearing her plug, and then when she briefly woke at 4am and didn't seem able to fall back to sleep she gave her master the orgasm she had requested earlier in the evening. Using a vibe over the clit is different since the piercing, this girl can report. The area is more sensitive and in fact for a little time, this girl had to keep moving the vibe away, but once in place it gave a wonderful deep orgasm which Sir would love to have seen. It also helped this girl then sleep well for the second part of the night.

Having just finished a leisurely breakfast and coffee in bed, this girl is now heading off for a bath and shave. After which she intends to re-mark herself - she admitted to Sir that she had let the original fade. Then she intends to wear her plug as she goes about her chores today to help her remember her submission and to think about her Master.

Hopefully then this girl is back in the right mood, and back where she should be.


Thursday, 15 May 2014

Feeling better at last

During the past week my mood and feeling of well being has swung between happiness and despair; well that's how it has felt. Just over a week ago I spent the most amazing evening with Sir and was as happy as can be. I had also been as submissive as I possibly ever had been.

This morning, I felt as if I was starting to return to as close to that state as I can be without having Him here and without the aid of orgasms or toys. I feel that I need to devote a bit of time at the weekend to getting myself back to the mind frame of being 'this girl'. 

After an anxious week with my dad we had some good news that the cancer is not as we feared in his spine and he has now rallied a bit. I am looking forward to giving he and my mum some time at the weekend.

This week I have had little contact with Sir. Knowing in advance that this would be the case hasn't helped as my mood, and feelings have swung wildly. At times I have wanted to tell him I don't think I can handle this kind of absence and his other relationship. But at other rational times I have recognised that is what I knew I was getting into and since I want to be in a relationship with Him then this is what I will of course be prepared to do.

Also this week I have been for relationship counselling. This is about ending my marriage and in one way was useful. It helped  me clarify where I have got to in ending my marriage. But it is very difficult to think about that relationship in isolation especially when my mind is on Sir and the relationship complications that brings with it.

The weekend feels a positive place. To take stock and to look forward. It is a place to acquaint myself with my submission. I just hope that I am able to have more contact with Him than an email or text. Otherwise, I don't know how long this good feeling will last!

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Feelings of guilt

I have been so self absorbed recently, seeking to find happiness and fulfilment. Then knowing how Sir's departure would make me feel I went off to France and while I did fun things and house maintenance that needed doing I was just thinking of myself.

But now I am feeling guilty. My dad is really unwell and my departure left them alone - one brother on a trip to Mexico and the other working - and they had to manage some really terrible difficulties with his health.

What kind of daughter am I? How can I call myself a nurse? How can I treat my own family in this way.

This has got to stop. I must get a grip and if that means leaving Sir and my submission behind for a while that is what will have to happen.

It might be my lack of a night's sleep speaking - don't you just hate the feeling that you have had a lovely deep sleep to find the clock has moved about 20 minutes since the last time you looked.

But I know I must concentrate on some very important things right now. This illness is going to take my dad from us and I really do need to sort out my priorities.

Sunday, 11 May 2014

Good girl

Out shopping yesterday this girl saw this bag; she didn't buy it obviously but took it's picture!



This morning this girl updated her 'my journey' page, but despite laying out her feelings she didn't really feel all that good. Especially as after her shower, Sir's mark was decidedly faded. So she went out and bought a permanent pen and re-marked herself.

Hopefully that will help to do the trick!

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Time away

I knew the decision to come away was the right one during the argument with hubby on Thursday night. But as I drove from the airport all I could think of was that the last time I had been here it was with Sir. I wondered if I would be able to settle, relax and enjoy myself. The answer is yes, I can.

This is the place I can come to if I need a break from the weather in the UK or from other people. This is a place where I have friends who spend the whole summer and who I can tell  most things to and who I can have fun with.


I have been coming here with hubby and my son for a few years now, and last year got the opportunity to buy a small apartment, a bolt hole if you like. I didn't realise then how important coming here would be, but I think I am beginning to realise. Of course when you own the place it isn't just about having a good time, there are chores to be done, so today I am off with my friends to make a few purchases for the apartment and then there will be a little maintenance work to do. But then this afternoon I will get to go to the beach before we go out to dinner tonight.

From here I can still maintain contact with my friends back home and elsewhere and this will be soon all the easier as I will have broadband in the apartment by the end of the month. At the moment I am using a hotspot which is at best temperamental!

This is just a short break; the weekend and next week it will be back to work and to the realities of life. But I know that this place is here and if I need to I can come back, time off and flights depending, I can.

Friday, 9 May 2014

Meltdown

The evening started well enough. The first time hubby and I had spent any time together for a week or so. Dinner was cooking, and we sat down to have a drink together. We talked about family issues, of which there are a number right now. We got onto the subject of his parents, and I commented (once again) that he needed to talk to them about our relationship, particularly given that our wedding anniversary approaches - one we won't be celebrating. It was then that hubby articulated that he thought we would at least spend the evening together on that day, have dinner, after all it will be 30 years. I told him I will be away, out of the country.

The next couple of hours are a stress filled blur. Voices (mine) were raised, unkind things were said by us both and we both lashed out at each other. His was more about throwing my laptop and standing over me, squaring up. Mine was about me actually physically lashing out as he appeared to try to grab me. Then there were tears, lots and lots of tears.

I have not cried about that relationship at all, and I sat on my own, upstairs wondering why now? I desperately wanted to speak to Sir, but he was preparing to leave today. We exchanged a few texts and I told him a little of things with hubby. I didn't tell him I was in full meltdown. Particularly when the realisation dawned that the whole hubby thing happened when it did for a reason. The tears were not for hubby and for our relationship as it dies. The tears were because suddenly I felt alone, with no one to turn to.

In fact a couple more texts from Sir cheered me up and I pulled myself together. The hubby thing is far from resolved, and Sir still leaves today. But I slept quite well and when I was in that half sleep half wakeful time I was able to regain that feeling of calmness I have had recently. Regain the feeling of submission, remember the piercings, remember that I am marked by Sir's pen.

Ok, so he hasn't actually left these shores yet, and he did help me out with the texts, but there was no conversation in person.

I think I can cope, I can remember even when the going gets tough. This time is going to be a test, I am going to think things I don't want to think, but I will get through it.

I am this girl. Sir's girl.

Thursday, 8 May 2014

Sir's girl

This is now written indelibly on the girl's body, just above the little mound of hair she is growing for Sir. She will reapply the ink as it fades over the next few weeks.

Last evening Sir took this girl for His use. There was pain and orgasm.  He filled this girl's holes and He fed her (and not just with food). He photographed the piercings that He owns.

They chatted, but at the same time, both were a little reflective. On His return, this girl wants to offer more of herself to Him and hopes He will take more control from her.

The first track on the radio this morning was this:


Tomorrow both Sir and this girl will be leaving the country, but to different places. This girl will be back on Monday and over the next few weeks, while Sir is away she will blog as she wants and needs.

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Who are you?

This girl lay stroking His Cock while he played with her nipples. she had already orgasmed a number of times, giving him all that she had. She felt the need to cum rise up in her again and pressed herself against his leg. He told her to hold it. He began to count, not from 5 or 10 this time, but 20. All the time he played with her nipples, those very very sensitive pierced nipples. She let herself sink into her own subconscious. She stopped thinking, instead she listened to his voice, the counting. She was aware of his cock growing in her hand. She looked into his eyes. Just as she began to allow the orgasm rise in her at the count of 2 he said "one and a half", but then 1 and CUM.

Who are you? He asked when she had given Him that huge orgasm and had on his instructions kept it coming.

Who was she?

This girl. she was this girl. she was also this slut, this bitch, this whore. She was His submissive. She is this girl.

He smiled. He loves the feeling of power this gives to Him. This girl likes to know that she had given herself, all of herself to Him. So much so, that at these moments she no longer has a name.

Sir doesn't really think this girl is joolz any more. Not the joolz you read about earlier in this blog. she is inclined to agree. The changes have been subtle but they are visible all the same. Visible to this girl in her daily life. Visible to Sir when he talks to her, when they are out and about together. Perhaps they are less visible to the outsider but increasingly this girl feels her submission during her every waking hour. She seeks and finds a calmness that wasn't there before. He says she is still a very different person when dealing with family matters, perhaps that is true, but this girl can feel a shift in the way she wants to handle that part of her life. She needs to feel this calmness much more. And she knows she will.

This blog is still called "The world of Joolz". Yesterday,  I was doing a little bit of tidying up on the front page, rewriting some of the text in the side bar. I was tempted to change the name of the blog. I don't feel like Joolz any more. However, its what others know me as, though some of you also know me as Julie. Plus, what does the name of the blog actually matter? Plus, if at times I have no name then it matters even less. What matters is who I belong to, and that part is pretty clear.

Monday, 5 May 2014

This girl's submission

This has been a holiday weekend, plus, this girl has tagged a couple of extra days on so that she has a good break from work. That means that Sir and this girl have been able to spend 3 nights together.

This morning we lay in bed until very late. This girl commented on how calm she felt; how she is able to lie next to Sir and just be. Of course that being, involves Sir playing with His girl as He wants.  

This girl and Sir discussed recent blog posts, the effect of the piercings on her submission; they have made her feel her submission so much more. Sir likes this effect on this girl. This weekend has marked 3 months since Sir and this girl first met. It is also the last weekend that they can spend together for a while. This morning was important to us both, hence the reluctance to get out of bed. 

We discussed those first few dates and the way that Sir knew that this girl wanted to submit. The look He saw in her eyes and the feelings that this girl had during that time. We also discussed the fact that this girl thought she knew all about submission at that time but since then she has leant so very much.

What this girl knew about was sexual submission. Something important to both of us.  She knew about giving herself to a Dominant, however right then she didn't know just how deep that submission could reach, how important it could be to her. She didn't understand how important ownership of a girl's orgasms were. How by giving up control could liberate her. She had no idea that it was possible to orgasm with little or no physical contact. She certainly does now.

In the past this girl has thought about piercings, however she had no idea that those piercings could take her deeper than she could imagine. That by admitting that they belonged to another they would give her a sense of fulfilment that she could only dream of. Being owned by another is so much more important to this girl than she knew. It is only a week since they were done, but already that much is clear.

But submission is not just about sex. It is about how an individual lives their life. Sir and this girl talked about the post regarding rules. Sir asked if this girl thought she needed more rules, perhaps tasks. But they agreed she does not. what she needs is to be able to live her life in the way that she knows Sir would be pleased with.  The rules don't need to be created, they exist in this girl's normal life. She knows how she should deal with situations at work and home, she knows the things she needs to do. Sir knows that too and by actually living in that way she knows that Sir will be pleased with her.

This girl faces a difficult few weeks. Sir will be away, He will be concentrating on the other important person in His life. This girl has had most of His attention for the past few months and now His attention must shift. This girl must be mindful of this and concentrate on being the submissive he wants and needs.  She needs to abide by the rules that are not actually articulated but exist. She must be His good girl. Only by doing these things will this girl be the submissive she desires and needs to be.

Liebster Award

I have noticed a number of blogs over the last few weeks who have been given this award by others who visit them. It is great when those blog owners then award to blogs that I am not familiar with - it is a great way to find new places to visit. Of course i love to visit some of the more established blogs too, to gain an insight from those who have far more experience than me. Thanks to tori from Pain's Pleasure who has nominated me and who falls into the second category. She has been around for a long time and experiences, good and bad to share. Like me she blogs about what is in her head, whether that is about slavehood or life in general.
  • Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.
  • Display the award on your blog-- by including it in your post and / or displaying it using a "widget" or "gadget".
  • Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
  • Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 5 to 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display the widget that lets readers know this information.
  • Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
  • List these rules on your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to :
  • Inform people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!)
I am not going to actually follow the rules, since in truth rules are there to be broken. Of course, I am going to answer tori's questions:

1)  How did you meet your significant other?
Sir and i met on the internet in a chatroom on Alt.com. We happened to live near each other and decided to meet for a drink as we got on well online. That was 3 months ago and so far so good.

2)  The best childhood memory? 
Family holidays with my parents and brothers. Great trips to France and to places in the UK. Trips to the homes of other wider family members and trips out with them. The downside was sitting between 2 fighting brothers in the car. But generally the experiences on those trips were good. Plus now I know that they provided some excellent memories to look back on.

3)  If you had to live somewhere other than you do now, where would it be? 
I would always choose somewhere near the sea. But for now where I am is fine. It is close to Sir and that is great after all of the travelling I did to visit S, even though he lived near the sea.

4)  Worst bad habit?
Not allowing people to finish what they are saying before I jump in. I am trying to be better at listening and trying to hold back in all areas of my life. It is a key behaviour change, part of my submission. 

5)  Favourite book?
I don't have one favourite, but tend to find new books that are my favourite at the time. Most recently I would say was wild: a journey from lost to found by Cheryl Strayed. It is an autobiography of someone who walked the Pacific Crest Trail at a difficult time in her life. A voyage of discovery, a little different to my own, but one all the same.

6)  Any big ambitions that you have yet to achieve?
Just to travel to some new places and enjoy different experiences. Nothing huge, but important all the same.

7)  Name one guilty pleasure?
Probably wine. I do like a glass or 3 of sauvignon blanc.....

8)  Favourite film?
I am no film buff and until recently hadn't been to the cinema much. I did enjoy Lincoln last year, and have also been enjoying some of the Coen brothers films. Otherwise it is films that provide memories: first film with my son - Jungle Book etc. Often I avoid seeing films based on books I have read; they can be so disappointing.

9)  If you could or wanted to change one thing about your partner, what would it be?
I wouldn't change anything. I spent too much time trying to change my hubby and found that what I needed was to either change me or to get out. I am older and wiser now and I am just happy to go with his flow.

10) what would they want to change about you?
He is changing my behaviours in quite a few ways. They are ways in which I want to change, so no problem there. I am a calmer person now and perhaps that was one thing at the beginning he sought to change.

A few things about me:
  • There are few foods I don't like, and will usually try most things. I hate peanut butter though
  • I love warm sunny places, but really can't stand too much heat. Over 30c and I am heading for an air conditioned place to sit. Or perhaps the sea....
  • I managed to help my son develop a love of history by taking him to castles all over the south of England and in France as a child. He now has a degree in History.
  • I would love a garden full of flowers, but I get pretty bad hay fever which makes that difficult, plus I have never yet found the energy to actually create such a garden.
  • I have an uncorrected squint in my left eye, which makes depth perception difficult. I am rubbish at racket sports because of this and see double close up. Sometimes double vision is nice when you are looking at someone you care for!
  • I had a very difficult pregnancy with my son and was in hospital for weeks with pre eclampsia. It is the main reason I only have one child.
  • I don't have lots of friends, perhaps I haven't put enough effort in over the years. But I do have some very special friends, some of whom I have met through places like Fetlife. I would love to meet some of my blog friends.
  • I am still a registered nurse even though I haven't nursed a patient for years. My favourite job as a nurse was when I cared for people with rheumatoid arthritis. Now a days I am happy in management. It is less demanding on the body.
  • I have another blog related to my work, though I haven't updated it in a long time and feel more inclined to write about this side of my life right now than that.
  • I was the first person in my close family to get a degree, my son achieved a better classification than me though.
As I said, I am not going to stick to the rules. Most people on my blogroll have been given this award and have fulfilled this task if they wanted to. So I will leave it at that.



Sunday, 4 May 2014

Sensations

Just over a week since the piercings were done and the initial pain and discomfort has settled. Well as far as the clitoral hood goes, there was very little pain once the little bar was in place. The nipples have been a different thing entirely. But even they have settled.

The area around the nipple, the areola, has been a little swollen meaning that the nipple itself looked less proud. But that also seems to be settling down. Giving the opportunity for some gentle play.

Sitting on Sir's cock yesterday, this girl began to get a feel for just how much these piercings are going to be able to enhance her sexual pleasure and of course the satisfaction He feels. When this girl is penetrated, the little bar in the hood presses onto her clit and gives her the most amazing feelings of arousal. Put that together with a few nipple strokes and this girl is almost begging to cum.

This morning He spent some time just stroking gently, teasing her. She struggled to contain the urge to cum until given permission. He told her that she was one huge erogenous zone.

This girl is sure He is thinking of what He can do to her once she is completely healed. What jewellery they can use and what He can attach to them.

With summer coming, this girl is already looking forward to being out with Him, wearing no underwear. Wondering how He plans to play with her at these times and how the piercings will be involved in that.

It is clear to us both that the level of submission this girl can get to is enhanced by the insertion of a few little pieces of metal to those special places. This girl knows that she will be able to use this to help her remember who and what she is when things get difficult. Plus Sir knows He is going to be able to use them to get this girl into a very good place indeed with very little effort.

So far this feels like a win win.

Friday, 2 May 2014

The need for rules?

This girl has been wondering about rules, about whether she already has any and whether she needs any more (if she has them in the first place).

Why don't you know if you have any? You may well ask (and probably are asking). Well it kind of isn't like that. No rules as such are imposed. But over the past 3 months (yes it was 3 months yesterday since Sir and this girl met in person for the first time), subtle changes have taken place. Sir has exerted his Dominance over this girl and she has complied with his wishes (sometimes more readily than at other times).

Firstly there was the ownership of orgasms - this girl firstly should ask to be granted an orgasm and then she must tell Him that it belongs to Him, even if He is not present. Generally this girl needs few orgasms if he is not around, but if she does she complies with this rule. Of course in His presence, she asks if in a position to do so (i.e. able to speak) and likewise gives it to Him.

Next there was the whole third person thing. This girl thought perhaps He had done a little mad when He made this request. He said He felt it would help with this girl's submission. She thought that unlikely and anyway couldn't imagine doing it. Now, she writes this way most of the time, increasingly does when they are together and amazingly has started to think in that way A LOT of the time.

Then there is how this girl should refer to Him. Standard stuff - the Sir thing. Is this a rule? Not really, but this girl is increasingly comfortable with it. There are times increasingly when He is Master. He sees himself as this girl's owner and so is her Master. Sometimes also He likes to be referred to as Lord. This girl can never quite tell if he is joking or not, but is not about to start calling Him Lord when they are out and about. Sir, on the other hand will happen pretty soon.

There are issues of behaviour. Of this girl remembering her place and role when she and Sir are out together. There are still signs of Julie coming through - of trying to take the lead. But fewer. This girl is much more comfortable with this, so much so that at times she likes him to order for her completely. She is less worried at knowing exactly what they will be doing and where they will be going. She trusts Him and wants Him to take control much much more in this way (please).

Lastly (i think), there is hair. He requested that this girl doesn't completely shave, but leaves a small 'bush' for Him to play with and wipe himself on (though He hasn't done the latter yet). This girl has happily complied and the hair is starting to return nicely to the area that He marked out.

No this girl doesn't have or need rules......does she?

Selfie

It would be true to say that this girl is somewhat proud of the state of her tits - still pretty pert at the age of 51 and 9 months. This girl thinks these piercings will bring a whole new dimension to her life. Looking good 6 days after the event!!