One to forget?

For the first time in 30 years, hubby and I have been apart this Christmas. Indeed I have not seen him for 6 days. In that time, there have been a number of texts and one, quite unpleasant phone conversation on Christmas morning. I have spent time with our son, he and I have spent time on Christmas day with my parents and on boxing day with hubby's family.

From Christmas eve morning until boxing night I felt very low. Probably worse than I have felt for many months. I wasn't tearful like I was when S told me things were over between us in the summer, but I just felt low. Felt that everything was a chore, too much effort. But, because I am a reasonable actress and because I hate people being sorry for me, I pulled myself into shape and got on with things. My son and I exchanged presents on Christmas morning (a lopsided exchange of course), he gave me a lovely hug and was very attentive. Then we set off for a quiet Christmas day with my parents. When we arrived, unknown to me, I had been assigned the task of cooking Christmas dinner. I don't remember being asked, but as ever, I got on with things, and this year it was a small event. Later my teenage niece nephew arrived and we played some fun games. I went to bed feeling somewhat happier than I had in the morning.

On boxing day evening we went off to a family party hosted by hubby's parents. This was an awkward event. They asked me about what hubby was up to, when he had decided to help the homeless etc. I know little of what he has been up to and as far as I know he decided to help the homeless so he wouldn't have to face his and my family at Christmas. Still I pulled it off and my son told me later I did a good job.

So tomorrow, hubby is apparently putting in an appearance. I am hoping we can at least have a small amount of family time. This is part of my desire, from son's tone of voice when I told him, it is not his particularly. But we will see.

I am hopefully heading down to visit S for new year. I hope that this will help me gather the emotional and physical strength to face the things I need to in the first few days of January. You can't act in the way hubby is now and expect things to return to normal (no matter what he may think).

My new year hope is that I have some very kinky things to write about on this blog by this time next week.

Change ahead?

Hubby announced at the end of last week that he wouldn't be spending Christmas with us. Instead he told me that he will be helping the homeless at a shelter in London. He told me that this is something he has always wanted to do. I really want to believe that this is true, and perhaps it is.

However, he has told me a number of (what I think are lies ) as part of the story. He has told me that he will be staying with a friend in London, a male friend. He has told me that he is not seeing anyone else.

Last night he was staying not in London, but somewhere else. I don't know who he is with, but I am sure it is not a male.

It is almost time to force a change, I just need to decide when that time should be.

I don't deserve to feel cheated, since I was the one to cheat first. But I do.

He has been incredibly upset about the lies I have told him and now he is lying to me.

The greatest sadness is that he doesn't feel able to tell me the whole truth and that is a shame.

I feel glad that I have my family around me who are being very supportive and I feel glad that I have S to provide additional friendship and support.

I think this will be a bit of a strange Christmas.