Sunday, 23 September 2012


From tomorrow afternoon, for a bit over a week, this will be the view from my door. On that table will be wine, cheese, baguettes and a host of other goodies. i am going to stroll along that beach, swim in that sea and i am going to generally let myself unwind. My thoughts will probably frequently turn to Sir, thinking about what he might be doing. i will also reflect on some of the wonderful things we have done together over recent months and begin to think about the future times we will share. Mostly though i will read, catch some sun rays (there has been something of an absence of sun and warmth in the UK this summer), eat some nice food, drink some nice wine, walk, chat with our friends who live nearby and unwind.

Work has made me tired, it has been busy, but also we have the stress of knowing that from April 2013 structures of our services will have changed. When i return from my break i will have to start the process of applying for jobs (my own if it exists, or another if it doesn't). This is a good time to pause, reflect and recharge.

When i return i will have a few more days off, which i will need to catch up on everyone's blogs! See you then!

Friday, 21 September 2012

6 month review

In the health service, which is where i am employed, appraisals, 6 month reviews and one to one meetings with your manager are now common place. This wasn't always so; you could go for years without being encouraged to pause and reflect on your progress. Another thing that has changed over the years is the tendency for people to be congratulated on the things they have done well, rather than to be reminded of what they have done wrong. This is progress as far as i can see.

i am about to reach something of a milestone in terms of the relationship i have with Steve. i will call him that in this post (possibly interchangeably with Sir), since he has revealed that as his name. We are approaching our 6 month review - 1st October will mark the 6 month anniversary of the first day that we chatted online. Since i will be in France on 1st Oct (hubby and i leave on Monday for a 9 day holiday), today is the day for my review.

Everyone has said that i have come a long way since then, and they are right. i almost feel like a different person, different but perhaps the same. i am still the caring wife, mum, daughter and friend. i still feel that i hold in so much of myself, that they don't know the real me - maybe that is more true with them than it was then. Since i have a new part of my life, new experiences that none of them know about. But at the same time i have a whole range of people to share with. With Steve of course, and we do share a lot with each other, about our ordinary vanilla lives as well as TTWD. But i also have a lovely group of fellow bloggers, most but not all of them fellow women, fellow submissives who are themselves on some kind of journey (some at the beginning like me, others further along), all of us managing our day to day lives as well as our relationships.

At the start of this, i knew deep down that i was submissive, and that i needed that side of me to come out. i knew that i was curious about bondage, about exploring pain and its association with arousal, and i wanted to find out about D/s relationships. i could hardly have foreseen, however how many new experiences i would have had or how much it is possible to be fulfilled by them. Steve was nervous posting comments here as he thinks i have built him up as some kind of super person, and that by showing himself, i and others would be disappointed. Maybe i have portrayed him as almost perfect, but then i am kind of smitten by the relationship we have developed together. Plus i have little to compare him with (except hubby and they are not alike in any way). Of course no one is perfect, so he shouldn't worry. Also since i only see him every few weeks and since we don't have to face the daily grind together i barely need to consider his short comings, and anyway they are not related to what we do when we are together. I have found a friend though, someone i can confide in, someone with whom i can share my hopes and fears. Someone i can be honest with. For me, Mrs secretive that is a big thing.

The other big thing for me is that finally, as i approach middle age (i read this week that middle age now starts at around 55, so i have a way to go), i am sexually fulfilled. If i say that sex has been one big let down i would not be lying. i always knew that there was more to explore, but i really didn't know just how much. When you read books, it is hard to tell how much is for real and how much is invented for the story. i didn't have much else to go on. Hubby and i were both virgins when we met, our sex life has been dull (particularly for me) and even when he strayed into an affair, little seemed to have been learned. It is not all about him, i have not been good at expressing my needs, i have not exactly encouraged us to find out what they are. He is more interested in his own needs than mine, but at the same time i have not really helped. I now know what i like, think i like and am pretty sure i will give most things a go (within reason). Steve has helped me to explore my inner slut, and boy is she beginning to show herself!

Our most recent conversations have been about the extent to which i am developing into something of a pain slut. Who knew that would be something i would embrace quite so well. He thinks a riding crop would be a good next step. i think why not? We have some dates for the next couple of meetings which always does wonders for morale, as for what we will do, where we might go and what scenarios may be played out who knows? I am sure there will be a corset, there will be some implement with which to spank me, there will be something to tie me to his lovely bed and there will be lots of kinky sex. Also though there will be nice food, laughter, chat about nothing in particular and there will be time snuggled together just touching and kissing.

I have loved the last 6 months Sir and i am looking forward to more.

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Days 18 and 19

Time for days and 18 and 19 of submission. This series is feeling longer than it did at the beginning, not that i am sure why i didn't realise this since 30 days is pretty much a month. Any case doing them 2 at a time seems pretty sensible right now!

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Lots of discussion and planning goes into deciding on what we might / will do together. During these planning times i freely express what i desire and or need. We play out scenes, or just discuss what will happen. If we are playing out a scene online for example, then He will take the lead as he would if it were happening in real time, but there will be more discussion. On one side i may suggest something and he will pick it up and follow through, or else he may gently push me so that my limits have changed by the next time we meet. 

We don't have the kind of relationship where by he is telling me what to do all day, often we don't communicate for a few days, then at other times there will be emails, texts or be will chat on yahoo messenger. We have settled into this routine and i think it suits us right now.  

How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

i don't have anyone within my everyday life in whom i can discuss my submission or any other part of the relationship with Sir. This is why blogging has been such an amazing revelation to me. I love finding out what my fellow bloggers are up to, contributing to their blogs and having everyone visit here and leave their thoughts and comments. 

I have had a few online chats with people i have met on fetlife and through blogging and that definitely helps. Friendships develop over time, not over night, but i expect these to develop a bit more over time. i have to be careful contributing to online discussions on fetlife, since on some forums people are very judgemental about relationships which take place outside of marriage (if one or both of the parties are married to another). 

i haven't been to any munches etc, and would be nervous to go to such events on my own. i think Sir and i might go to them together if it wasn't for the fact that we live a bit too far apart. At present i can live with the lack of social input, but i think that in the future i would like that to change. Discussing TTWD is one thing, and discussing the fact that this is conducted outside of my marriage is something else. Putting the two together might be a step too far. 

Monday, 17 September 2012


The two pictures below were taken by Sir last Wednesday. A couple of hours later he had tightened it twice and the back was pretty close to meeting in the middle. Sadly no pictures of that this time. However given that a month or so ago i couldn't do the thing up at the front at all I am feeling pretty pleased.

Sunday, 16 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Days 16 and 17

Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

This is the first time i have submitted to anyone in this way. That's all i can say on this question

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is everything as far as i can see. From our first meeting i felt able to place trust in Him, but of course when i look back that was nothing to the way i am able to trust Him now. On that first day, i broke all the rules of meeting a stranger in a strange place. No one knew where i was or who i was with. Also we had sex and lots of it on that first meeting. We had spoken on the phone before that day, lots. i trusted my instinct that what i was doing was right for me. That's not to say that i think others shouldn't be a little more careful. But i wasn't born yesterday, and neither was he. We were adults going into this whole thing with our eyes open and our wits about us.

Over the 5 months since that first meeting the level of trust we have in each other had grown and developed. The biggest thing about my submission for me is that i can leave my usual roles and responsibilities at the door. i am his to do with as He wishes and in order for that to happen i have to trust that He will keep me safe. 

As Littleone noticed and commented on, i have invited Sir to be a contributor on this blog, and he has accepted. i am hoping He writes something soon, and i am trusting that He will write something pretty good!

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Day Trip Part 2 - The Corset

Despite the fact i knew it fitted i tried the corset again on Tuesday, the day before my visit to Sir. This didn't seem to make it any easier for us to get me into it on Wednesday morning. BUT once we had fastened it, and Sir had tightened the laces it seemed very big at the top (maybe my whole weight loss is from my boobs i thought to myself as i lay on my back). This was despite the fact that i was at that time tied to each corner  His bed. But no. Even though i know this happened to Fondles, i wasn't alerted to the fact for some time that we had the thing on UPSIDE DOWN! I was looking for the suspender hooks that the internet site said it should have, when i found 2 around the boob area and another 2 under my armpits. Oh how Sir and I laughed at our mistake.

Once we had turned the thing around the right way and Sir had tightened it a couple of times i began to realise what a wonderful, sexy garment a corset can be. This led to me spending the entire day in just a corset, stockings and suspenders. i felt sexy, i felt ready at all times for Sir's cock and for anything he wanted from me. Once he sends them over, there will be a couple of pictures, which He took especially for me to put on my blog.

This morning, 3 days after the events of that day, i have to admit that my thoughts are a little confused. Not because i can't remember what happened or what effect it all had on my but probably because i can remember. It is hard to think what happened in what order, what senses were heightened and when.

Pain featured much more than it has to date. Spanked with his hand and then the lead which was attached to my collar. Spanked not only on my bottom, but also across my front, only served to make me amazingly wet.

He had me tied to his bed and blindfolded, he had me tied so  my wrists were tied to my ankles, he put the remote buzzing egg thing inside me, attached a nipple clamp to my clit and fucked my backside. I can barely describe the amazing orgasm that erupted from both of us after that one.

All of the time though, i was aware of that corset. i was aware of the effect it had on me - the way in which it made me hold my body, the way in which i looked and felt. Plus of course the effect it had on Him. Even more than ever it helped me become the play thing he wanted and needed. I felt like a sex object on legs and i loved it. If i have been on a journey (as described here on this blog), then i am now quite a way along the road to my destination.

Sitting or standing in the kitchen, in just corset and stockings, while he prepared me lunch or made tea or while i washed up felt erotic and was. Feeling him come up behind me, stroke and caress my bare backside and stroke my clit; what more could a woman want in life? 

Friday, 14 September 2012

Day Trip

For reasons which were mainly work related, i visited Sir for the day this week rather than stay over night. This meant a very early start, but i mitigated the effect of this by travelling by train rather than by car (ok i have said this already).

The clothing style was kind of business wear. I am a smart casual clothes wearer for work rather than power dress. But given the 7-8lb of weight loss, a shortish straight black and grey skirt was looking pretty good on me. This was accompanied by a white blouse (with black bra), black seamed stockings and black shoes. A new leopard print kind of cardigan set off the outfit, give the coolness of the morning.

I arrived in London slightly ahead of schedule and so got on an earlier train. I texted Sir to let him know and set him into a slight spin, whereby he had to mobilise himself a bit more quickly to meet me. But it did result in an extra half hour together, which we were both glad of.

An hour and a half train journey allows a woman to drink her coffee, apply her make up, read a book, observe the scenery and still arrive at her destination in time for a late breakfast. Of course if she is meeting her Master half an hour before that final destination she can expect some serious enjoyment on that last leg.

"Now wearing her 'fuck me' shoes she sat opposite the man dressed in the double breasted suit. After 2 or 3 stops the only other person in close vicinity was the woman sitting directly behind her knitting. As their eyes met, she opened her legs, revealing her stocking tops and the hint of a bare pussy. He reached across and stroked her leg, his hand reaching up past the stocking top. She gasped as his fingers found that she was already wet.

By the time the ticket inspector arrived to check their tickets the man in the suit had already brought her close to orgasm, her skirt hitched up around her waist, her legs spread wide for him. And once the lady and her knitting had left the train and they were alone in the carriage he not only brought her to orgasm but she had knelt down before him and sucked his cock.

All too soon, they arrived at their final destination. she straightened her clothes and, slightly wobbly on those high heels, she climbed down from the train. Next stop was His house, via the supermarket for a supply of croissants". An early start, plus such excitement before 9.30 am makes for a hungry Master and his slut!

Episode 2 -  The corset follows soon.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Days 14 /15 The Train Journey

first of all lets get day 14 over with, then we can move on to the more interesting day......
Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar? 

I am no expert on religion, whether related to submission or not. It is not that I haven't been brought up to believe in and respect God, but more that I do not conform to religion without question. I have only knelt in church because I have been following a group of people doing so; indeed I am not someone who needs to attend church to believe in anything. I value the moral values that religion brings with it, but feel that there are too many people out there twisting religion to meet the beliefs they have. I felt that getting married in church was important to me at the time, but then it was a tradition to do so and I did many things around that time to please my parents. 

I don't believe that i can be a religious submissive for another reason - it is not my husband that I am submissive to and therefore I am no 'good wife'. Yep that absolves me from this one as far as I can see.

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

It has evolved alright. i am almost a different person to the one i was in April. From the beginning of this i have embraced new experiences, but i wouldn't have believed that i would do some of the things i willingly do now. Humiliation and pain have probably been the areas where the greatest development has taken place. Until recently i didn't even know that i would be able to stand being spanked with the lead attached to my collar, or that i would love to have my nipples clamped. If someone had told me in March that by September i would be travelling on a train wearing a tight skirt, seamed stockings and heels to meet a man who would within the hour have me tied to a bed while he spanked me, i would have declared them mad.  

But yesterday i not only did that, i exposed my bare pussy on that train, allowed my lovely Sir to stroke me and bring me to orgasm (with his permission of course) and briefly sucked his cock (shortly after the ticket inspector had checked our tickets). 

There is much much more to record here on my dear blog, but i need a day or two to get my thoughts in order. So bear with me!

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Creating a buzz

In my opinion the female orgasm is a wonderful thing, but then i would say that wouldn't i? It would be true to say that i was a latecomer to understanding exactly what this meant to a woman. I was actually married, before i even understood the notion of the orgasm and in my 30s before i owned a vibrator. Of course once i discovered it, i found it was something that i couldn't manage without. How wonderful is that rampant rabbit?

Before i met Sir, i had spent at least 10 years needing almost daily use of some kind of devise that would  to give me the kind of relief i could only dream of in the marital bedroom. This is no longer the case, He doesn't restrict my orgasms but since i started to get plenty of them i have rarely needed the rabbit. But who knows whether the need will ever return?

My first Ann Summers party was during the Tupperware years (people of my age will know all about this), but even so i was unaware of the history of the vibrator. 

While browsing my favorite online news website yesterday, i came across this:

In 19th-century Britain, women suffering from chronic anxiety prescribed pelvic finger massage. Doctors found this tedious and time-consuming, so they invented something to do the job for them

Apparently the vibrator was invented by doctors who treated 'hysteria' (chronic anxiety, irritability and abdominal heaviness) in women by msturbating them to orgasm. This took place in the doctor's consulting room,with the doctor providing pelvic massaging so that this could be relieved. Apparently the doctors found this a tedious and tiring pass time, and so invented a labour saving device. Early versions were powered by a generator the size of a fridge, but within a few years they were much smaller and so could move out of the doctors office into the home.

Apparently it was believed that if the 'massager' as it was known did not penetrate then the result could not be sexual, therefore the word orgasm wasn't used to describe the resulting effect.

A new film Hysteria, which depicts a story based on the history of the invention of the vibrator is due to be released in cinemas soon.This sounds like the type of film i should be watching with Sir given our joint love of both history and orgasm. Or am i just dreaming?

Photo - Steam powered vibrator

Saturday, 8 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Day 13 / Plans

Wednesday this week will be a special day; i will be spending it with Sir. This particular day of submission gives me the chance to combine answering the question and also saying a bit about some of the things that Wednesday might bring.

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this? 

When we are together, sexual availability is everything. He is very sure about this, it is one of the few rules we have, it is part of the structure of those hours (or if we are lucky days). I dress 'appropriately' for him the whole time and am ready at all times to give my body to him in whatever way he wishes, when ever he wishes. This often includes sleeping in stockings and putting my fuck me shoes on when we wake up. It also includes changing what i am wearing (underwear particularly) more than once during a day.

That sexual availability doesn't just happen within the confines of the bedroom or even the house, but when we are out and about. In the woods, the countryside, by the sea, at an airport, on a train......

This Wednesday i have decided to let the train take the strain (this was an advertising slogan for travelling by train at one time). The journey to visit Sir can be a long one, i have to travel along one of the busiest, most notorious motorways for traffic problems, in  the UK. So to take the train feels like a real treat. If all goes well i may well travel that way more often. The journey will involve a change of trains not far from where sir lives, he will meet me at that station, and the fun will begin. i have a new little skirt, ready really for the autumn season at work, there will be seamed stockings and there will be heels. There are always heels! 

Don't get me wrong, i love to wear heels, i love that my legs look long and slim in them. i also love the feel of the stockings, i love the feel of wearing no panties above the stoking tops. It is just that i am tall, and i feel much too tall if the heels are high. i am getting more used to that feeling, but it is difficult to shake off. Also i have the kind of feet that crave comfort, high heels tend not to provide the same cosy feel for my feet that flat shoes do. But as far as Sir is concerned, a slut doesn't wear flat shoes.  

On the train, with sir, i will be required to be ready for him to observe me. i will need to open my legs to show him what i can offer him; he will want to see my stocking tops, to confirm my pussy is bare and freshly shaved. He will want to see me touch myself as we travel towards his home town on the train. Once we arrive at his house, i will immediately need to be ready.

i will need to be open to him, ready for him to use which ever of my holes he wishes. i am pretty sure i will have no problem being ready.

As for limits to all of this. Well there are some decency limits when out. Neither of us wishes to be arrested. i trust him though to keep us safe and vaguely legal. Also, if i feel particularly uncomfortable i am able to say so and pull back a little. That is not to say he doesn't continually push my limits, because he does. Of course as my Master that is one of his roles! As his submissive it is my role to be pushed in this way; if you don't expand your boundaries you will never know what you are missing.

Friday, 7 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Days 11 and 12

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you? 

Our relationship is not about me providing any kind of service for Him other than that i am there to serve His cock. Our time together is precious; there isn't nearly enough of it. So most of that time is spent doing the things that have previously been described in this series of posts - those things have a high level of sexual content and / or involve me submitting myself to being humiliated.  So i guess that f there is service it is sexual.

I would happily submit to elements of serving my Sir, but he has said many times that He doesn't want me to prepare him food or drink, clear up after him or to provide any kind of grooming task. Luna KM has a great article on the meaning behind service here, and it is clear from reading it that this is not me and it is not what He wants. 

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

There is no financial submission going on here. We don't live together, we have no financial reliance on each other and i doubt that will ever be part of any arrangement we have. We try to share costs, for the things we buy for the things we do. I buy most of the clothes i will wear for the purpose of our relationship. But Sir also buys me / us things. We also share the costs of our meetings - food, drink, accommodation. 

In my relationship with hubby, i manage the finances. It is not anything dominant or submissive, it is just that he can't really be bothered to do it and someone has to take some kind of control. Decisions about how money is spent are made jointly, but i have the control in how that takes place. It makes spending money on a corset or a train ticket very easy. Mind you i work, earn a good salary and the money i spend is mine to do with as i wish. 

i have always worked, was never a stay at home mum, so have never been completely dependent financially on anyone. i like to know that i can spend money (or not ) if i chose and that no one can tell me i shouldn't do so. As for handing over my salary to another in the name of submission; can't imagine it happening. i love to submit and to show my vulnerability in the bedroom (and outside) but i worry about people who put themselves into a vulnerable position in this way. Who become so reliant on another that they have to ask for money for everything. That isn't and will never be me.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Day 10

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Wikipedia tells me that BDSM is a portmanteau acronym (love that word) for Bondage / Discipline, Dominance / Submission, Sadism / Masochism

All of these elements are present to a greater or lesser degree, as i have pretty much described throughout this series of posts. Sir has the best bed for being tied to (in my humble opinion) and that happened from the start, we have since moved onto that lovely day in May when i was tied to a tree. I am also now often cuffed. But there is not always a need to be physically restrained, the restraints can be mentally applied - don't touch, keep your hands above your head, spread your legs and keep them like that. Sometimes emotional bonds can be just as effective. This is where the discipline comes in, because not keeping the hands away, not asking to touch or to take Sir's cock might lead to some kind of punishment. And as discussed in a comment on the last post (day 8 and 9) more punishment may yet be applied in the near future, which will mean there is more discipline. There is also the structure that i crave, which is something we are also discussing. Sir thinks that perhaps i need more discipline. Yes please i say!

 Dominance and submission? Well yes. Haven't i spoken of this enough? Finding someone to dominate me, allowing me to express my submission, has been the making of me as far as i can see. 

So Sadomasochism? Wikipedia (again) tells me that this is the receiving of pleasure through the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation. Who ever knew that pain could give you such pleasure? Well certainly not me who always avoided pain. Who knew that the more pain that was inflicted on your nipples, on your backside (to give just two examples) could arouse you in the way it does to me. As Sir says - it makes you so wet!

As for humiliation; well i know that i am turned on beyond anything by being made to wear clothes i consider a bit risque for a woman of my age, to be provocative to Sir in a public place and to appear to pick up a stranger. More of this excitement will happen in the week to come!

Plus as of this morning the corset fits - i predict that will lead to some fun along the entire BDSM spectrum, Can't wait!

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

I am Number 18

The 18th person to become a Cock Worshiping Sub (CWS for short over at Spanky's place Bright Bottom. i have thought of becoming a member for quite a while, because of course i do worship Sir's cock and know that my place during play and in the bedroom is to give Him pleasure. That pleasure includes him using any part of me that he chooses for his cock. I love nothing more than to feel his cock inside me, owning me, possessing me.

What is different with Sir, as apposed to what has gone before is that i really do worship that cock. It is those moments when i am kneeling before him, with his cock in my mouth that i face who i am, what i am and where i am. i truly worship him and his cock.

Spanky has set a challenge for all the CWS members (this is number 2), as follows:

To write 55 words on the moment before you know you will be sucking a cock.

i have waited weeks for this and here i am. The smell; newly showered mixed with arousal. Is that me or you? Maybe both of us? It is big today, will it fit into my mouth? Will i be able to give you what you want? Can i take you deep enough. I will.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Days 8 and 9

Today, i am writing about two days of submission in one. This is mainly because i have little to write on the first and also because it seems a good idea to get through these a bit more quickly.

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

So far my relationship with Sir has been mainly based on things other than spanking. That is not to say that there hasn't been spanking, because there has. We haven't really got into that side yet. Maybe we will in the near future, who knows? i have to admit i prefer other elements of the things we do (kneeling before him, being tied or restrained, nipple clamps, humiliation to name a few), but am not averse to being spanked, whether it is with His hand of some other implement.

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them? 

i like structure and rules. it is what can make this different from other relationships and certainly from my hubby. With him there are no rules as such, just custom and practice, some of it less than exciting. i like that Sir can suddenly introduce a rule, and that rules can change. When i arrive at Sir's house i kneel before him, i am collared, maybe cuffed, maybe nipple clamps are applied and immediately i am expected to suck his cock. This is a ritual i love. Sir likes me to wear glasses rather than contacts, i am always happy to comply (i wear contacts too much anyway). Sir says i am to wear stockings and not tights, he says i am not to wear knickers (i don't always comply with these all of the time, but am doing so increasingly. 

I would like more structure and more rules, but to be realistic, monitoring these would be more time consuming and take effort and i am not sure either of us is so inclined. Maybe it is something we will discuss after He has read this.

There are limits, but we are exploring those as we go. i am fairly sure that we both share similar ideas on what those limits are. We have a safeword, but i haven't come close to using it since if i say that i am not sure about something then we pause or stop. Trust is the name of the game and that's what we have. 

Monday, 3 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Day 7

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it? 

So far i have needed little in the way of punishment, since i am a pretty compliant well behaved submissive. i tend to do as i am told, mainly because i know what is coming and i am able to do what is expected. Any discipline is part of the scene, role play or just plain play we are involved in and it is something i like to receive. Sir tells me he thinks he should punish me more, but so far i have avoided it. Last time we met i managed to avoid doing some things i didn't want to do (e.g. wearing stockings to the supermarket on a very hot evening) and afterwards we discussed that perhaps these kinds of things should be punished. i await my fate with interest!

i have no problem with being disciplined in whichever way Sir sees fit, as i actually trust him and am pretty sure he would make any punishment fit whatever misdemeanor i was deemed to have committed. i am also pretty sure that it would be pretty arousing.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Day 6

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

i am the elder of 3 children (i have 2 younger brothers). i think if anything i was dominant of them, rather than submissive to them. The elder brother had a slight stutter when young and i am told i used to help him out by speaking on his behalf (i know that isn't a help, but it certainly seemed like it at the time). The younger brother is almost 6 years younger than me and i kind of mothered him. i loved taking care of him and taking him places. Even as i became a teenager i took him with me on days out (including when i first got together with hubby). There is no way i was particularly submissive at home. 

When hubby and i moved in together and then married, it wasn't any kind of discipline or submission that made me develop the desire to take care of my new hubby, i just liked to do it. i remember taking whole days to clean the house and cook food (oh how young and keen i was, oh what a home maker). It was only later that i realised that i had created a rod for my own back. That even if i wanted him to do things i couldn't unless i ranted and raved and even then, not always. i am the doer, the decision maker, even down to deciding what we will have for dinner. i often long for this not to be the case.

What i do know though is that i had to work hard on my confidence, particularly at work. People consider me to be able and confident. I believe though that i haven't got that way without working at it. Keeping up that act is hard work, as is doing everything for someone at home. i long yearned for a release, some way i could be someone different at least some of the time. 

The submission i have discovered with Sir has provided me with that. It gives me the opportunity to give the responsibility for decision making about certain things to someone else. That i find liberating. 

The other big thing for me is the extent to which submission is a sexual turn on. Being restrained, being told that i am a slut or a whore, kneeling, bending over to be spanked; the list feels almost endless. The humiliation part of TTWD, i think is one of the big part of my submission and is most definitely sexually liberating for me. To dress in a way that has been dictated, but which i would not usually entertain. To do things in a public place that would normally be carried out in privacy. Those things give me a massive sexual thrill, and because they turn me on, Sir finds them arousing and pleasing. This then adds to the pleasure of submission and so on.

Saturday, 1 September 2012

30 Days of Submission - Day 5

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

 This is something new and it is my first. Today is the 5  month anniversary of the first time i chatted online with Sir. We role played a scene involving an estate agent and a woman selling her house due to marriage breakup. It involved dinner in a swanky restaurant and naughty stuff happening under the table cloth. 

Shortly before that, i had begun reading about BDSM (again as it was not the first time), but after that particular 'chat' and subsequent discussions, i read much much more. My thirst for information was insatiable. What i read in blogs, online articles and in books made me more and more curious. 

This feels unique when set against my other relationships, mainly because of its intensity, of the level of trust required and the things we do together. If hubby asks me to give him a blow job and i don't feel like it particularly, then i say just that and whether he likes it or not he doesn't get one. Of course i don't get much in the way of satisfaction either. With Sir, if he tells me to get on my knees and give him a blow job i just do it. This is because the relationship is based on Him being the Dominant, my Master and me being his submissive, his slut. i also know that i will get lots and lots of good feelings in return and if i am lucky with that will include many orgasms. In this relationship i have experienced many things i only ever dreamed of before and that makes it different.