Kinks and fetishes

Master has given me the task of blogging about my kinks and fetishes. I have written about all of them in this blog in the past, but this will give me the opportunity to go into much more detail.

There is no doubt that life in the kinky world has moved quickly for me, since my first encounters in April 2012. I was lucky to meet a man who made his fetishes clear to me and then who pushed my boundaries to achieve them. I have to admit the first time he called me a slut, or a whore, I wasn't sure  I exactly liked it. But what was clear was that being called those names turned me on. So in no particular order:

Humiliation and exhibitionism - I am putting these together, because even though it is not always the case so often they have taken place at the same time. Wearing clothes I wouldn't usually wear, perhaps without underwear can be both liberating and at the same time humiliating. Being out with Master while wearing  a short and revealing dress turns me on. I love the idea that others might look at me and think me a slut, I am willing to expose myself for Him, and to stand in a way that He can touch me up in a public place. I find it exciting, thrilling and shameful all at the same time. Sometimes though, I have been meeting Him somewhere and for example might have been to buy shoes. I am aware of my body at all times, the fear that i might need to bend over, might trip and my body be seen is scary but exciting. I love to be told how dirty I am, I love also to be made to express myself in words I wouldn't usually wish to. To use the words whore, slut, cunt in ways that I know turn Him on and in doing so do the same to me. To have those words written on my body and to see them in the mirror as I dress in the morning is also a big turn on. I am not sorry that Master doesn't have the same fetish for heels and stockings as S did. While I like the feel of the stockings, they are often too short, as I am tall. Of course, I would never have objected if that had been what He had wanted from me.

Being touched, played with, or even having sex out doors, especially in a public place is a big turn on for me. I love the feel of the air on my skin and the risks associated with being discovered doing something that is essentially taboo.

Anal play - I have written here quite a bit about the thrill Anal sex gives me. It feels on the one hand the most intimate thing, the biggest turn on and on the other something shameful (back to the humiliation thing). Increasingly I can orgasm without stimulation elsewhere, while having anal sex. What is more, the very presence of a butt plug, can be calming and settling. It helps put me into the most amazing head space. I have my new, larger plug at home and am very much looking forward to getting to know it much more intimately.

Restraint - I love to be restrained, especially when I have had a lot going on in my life, when I am tense. I love my legs to be restrained in the spreader bar, to have my arms tied (though I am less keen on handcuffs as they can be uncomfortable). If I am also blindfolded and gagged, then all the better. I love the way in which all of those things heighten your senses and make it hard to know what is exactly being done to you and with what toy.

Recently I have discovered that multiple orgasms, forced or otherwise, can have the effect of making me feel as though I am restrained, when I am not. This feeling helps my submission, especially when again I have been somewhat stressed for whatever reason.

Nipple play - My nipples have always been sensitive, but since I had them pierced you can multiply that 10 fold. I love when He plays with them in a public place or gives them a quick squeeze. I love them played with during sex, and I found out last week that it is possible to cum with no stimulation other than having your breast squeezed. I love also to play with  my own nipples and when alone, I do.

Pain - I am something of a pain slut, but not a masochist by any stretch of the imagination. Having said that, the more turned on I am, then the more pain I can tolerate. Especially if Master has taken a reasonably slow approach, perhaps starting with the violet wand and moving up through various paddles, crops and whips. Pain on my cunt, my tits and my legs are as good for me as on my bottom and back though.

Orgasm control, forced orgasms - The most amazing thing ever in my book is the hitachi, to be forced against your will (if indeed it was against my will) to cum multiple times with that wonderful toy is one of the best things. Closely followed by being able to cum just because someone tells you to. Luckily for me, Master likes me to cum and considers it an important thing, that orgasms are released and given to Him. Giving up that control was the first thing I did for Him and it is probably what got me to where I am now.

Cock worship - I am not sure this is a fetish or kink, since doesn't every woman do this? Maybe not, since I didn't in the past. The D/s dynamic gives a whole new perspective; He wants you to get down before Him and take Him, you want to, since you love His cock so much. Whatever, I do actually worship His very cock.

Have I missed anything? This might be a post that I need to add to......

Questions

I have tori to thank for my first questions, so here goes:

Do you fear how far you might go in your submission i.e. things perhaps you were sure you would never do, or do you just feel excitement

As far as I can see things right now, I am pretty much open to most ideas. I thought I didn't like too much pain, but it turns out that actually I do. So far, Graeme tells me He has held back on the pain front and I probably can't argue with that as I definitely haven't reached any kind of limit with Him on that. 

But actually I don't think pain and humiliation are my greatest challenge. For me it is about how i change my behaviours when i am with Him. Over the past couple of days we have discussed this quite a bit. For the most part when we are out together i am happy to just let him take the lead, but every now and then the me that wants to take over just, well, takes over. 

i am clear that my submission now is about expanding the boundaries around giving up control in new ways. Perhaps not jumping in to organise things in a restaurant? Perhaps stepping back when i normally would wade in? 

For me this is something new and equally something that i have spoken of. I have taken so much control during my marriage, letting go in real life situations is quite tricky. That is my challenge. 

What 3 things are high on your kink list?

This is harder, since i have done quite a lot!!

First i would like to try the girl thing again. Last time, well although it was fun i didn't really think it was for me. But if that was what was wanted of me, to please my Dom then yes, i would be happy to go again.

Second really is piercings - not essentially kink but the reason for them and the things that could be done because of them are kinky. Graeme and i have been discussing nipple and clit hood piercings for me. i am pretty sure they will happen this year. and then the kinky sky might well be my oyster

So i am now seeing Gadget Man, and in the past month i have been exposed to experiences that i could never have imagined. I think my fantasy would be a new toy He hasn't tried before and for which i am His first guinea pig.

These are my first March Questions - does anyone have any more?

Can't turn the clock back

A post by Vesta at Vesta's submission has had me thinking all day as I have gone about my pre-Christmas preparations (decorating the tree and shopping for presents) today. I am struggling with getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I can't quite get into the mood and am going through the motions a little. Still I have most of the presents bought, a few wrapped. I have started on the cards, but am struggling with signing our names in the usual way. I have a lovely tree chosen by my son who also helped to decorate it. For 22 he is still loves Christmas and why shouldn't he?

I know that it doesn't have to be like this. I know that all I had to do in the summer when S and I finished (all be it briefly), was to tell hubby that I had made a mistake and that I wanted to try again. There have been many times since that day that I could have patched things up between us. But, how can I? The relationship he is offering me is not what I want. I have discovered things about myself over the past couple of years that I probably always knew. I can't turn the clock back and pretend otherwise.

Until April 2012 hubby was the only man I had had full intercourse with. I always knew there was more that I wanted and needed but I struggled to work out what it was. I also knew that I didn't really want that something else with hubby. I spent lots of time reading about sex, particularly since we have had a computer in the house. There were programmes about kink on the TV form time to time and I was curious, but I didn't do anything about that curiosity.

The beginning of the relationship with S coincided in a heightening of my curiosity and discovery about the kinky side of me. One didn't cause the other, they happened at the same time. I was reading about BDSM, particularly blogs and stories, and I was visiting kink related websites (like Fetlife) and chatrooms. It was in a kink chatroom that I met S for the first time. We chatted and played out a fantasy scene. I was aroused and I was even more curious. Over the following few days I discovered that I was willing to things he asked me to like wearing no panties, like playing with myself when in a public place, like wearing stockings. I found that being called a slut by him turned me on. I found I wanted to please him. I discovered my submissive side and I liked it.

A defining moment came on the day I bought a butt plug and inserted it, in a car park while on the phone to him. He told me I was a good slut.  I loved the feeling of that plug inside me, but I loved the feeling of being told I was a good slut and that he was pleased with me even more. A few days later I met him and was bending over while he spanked me and then claimed me for his own.

I am not a different person to the one I was 2 years ago,  but I have explored my limits and I have found I want more than I ever knew from a relationship. I know I can't go back to the way I was then, and what is more I don't want to. I am kinky and that is something I just am. I didn't choose this, but you know what I am not sorry.

Photo from Austi81