MPB chooses her own domain

So, if there is anyone out there still following me from World of Joolz. I give you my new and ever lasting home. 

Find me here

This is my thought for today

As I travel through this journey, it strikes me that it isn't just to Master that I show so much of myself, but to people who support me through this blog. Thank you for doing so.

I make no excuse for concentrating at the moment on the issues that I need to focus on, they are painful but with the help of Master and of those around me, in person and virtually I know I will succeed.

I am off to France for the weekend tomorrow, a chance to reflect on where I have got to and to recharge for the next push.

New focus

It is a couple of weeks since I decided to take a break and a little longer since I posted properly here. I am ready to return, but will be trying to focus on myself, my journey and things that are important to me.  In the few weeks before my break, I had struggled for topics. But also I felt constrained by the knowledge that this is a public place and therefore can be read by anyone. I was finding some aspects of communication with my Master difficult and was also struggling in the relationship His other slave  and I are trying to form.  This was not and still is not the place to do that. This is a place for me to express myself and my feelings, to consider my progress, my journey.

My blogging break when it came was as the result of an event. With my permission (perhaps some would say misguided), I gave permission for Master's slave  (who from now on I will refer to as k), to read my blog. At the same time I was allowed to read her journal.  Not surprisingly, we both became upset about some of the things we read. After all these are personal accounts and they involve relationships with the same man. What is more, she and I have not actually met yet.

I felt that I should at that point rethink this blog and whether I continued with it in a public place, made it private or indeed closed it all together. Master and I discussed this issue at some length and I came to the decision to take a break and at the same time, create a place for He and I to communicate with each other. This has proved successful, and has meant I can write things I have not been able to articulate into spoken words and allow those thoughts to be discussed between us.

k and I have also spent time trying to get to know each other, to try to avoid the misunderstandings which can occur when you are learning to trust each other as we are. I don't deny this is an ongoing journey for us both, but I think we are both moving to a different place in terms of our relationship with each other and the trust we need to have.

So, I return to my blog. I will continue to write and I continue to follow this journey.

A short break

I am going to take a short blogging break while I consider the purpose of writing here.

For the past few weeks I have been a bit concerned that I have lost track of the reasons I started this, which was about my own journey to become the person I want and need to be. It is not about specific events or issues but about how I as a person manage and deal with them.

Master and I have discussed this, and I am going to take a new approach, to write in a different private place first. This is so that I can write freely, without worrying that it appears publicly on the web. Once I have cleared my head of some of the issues I need to do that with, then I feel I will be able to return, refocused.

I am still around, still reading, still here........

This is my blog

When I started this blog, I knew that I was at the beginning of a journey that was likely to continue for a while. At the time, I didn't know what I was getting into, I didn't know where it would take me. I didn't know how necessary it would be to write my thoughts down in the way I do now.

I have written of my excitement and my joy. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and when something new, exciting, thrilling happens, I want to share with the world. Even if the world here is a small place. During the difficult times it has been important to be able to read back to see the good things that have happened. To see what my thoughts were on those days.

Equally I have bared my soul here. I have described some difficult and painful feelings. Rejection, hurt, pain - both that caused to me, but that which has come from me to others and to myself. 

Often when I arrive I am confused and writing here, helps me to sort out my thoughts and then to be able to move on.

Last but not least, I have made some friends here. People who stop by and leave thoughts and encouragement, those I also know through their blogs and then those who I know in real life or know a little more of through email etc.

When I thought hubby had found this place, I thought I might have to stop, but luckily his visits were transient. I often feel lucky that he is so inept at the world of the internet.

This place is very important to me, this is a place where I can be free to write as I need. I just hope it will remain that way into the future. 

Blog Tour

i so love the idea of a blog tour,  a chance to show people around here and then to point them in the direction of more blogs - those that have nominated and others that i love to read.

Personally i like to think of us in the dream machine (though it actually seems to be called the mystery machine), with shaggy and scooby-doo and that blond guy, but that's another story. Personally i am more velma than the good looking slim one, but then no doubt velma is the interesting one!

i was invited on this tour by my good friend destiny, her blog Reclaiming "destiny" is just a few weeks old, but already she has shown she has some profound things to say about her thoughts and feelings about her Master and her position as slave to Him. Secondly i was nominated by BetsyT, her blog My life as a sexually submissive woman speaks to me in a many ways.

I recommend both blogs to anyone who doesn't already visit regularly and read their regular posts.

What is behind this Blog Tour?
It's pretty simple. Answer the 4 questions about yourself and post the answers on your blog page and then invite a few other bloggers that you admire to join in on the fun and include links to their blogs on their page.

What am i working on at the moment?
It is only a week ago that i accepted my Master's offer to become his slave. He is currently away so there is lots to be worked on here. Once He gets back in a week or so, i am sure that i will be given much to consider. But already i am thinking about how i give myself to Him completely and allow Him to take complete control of me. 

What is more, this is a polyamorous relationship, so there is much to be worked on there. This will be ongoing for some time to come.

Why do i write what i do?

First and foremost i write for myself. To better understand myself and how i feel about situations. This is my submissive journey and a way to document my progress. I am going through some significant life changes, so again i write to allow reflection on that process. More recently i write to allow my thoughts to come to Master's attention so that He and i can consider and discuss them in a safe place. Finally I do occasionally write so that others can find out something about me. Such as this tour. 

How does the process work?

Usually i consider themes or titles during the course of the day, whether when at work, commuting or lying in bed. Then i often begin to construct sections in my head, though that often changes. Sometimes though I have something burning inside me, I sit down and just write.

Usually i write what comes to mind, then spend some time editing and publish. Then i go back and re-edit any typos etc.

Only once have i sent my post to another - this weekend, i consulted with Master about yesterday's post but only so i could be sure i had the right balance. This is a place where what i write are my own thoughts and nothing written here can ever be a source of punishment. Occasionally I start a post and finish later, but more often than not i write quickly since as mentioned the words are already there to flow.

3 bloggers to invite along that i admire, read and identify personally with:

My lovely friend "pig" (as lovingly described by her Master) from Thoughts from His Slut

abby from Finally finding me

little from willing slut

Liebster Award

I have noticed a number of blogs over the last few weeks who have been given this award by others who visit them. It is great when those blog owners then award to blogs that I am not familiar with - it is a great way to find new places to visit. Of course i love to visit some of the more established blogs too, to gain an insight from those who have far more experience than me. Thanks to tori from Pain's Pleasure who has nominated me and who falls into the second category. She has been around for a long time and experiences, good and bad to share. Like me she blogs about what is in her head, whether that is about slavehood or life in general.

• Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog.

• Display the award on your blog-- by including it in your post and / or displaying it using a "widget" or "gadget".

• Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.

• Provide 11 random facts about yourself.

• Nominate 5 to 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display the widget that lets readers know this information.

• Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.

• List these rules on your post. Once you have written and published it, you then have to :

• Inform people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!)

I am not going to actually follow the rules, since in truth rules are there to be broken. Of course, I am going to answer tori's questions:

1)  How did you meet your significant other?

Sir and i met on the internet in a chatroom on Alt.com. We happened to live near each other and decided to meet for a drink as we got on well online. That was 3 months ago and so far so good.

2)  The best childhood memory? 
Family holidays with my parents and brothers. Great trips to France and to places in the UK. Trips to the homes of other wider family members and trips out with them. The downside was sitting between 2 fighting brothers in the car. But generally the experiences on those trips were good. Plus now I know that they provided some excellent memories to look back on.

3)  If you had to live somewhere other than you do now, where would it be? 
I would always choose somewhere near the sea. But for now where I am is fine. It is close to Sir and that is great after all of the travelling I did to visit S, even though he lived near the sea.

4)  Worst bad habit?
Not allowing people to finish what they are saying before I jump in. I am trying to be better at listening and trying to hold back in all areas of my life. It is a key behaviour change, part of my submission. 

5)  Favourite book?
I don't have one favourite, but tend to find new books that are my favourite at the time. Most recently I would say was wild: a journey from lost to found by Cheryl Strayed. It is an autobiography of someone who walked the Pacific Crest Trail at a difficult time in her life. A voyage of discovery, a little different to my own, but one all the same.

6)  Any big ambitions that you have yet to achieve?
Just to travel to some new places and enjoy different experiences. Nothing huge, but important all the same.

7)  Name one guilty pleasure?
Probably wine. I do like a glass or 3 of sauvignon blanc.....

8)  Favourite film?
I am no film buff and until recently hadn't been to the cinema much. I did enjoy Lincoln last year, and have also been enjoying some of the Coen brothers films. Otherwise it is films that provide memories: first film with my son - Jungle Book etc. Often I avoid seeing films based on books I have read; they can be so disappointing.

9)  If you could or wanted to change one thing about your partner, what would it be?
I wouldn't change anything. I spent too much time trying to change my hubby and found that what I needed was to either change me or to get out. I am older and wiser now and I am just happy to go with his flow.

10) what would they want to change about you?
He is changing my behaviours in quite a few ways. They are ways in which I want to change, so no problem there. I am a calmer person now and perhaps that was one thing at the beginning he sought to change.

A few things about me:

• There are few foods I don't like, and will usually try most things. I hate peanut butter though

• I love warm sunny places, but really can't stand too much heat. Over 30c and I am heading for an air conditioned place to sit. Or perhaps the sea....

• I managed to help my son develop a love of history by taking him to castles all over the south of England and in France as a child. He now has a degree in History.

• I would love a garden full of flowers, but I get pretty bad hay fever which makes that difficult, plus I have never yet found the energy to actually create such a garden.

• I have an uncorrected squint in my left eye, which makes depth perception difficult. I am rubbish at racket sports because of this and see double close up. Sometimes double vision is nice when you are looking at someone you care for!

• I had a very difficult pregnancy with my son and was in hospital for weeks with pre eclampsia. It is the main reason I only have one child.

• I don't have lots of friends, perhaps I haven't put enough effort in over the years. But I do have some very special friends, some of whom I have met through places like Fetlife. I would love to meet some of my blog friends.

• I am still a registered nurse even though I haven't nursed a patient for years. My favourite job as a nurse was when I cared for people with rheumatoid arthritis. Now a days I am happy in management. It is less demanding on the body.

• I have another blog related to my work, though I haven't updated it in a long time and feel more inclined to write about this side of my life right now than that.
• I was the first person in my close family to get a degree, my son achieved a better classification than me though.

As I said, I am not going to stick to the rules. Most people on my blogroll have been given this award and have fulfilled this task if they wanted to. So I will leave it at that.

This blog

On 21st of April it will be the 2nd anniversary of my first post. i started this blog to document a personal journey and for the first few months that was exactly what it was. i wrote what i was experiencing and pretty much no one read it. But then gradually, as i explored the submissive blogosphere and left comments, so people came here and did the same. Then after a few months i told S about this place (though he found it around the same time accidentally) and so he also read my posts. Generally speaking he found the whole thing a turn on, not surprising as i wrote more about sex than about my true feelings.

Of course i have documented the way in which my marriage has deteriorated over time. i have spoken of the pain of having to tell your husband you are unfaithful and the difficulties in helping him come to terms with both that and that the things you do with others are not something you want to share with him. As much as possible, i have tried to be honest about who i think i am and my journey to get there.

Last summer i exposed my raw pain and then my joy at finding a new kind of relationship with S. True that after last summer, i was much much more careful about what i wrote and perhaps during that time i was playing a little to the crowd (as it were)

Now though, things are different.

i told Graeme about this place within a few days of us meeting and since then He has read not only what i had previously written but everything since. He has begun to use it as a way of gauging how i am feeling about different emotions and He and i discuss what i write.

When i write now, i definitely write for me. i write about me, about my hopes, fears and definitely my feelings. i also write knowing he will read it.

Even so, i often write in the moment. When feeling particularly submissive or even in subspace. While i edit punctuation i never actually significantly change anything i write. As with me as a person, what you see is what you get.

This is a different blog post than the one i intended to write. But after my conversation with Sir this evening it seems appropriate and hey it just came to me!

................................

Yesterday while this girl was at Sir's house, hubby returned home here. This girl is pleased to say that she feels she handled the situation well and while she has experienced some of his usual self centred texts today she has in the main stayed firm (with help from Sir of course).

A version (not as good as this one) of this song was playing on the radio as this girl drove home from the supermarket. It made this girl think about her weekend with Sir and some of the times they spend together. Perhaps a message in a blog post?

More of Fiona's questions

For post 250 of my blog it is time i answered Fiona's extra questions:

She wanted to know what Graeme most likes about playing with me.  Unfortunately i got the question slightly wrong when i asked his opinion and asked him which implement he most likes to use on me. 

His answer is the violet wand.

What an amazing thing that is. Who knew that you could be turned on by different gadgets on the end of an electric current like that? He loves my reaction to it, particularly on my nipples and clit (where else). As far as i understand this is not a gadget that is right for all, but it definitely is good for me, especially near the beginning of a session. i think it probably starts the process as i move into sub space.

Question 2 is about what he thinks about my blog. 

I was open about it from the beginning and didn't want him finding it by accident. What he says about it is that it tells him about me. It tells him about my journey and about what i have thought about the different things i have done along the way.

He sees it as an important part of our continuing journey as a place i can talk about how i feel about things and a place i might say things that i can't tell him. So far that hasn't happened, but it is a distinct possibility that it will.

He is clear that i am free to say whatever i want here. But we have discussed that it needs to be a place for me to explain me, and as such won't be about me bragging about the wonderful sex i have had. Of course, that might well come through.

I see this blog as a place i will now consider my increasingly submissive self and the relationship Graeme and i have together. It will also be about the other parts of our lives, His other relationship and mine.

As i mentioned earlier i am about to (on 1st April) enter year 3 of this journey. i have to admit that this is an exciting time for us both and one which i intend to continue to describe here.

No longer lost, but not quite found either

So S and I are back in the swing of seeing each other again and things are, I think, pretty good on that front. He seems like his old self, and what's more, he is keen to see me and to touch me. I am happy to comply with his wishes on dress, and actually I like to dress up for him, to wear the stockings and heels. He finds me attractive and that helps me feel attractive in return. Dominance and submission is always present in the bedroom but outside it our relationship has become pleasantly average. I don't feel particularly unhappy about that right now. Essentially I can go with the flow, and take our friendship and also give and take the sex.

Due to the unpleasantness I experienced from hubby all of the time he knew of my affair with S, I have decided not to tell him about the recent turn of events. So he doesn't know I am seeing S again. I feel a little guilty about this, but the emphasis is on 'little'. Although we appear to live together still. i.e. he has his belongings here and he visits pretty much daily, actually we really aren't. I don't actually remember the last time we spent an evening together, or indeed the last time he stayed the night here. He returned on Thursday from a trip to Rome with a friend, appearing on Friday morning to get ready for work. He lay on the bed and held my hand, he told me he had missed me and asked if we could have lunch together. My new job means I can't just drop everything and come home, and we work quite a distance from each other. I suggested lunch today, and he said he couldn't do that as he is helping a friend with a job in his garden. So essentially we remain in limbo, unable or perhaps unwilling to have the conversation which will bring things to their natural conclusion. Meanwhile, since we see so little of each other, we are actually on good terms. We are able to text and talk on the phone, without unpleasantness, but then part of that is because he thinks he no longer needs to say anything unpleasant given that he doesn't know I have seen S again.

The fact is that I have a marriage which might be on its last legs, but which is harder to let go of after nearly 30 years than I might have imagined.

I have a relationship with S which is based on trust, friendship and lust. It contains kinky sex, a bit of humiliation, dressing up for my man and also some pain. If anything he is enjoying showing me how much he cares for me, and attending to my needs just that little bit more.

I still feel like I am on some kind of journey, I just don't quite know where I am headed, and how long it will take. I guess though that I will know when I am there and what's more, I will enjoy myself on the way. For now, that will do for me.

Photo from myboundwife.com

Three Blogs I always read

It is coming up to a year since I started blogging here.

This is not my only blog, I have another which is mainly about work related stuff and where I have also discussed the state of nursing and of healthcare amongst other things. Through that other blog, I have found a few people with whom I have interacted online and who are currently facebook friends. I have blogged since 2006, not always regularly. Now I have more time, and now the fog of the last few months at work are beginning to lift, I have begun to post there again.

This blog though feels different. I have used it to feel my way through a whole new episode in my life. I have at times been overwhelmed by the wonderful support I have been given here. I have also found some wonderful blogs. Those blogs have made me smile (and even laugh), cry, wince (at the pain some people enjoy). I have found a group of people I can identify with, many of those people are women, but equally some are men. I have found I like to look at sexy and erotic photos, and have seen that these can be beautiful, funny, sad and a real turn on. I have enjoyed the stories of peoples lives and the wonderful fiction that flows from the key boards of others.

I have chosen the blogs on my blogroll because I can identify with the people who write them in some way. I always read all the updates when I have time to do so, and if I feel like commenting, then I do that too. I can't choose three blogs, because there are so many. The list increases as I discover new ones, and there remains plenty of room at the side of my blog to add them.

To all my fellow bloggers, thanks for being there and for writing such amazing stuff worthy of reading. I read you all.

Having the time

We always manage to fit as much as possible into our meetings. Often in the past we have had just a few hours together. Sometimes we have had a night, but often not even that. Those days will be packed with sex;  kinky, kinky sex. i will be dressed for him. Wearing the things he likes; stockings with suspender belt, heels, some lacy lingerie; whatever takes his fancy. Interspersed with that there will be an opportunity for me to be cuffed, tied to his lovely bed, clamped and spanked (not necessarily all at the same time). There will be food (there is nothing like an orgasm to make Sir insatiably hungry), often easy to cook, easy to eat food expertly prepared by Him. Sometimes we will have time for a sleep together or to watch a film on TV. But often things are rushed.

Last weekend though, we had 3 whole nights together. Much much more time to do the things we wanted together, to sit and talk and to go out for a very, very long walk and do ordinary things. I have to say, there is nothing like a bit of variety of activity to make you feel good and to enjoy yourself, to relax.

That is definitely what we did. Friday, as previously told, was all about trying out the new toys (well if you go to the trouble of finding them, you have to get straight down to it). That crop was wicked, but in a very juice producing, spanky kind of way. When it brushed my skin it made me tingle, when it passed through the air it made the most delicious wooshing sound, and when it hit my bare bottom it both hurt and excited all in one.

Saturday morning dawned, as i awoke still in my stockings (Sir likes me to sleep in them, and if i am not too hot in bed, i will awake with them on) and he took possession of me again. He loves to stroke my bare bottom and then to possess it, to fill it with his hardness. i love it too and of course since i am now an anal slut, i am not going to argue. There is nothing like some morning sex to invigorate and so showered and dressed we set off for a coastal walk.

Sir lives near the most beautiful coastline and countryside. We have walked a number of times along it (well up and down it), but this walk was serious. We took a short bus ride and then set off, stopping many times to take in the view, to have tea and food (so thoughtfully brought along and carried by Sir) and to get our breath after a big climb.

These were some of the views.

 And this was our reward, once we arrived at the place we were heading for. Mine was a chocoholic, Sirs something with Baileys in it. Mine was bigger but took me no time at all to eat. We also had lovely Italian coffees.

Then it was on to the local cinema and some American history. We both really enjoyed the film, thought Daniel Day Lewis really good and learnt things about that time that we didn't know.

Back home, we ate a steak dinner prepared by Sir, drank a little wine, watched some TV and headed to bed to rest our aching legs and to have some lovely sex.

 i can't say how much i love having the time....

Inspiring Bloggers



tori at Pains Pleasure has nominated me for this lovely blogging award. The various blogging awards are a really nice thing, as often the nominees are to blogs i have never read (as well as many of the great regulars of course), and that means more places to go and more inspiration to be had. This award is about inspiring bloggers, and there are quite a few people in the blogging world who definitely inspire me. What is more those people have been there for me in my darkest hours recently; they have encouraged me to carry on, to follow my journey, to find fulfillment as a submissive woman.

The rules this time are:

Display the award logo on your blog

Link back to the person who nominated you

Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link back to them

Notify said nominated bloggers

List 7 things about yourself

Some of the blogs that inspire me are:

• Willing slut, apply within - L struggles with her own journey, but is always there to encourage and support
• Finding my submission - sin is also finding life tough right now, but somehow hangs on in there
• Pains Pleasure (back to you tori) - i just love reading about tori's world both kink and vanilla
• Fondlers Anonymous - so much in common with lovely fondles, plus our relationships begain on the same day
• Sir Q and me - fiona writes a great blog, describing life with her Master so wonderfully, she often comments here and i really value her support
• Finally finding 'me' - lovely abby who also visits frequently and who sends us all lots of hugs. She also writes some lovely descriptions of her time with her Master
• Bright bottom - I must of course mention Spanky's blog, after all he has helped me become a CWS. Whats more, i see he is starting a blog for that very topic!
• Leather cuffs and silken bonds - I love to read about Jake and joy's life together, to read Jakes tasks and see his great photos. Plus he often comments here.

Ok, so i know that's not 15 and i know there are more. i may well add to them later.

Things about me: (apologies if i have mentioned any of this stuff before)

• i am something of a last minute person (this explains why i am currently typing this with wet hair when i should be getting ready for work), but i always do what needs to be done and i do it on time
• i love cooking, but until recently was rubbish at cakes. Recently though i seem to have found some recipes that work and i am enjoying the challenge
• i have worked for my employer the National Health Service for 32 years, but suddenly i am under notice of redundancy. Still hopeful of a job by the end of March though
• i am facinated by politics and during the last election i became a member of the Labour party in the UK. i have been out delivering leaflets for them, but am not interested in forcing my views on this topic on anyone else.
• i have 2 degrees, both obtained since my 40th birthday
• i would love to do more study and if i am made redundant i might well do so. It won't be health related though, perhaps history or philosophy
• i was thinking of buying some new boots, but yesterday i cleared out a cupboard and discovered i already have 8 pairs. Still that's not too many is it?

A better day

After my brief, but miserable update last night, I am pleased to say I am feeling a whole lot better. While I still don't have a job post April, I do have one now. What is more I have had some time today to discuss things with colleagues and to reflect. I have found another job to apply for and have chatted to that particular boss.

I have also spent an hour with Sir (through the power of Skype). That has helped me immensely. He has a way of making me feel so much better. He is great at listening and then of making me smile; perhaps that is one of the reasons I value his opinion so much. After half an hour or more of good vanilla chat, we moved on and discussed what we would like to be doing with each other. As ever this made me very wet. I was then pleased to show him that I was wearing stockings and suspenders, no knickers, which I know pleased him.

That time together was just what I needed. I was allowed to cum and for that I am both grateful and a little fulfilled this afternoon. We chatted about the upcoming Christmas festivities and about me visiting him in the new year. We also reflected on the great things we have done over the last 9 months.

Today, then I am feeling a whole lot happier and extremely grateful. For him and for the lovely friends I have made through my blog - thanks for all of the support you give me guys.

Plus I only have 2 more working days till I finish for Christmas and that I might say is a very good thing!

Liebster Award

My week hasn't really panned out the way I expected so I am a bit late to the Liebster Award party. Thanks though to Fiona at SirQsmlb who nominated me, I really appreciate it and the kind words she said about my blog in her nomination. Blogging has proved for many of us to be our saving grace, a place to come and express ourselves in a way that is difficult even with our own loved ones. Our blogs are a place to be ourselves. That has certainly been true for me. I will write much much more about the events of this week, but for now I am grateful that I am able to use this award post to be a little more light hearted. So here goes:

The rules of this award:

• When one receives the award, one posts 11 random facts about oneself and answers the 11 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
• Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (while making sure one notifies the blogger that one nominated them!)
• One writes up 11 NEW questions directed towards YOUR nominees.
• One is not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated one’s own blog!
• One pastes the award picture into one’s blog. (You can google the image, there are plenty of them!) 

Since I am really late and since my brain is not fully functioning, I am not sticking to the rules, instead I am going to give you my random facts and answer Fiona's questions but not nominate anyone else - most people seem to have already participated.

11 Random facts about me (I hope I haven't said these ones before)!

1. My parents are both only children and I have one child myself (I am not an only child though)
2. I left home at 18 to become a nurse. Sadly the lovely old hospital where I trained as a nurse has been knocked down. There are some very sad pictures on facebook to prove it
3. My favourite nursing job was when I looked after patients with rheumatoid arthritis; I was a specialist nurse. The workload overwhelmed me in the end and when I left they replaced me with 2 people!
4. My son spent a year studying in the US and this time last year he was staying with a friend and his family in LA. I am grateful that they made his time there so special (thought I would throw in a Thanksgiving reference)
5. I love food much too much, and am very bad at leaving food when full  - probably caused by my mum making us eat everything on our plates before we could get down from the table!
6. I love to walk and be near the sea. I love that Sir lives near the sea (though there are other reasons I like to be with him)
7. I find the idea of sex outside exhilarating and I haven't been disappointed
8. I am not a great movie buff, I do enjoy a good film, but one of my problems is I have trouble recalling what a film was called or what happened in it quite soon afterwards!
9. I love Christmas day, and still find it difficult to sleep the night before. I love the smell of turkey cooking, I love wrapping presents while listening to Christmas music; I just love it
10. I love to be with people, but I really need my own space. My son is the same.
11. I like playing board games, and miss the times when we used to play games when my son was younger. He was a terrible loser at times. Now they are reserved for Christmas time - another reason to love it!

Now the questions from Fiona:

1.  What's your favourite implement for spanking? - We haven't tried all that many so far, but probably his hand. I am still waiting for that riding crop!

2.  What is your favourite dessert? - I love lemon, probably lemon meringue pie

3.  What's your favourite toy in your arsenal? - Nipple clamps; they just turn me to mush!

4.  What is your favourite sport (whether to play or watch)? - I was never very good at playing sport, but I do like to watch. This year I particularly loved the Olympics especially the athletics. I also liked watching the cycling as it reminds me of Sir.

5.  City life or country life? - Country would be my choice, though by the sea would be even better!

6.  What's your favourite pair of shoes? - My black fuck me heels at present, but my new suede boots are pretty good too; Sir likes both!

7.  Are you with a significant other?  If so, for how long? - yes 28 years

8.  Swallow, spit or pull out?  (either you do or have your partner do) - Pull out, though I will do whatever He wants!

9.  What would your motto be? - Live life to the full!

10.  Most interesting class you ever took in school? - A law module when doing my degree (I was a mature student), it stopped me going to see patients on my day off since I found I wasn't covered by the hospital insurance!

11.  Describe your kink in 11 words or less. - Dominate me, spank me, clamp me, I am yours!

The fonts seem to be all over the place, probably as I copied some of it from Fiona's original post. Still I guess it is the content that is important here! 

Love Our Lurkers

Since this is my first year of blogging around these parts it is my first Love Our Lurkers day. This is a day dedicated to those people who visit a blog but who rarely, if ever comment on that blog. Most of us began that way, exploring what might be a new area of interest, gaining the knowledge of life experiences from those living this lifestyle. Often they seem like places where the people who comment and get involved are the same people, close friends, a clique even. But once you get the nerve to write your name (which of course doesn't need to be your real one) and a short (or long) message, you find that everyone is very welcoming. The great thing about D/s bloggers is just how friendly they are. Pretty much without fail they give individual replies to those who leave a comment on their blogs. You also find that while people read each others blog and chat like friends, in most cases they don't actually know each other in real life. It is like a coffee shop where people meet for a coffee (maybe cake) and a chat, and then people go off on their way. Observers (lurkers) think they are close friends, but this is actually the only place they know each other from. And that's the way they like it.

I know quite a few of you who visit this place visit reasonably frequently. I actually know who some of my lurkers are as they communicate with me in other ways (email or through fetlife). Everyone is very welcome to leave me a comment, I will welcome you with open arms. Who knows I may even have the coffee on.....

I have to admit that I am not feeling all that engaged with things D/s this week. Sir has been a bit off colour after a minor 'procedure' and I am having work related stuff going on. This has meant the few chats we have had since last Saturday have been pretty ordinary nay vanilla in context and form. Not that this is a bad thing in itself, but it is just that it feels there is little to write here. I am spending time reading the blogs of others, sometimes lurking (of course we all still do it) and sometimes commenting. I often read the blogs of others to get inspiration, particularly at times like this when I don't have any exciting real life events to report and need some ideas to get me going. I get the feeling I am going to need some of those ideas in the coming weeks or else this will be a dull place where people won't even lurk, much less comment.

I do have some good old ordinary vanillaesque (new word people) weekend to look forward to. My college boy son is granting us a visit after 2 months in the world of books and whatever else they get up to. Hubby and I are off out for a night out tomorrow with some good friends and on Sunday I have my folks visiting for a good old fashioned Sunday Roast. None of these things are in any way kinky, but I know I will enjoy them and they will be fun. I can't ask more than that right now.

Reflections - Judgement

As you might expect, during my period away from home, from work and the daily chores of life i have had time to properly reflect on where i have got to in my life and in what i am currently doing in relation to seeing Sir. At the beginning of the holiday, there were numerous times when i wanted to have 'that' conversation with my husband. To tell him that i want something different from life, that i want...what? Trouble with me is i really do want it all. i am no longer sure i want to break up my marriage of getting on for 30 years unless i have a pretty good alternative. It is not the living on my own i wouldn't like, it is more the mess i would live behind and the fact i would need to find somewhere to live. i would lose friends, lose the respect of family and much more. i would really hurt hubby. The alternative (to doing nothing) is to come clean about the affair side of things and to seek an open relationship. This would be my preference, but of course, once i open my mouth to hubby there would be no turning back and i could find myself rapidly in scenario one. As the week went on, and we were able to talk, laugh and to have some fun (though no sex), i realised that perhaps for now it is best to keep the status quo. i don't really seek to change my life significantly, Sir lives quite a way away and my job and my family are here.

My biggest problem is that i hate the deception. i have been the one to be deceived and i didn't like it. In the past i have been able to hold the moral ground, as i could always say to hubby that whatever else i had done, i had never slept with another man. During the last 6  months though, i have had enough sex with another man to constitute 3 years of sleep! No moral ground for me now then! i hate the idea of being judged when all i am doing is finding something of myself in my 50th year. i feel i deserve that deep down, but trouble is that i know that life is not that simple. People will and do judge. People judge each other when they don't even really know each other, let alone when they are friends and family. We all have moral standards and values, and i am no different.

When i started this blog, i was very fearful of being judged by the community that i was seeking to enter; hence my disclaimer at the top of my blog. My take on this was that i judge myself already and don't actually need anyone who reads what i write to make those judgements too. Until now, i have found the BDSM blogging community to be pretty tolerant. Personally i love to read about the lives of my fellow bloggers, some of the things they have done have led me to consider new options for myself and Sir. Littleone and Fondles both bought corsets and then i got myself one which Sir loved. It is the stories of spanking which have led to more spanking taking place in my scenes with Sir (we have both read blogs where lots of spanking takes place). But there is plenty of what i read that i don't want for myself and Sir doesn't want for us. We may discuss some of these things, we make judgements. i wouldn't go to other peoples blogs and tell them that their choices are rubbish and that they are wrong to have taken them. i might join a discussion about them, but when i write comments i try to be kind. i have without exception, found people commenting here to be kind people. Some of those who do comment (i am making a judgement here), probably disagree with the idea of me having an affair while still married to hubby and while he is in the dark about things. But if they do then they don't show it and for that i am grateful. This doesn't mean that people have to agree with what i or others say, people can and do express their thoughts but tact and kindness is key.

Since i am still on leave from work, and hubby is not, i had plenty of time yesterday to catch up with all the reading i had missed on my favorite blogs. i was surprised and upset by the events over the past few days at finding my submission where judgements were expressed in an unpleasant way. i am pleased to say that many fellow bloggers showed their support for sin and that those events led to a number of posts by sin, aisha and sfp at jumping on in about blogging and the extent to which we provide a support group for each other and don't judge when perhaps we should, about anonymity and about having opinions but just being nice about them. As usual, something not so pleasant has led to lots of discussion. Trouble is, that in the original post, sin was trying to express some concerns about her relationship with her Master which like mine is extra marital. Those concerns got lost in lots of other valuable discussion, but left sin and others feeling wounded (i am making a judgement based on what i have read). So i guess that after this long ramble what i am saying is, by all means judge, but be nice when you do it, and don't forget the original message.

Internet searches

i am sure that many of my fellow bloggers have such busy and varied lives that they have no need to bother with their blog stats. i on the other hand am interested to see what activity there is. This is despite my assertion that i writing this purely for myself. This doesn't  mean i am lying, since the blog is mainly there for me to record what is happening to me so i can look back and monitor what has happened, when and where.

But i would definitely be telling porkies if i said i didn't look at my stats at least once a day if online. I am not the least bit worried about  how many people pop by; i just like to know. To begin with i was intrigued that most visitors seemed to come from odd websites about home insurance or employment (maybe someone can tell me how this happens).

For the first time today though i have noticed some interesting search terms used to visit my blog. For example: kneeling for anal sex (in my experience, not only should you kneel, but perhaps bend over on all fours), suspender belt, stockings and skirt (yes i wore those today), butt plug skirt (not sure if this is linked to the previous one, but the two things could be worn at the same time, though not compulsory), sex and submission (yes this is the place for that as i do both).

So while i don't write the most popular, busiest blog on the planet, which is fine as i am mainly here for myself and for Sir, i do appear to be providing a service. This can only be a good thing!

One Lovely Blog

It has been a busy week. Sometimes when i look back on a period of 7 days i am amazed that it has only been a week. This week is a case in point since 7 days ago i was waking up in Barcelona, while we were there we packed lots in, then we flew home and the next day i went back to work. Work is busy right now. Plus there was food shopping, which i would normally do at the weekend and then washing, lots of it. 

In my absence / while i was busy many of my favourite bloggers and some i am only just acquainting myself with were awarding One Lovely Blog awards. So now it is my turn. 

The One Lovely Blog Rules of Acceptance

Thank the person/people who nominated you and link back to them in your post.
Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.
Nominate fifteen or so bloggers you admire.
Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know and link back to them.

i have been nominated by Aisha, Jake, Fondlers Anonymous and Littleone, thank you to all of you. I am particularly pleased and honoured to be nominated since i am so new to this wonderful kinky world and my blog is only a few months old. 

I am relieved that there only needs to be seven things, i had a go recently at the 100 things list (it is unpublished) but got stuck before i got to 10. So here are 7 

1. i am a nurse by profession, but have worked in 'management' for the last 11 years. i often think about going back to the bedside but the reality is that i don't think i will
2. i have 2 brothers, both younger than me. i was always on one hand bossy and on the other let them get away with murder. i have always been someone who does all they can for other people and they are no exception. 
3. My birthday is coming up, i will be 50. I am a Leo and often display those lion like tendencies. My roar is much worse than any lion kind of bite though!
4. Hubby was my first real boyfriend. i had a couple of little flings before we got married but after a long courtship (old fashioned term i know) of 6 years we tied the knot. 
5. It was another 7 years before my lovely son came along. i have loved being a mother and feel proud he has turned out so well. Parenting is a very important thing and something you just have to learn as you go along. i miss him being my little boy but on the other hand like to spend time with the adult he now is!
6. i love the sea and would love to live at the seaside. i find it has a calming and settling effect on me. i love the look of it and i love the salty wind that blows through your hair. Sir lives by the sea.......
7. i struggle with my weight. i love to eat and can think of very few things i don't like. i also like a glass of wine or 3. i don't like exercising. But here is the thing, i can eat really healthily, i can abstain from drinking and i can and do exercise. Trouble is i am inconsistent and therefore my weight yo yo's a bit. Restarting zumba this week coming...

As i am new to all of this, though as i have said before not new to blogging, i couldn't get to 15, i am still building my blog roll but this exercise has helped me find more which is great. i have started to read blogs each day so have cut down my facebook experience (thank goodness)!

The first sub/slave blog i ever read was libby's a submissive's musings which i have read so much of. i was intrigued by her lifestyle and while i am not sure i could be slave material i was drawn to the structure and rules she and others live within. 

littleone, at willing slut, apply within, was the first person to leave me a comment on my blog. i love to read her blog and to follow her ongoing journey which is really quite similar to mine.  


kitty - the submissive wife is another blog i enjoy reading and what is more i love the beautiful dress on her front page - weird but true!


Fondlers Anonymous writes so much wonderful sense, she lives her life to the full. i love to read about what she and BIKSS are getting up to and about the thoughts and feelings that go with it. There are parallels between our lives since while she is free, BIKSS is not. 


aisha is another blogger who writes regularly and has some really great stuff to say about her life and its ups and downs. 


sin at finding my submission is someone who writes about all aspects of life whether that is about submission and kink or whether it is about every day stuff. 


Jake at Leather Cuffs and Silken Bonds has a blog that is just so educational to a novice such as me. Also just realised he has also nominated me so thank you Jake


Spanky at Bright Bottom finds some wonderful photos and other links which i love to look through and which i have shared from time to time with Sir. 


Harper Eliot at It girl rag doll provides a mixture of stories, life and art. A great read.

Submission & metaphor and pain's pleasure, both of whom write beautifully and honestly. What's not to like?

Dear SIR

So today i head off to Barcelona for the weekend with hubby, my brother and his girlfriend, it feels like a good time to tell you that i have been writing this blog. You will have received the url in an email and i hope you read it. By doing so i hope that you can tell, if you didn't know already that meeting you has had a profound effect on me and on my life. i just want to say, Sir, that i couldn't be more glad that i stumbled across you on that particular chat site. That we played out that scene that night, that we chatted on the phone and that i was brave enough to turn up when we arranged to meet. In 3 short months you have helped me to find a completely different side to myself.

i started writing this blog soon after, as a place to write about myself and the person i hoped to become. i hope you will agree that with your help i am well on that journey. Who would have believed that i would become such a slut, and what is more your slut!

As you know i would give anything to be heading away for the weekend with you, but rest assured i will be thinking about you and about the wonderful things we do together, the amazing way you make me feel and will be looking forward to us being together for at least a whole night later this month.

With all of my love Sir,
Joolz xxx