Thursday, 27 June 2013

Time for action

Redundancy and then time off work has been great for my general wellbeing. I feel relaxed, my batteries recharged. It has done nothing for my weight.

This morning I decided to get back to my Wii work outs with Mel B. As I stood on the balance board, a message flashed across the screen - there is a marked difference in your weight since last time, are you sure you are J! Sadly, yes this is J, she is just heavier than she has ever been in her life.

I knew I had put on weight, my clothes (the ones that still fit) are tight. I am uncomfortable and while I have more energy because I am not tired, actually I know I am fat and unfit.

I have been eating too many bad things (e.g. cheese) and drinking too much (wine mainly). Spending the amount of time alone that I currently do, doesn't help.

Hubby remarked about my weight last night during a 'discussion'. I know he didn't mean to hurt me (not about that anyway), but he did. However he was right and I do need to do something about it.

Today, I have bitten the bullet and joined the online version of slimming world. I had good results in the past, but don't feel the need (yet), for group humiliation. I believe I can get myself into shape with a revised diet and a fitness programme.

Hubby suggested Sir must like me fat. I don't suppose he does, but he tends not to comment on these things. Plus he knows I have been under lots of stress and pressure at home. I bet though, that he would like to see me in that corset again, the one that is currently much much too small to do up!

I know its Thursday and traditionally we start these things on Monday. But when you realise you weigh more than you did when you gave birth, it is time for action. That is what I am going to try to do!

Update: Sir, can you help offer up any incentives for getting thinner and fitter?

Monday, 24 June 2013

Exciting times

Despite the mess that is my marriage, essentially I am having a really good time right now. I have discovered that with a bit of effort, good things can happen. Granted I have been helped along by my redundancy payment which I am mainly using wisely (though the odd bit of recklessness doesn't go amiss.

While on holiday, I was offered the opportunity to buy a small apartment in a French coastal resort. The deal is excellent and to be honest it offers a better use of the money I have available for investment. I will be able to rent it out and also it will be somewhere for all of the family to use for holidays. In about 5 or 6 weeks it should be mine and that will offer some great new opportunities.

I have now been offered some work, essentially 3 days per week for the next 3-4 months, plus there is some other work in the offing. Hopefully this will mean I can take another short break in the autumn, when I will definitely be going to France!

I went to look at cars on Saturday and came out of the show room the owner of a new car. I went with the intention of buying a car that was 2 years old, but what with 0% interest and some other enticements, the new one was too good to pass up. By the weekend I should have it and that will be lots of fun.

The kitchen planner came today, and my final large purchase will soon be on order. This is the first time, in 20 years in this house that we have had something like this done. The last kitchen was a DIY job, and was never actually quite finished. This will give me something I have always wanted, plus it will add to the value of the house. There is every chance we will need to sell in the next couple of years, given the state of my marriage, but meantime I am going to have something I really want.

I have a few trips to look forward to in the next few weeks - a night out seeing Robbie Williams in concert, a trip to Henley Regatta and then my son's graduation. New clothes are needed for the last two (the same new outfit for both), so I will need to get on with that pretty soon.

So while my life seems full of uncertainty when it comes to hubby and I there are lots of positives. Plus of course, I have my relationship with Sir. That is going really well and there is a lot to look forward to there too.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

24 Hours

That is exactly how much time we had together this week. During that time there was time for sleep (approximately 7 or so), time for food and time to sit and watch a movie. But as well as that we went out for the whole afternoon to get us some countryside and culture and we spent a good deal of time in bed not asleep.

Because of Sir's work and my recent holiday, this was our first get together in around a month. i admit that i didn't realise how much i had missed him until i glimpsed the outline of his bottom as he stood in his kitchen washing up while i drank a welcome coffee. My journey had been long and involved much sitting in traffic. He greeted me with a kiss and some caresses, then coffee and toast.

A few minutes later i was free of my dress, wearing stockings and heels and my underwear. He stroked my clit very briefly, just that short caress requiring me to ask for my first (of many) orgasm. Then i was on my knees. Oh how i have come to love sucking that man's cock. Kneeling before him, my mouth full of his wonderful member, already dripping with cum myself was such a wonderful release from the stresses of both home and the journey.

A few minutes further along and i was knelt on his bed, receiving some painful, but beautiful and arousing swats from the riding crop. What a wonderful instrument that is for teasing, for swatting my bare body and for making me want more of His lovely cock. He didn't disappoint me (he never does). Firstly inside my pussy and then a little later the feel of him filling my arse. He was gentle, i pushed against him and he slid in. He moved slowly at first and then faster and a little more roughly. Then for a new position; him on his back, me sitting riding him, cock deep in my backside. As he stroked my clot, his cock deep inside me, i asked for (and was granted) another orgasm. A few minutes later, with me back on my knees He came and so, we lay together kissing and caressing.

But with just 24 hours together and a reasonable (warm but overcast) day outside, there was little time for sitting around. So after a light lunch, we headed off into the beautiful english countryside which Sir lives so close to and got us some history and culture. We visited an old house and watermill. We wandered the lovely gardens and the wider grounds. Given that it was a week day, and that the weather could have been a little more sunny, and given that the kids are still at school here in the UK, the place was reasonably quiet. Most visitors seemed to be in or around the house, which was a good thing since we found ourselves in a hut of the type found in the iron age. We kissed and he stroked inside my knickers. Then i sat on a bench and took his lovely cock in my mouth again, such a lovely mouth full. Out in the open, Sir spied a picnic table, and since we had no picnic with us we used it for another purpose. i bent over it and Sir slipped his cock back inside of my (or should i say his, since he owns it) arse. So so naughty, but wow just so wonderful in the outdoors like that. Moments later, we walked hand in hand and then drank tea and looked just like your average middle aged couple on an afternoon out.

Back at home, we ate dinner, watched TV and the movie, ate pudding and chatted. Then to bed for some more lovely sex. More orgasms, a perfect end to a perfect day.

In the morning, after breakfast there were kisses, some time to feel each other, some time for me to attend to his cock. To suck him in the way i love so much, to be his cock worshipping sub. Time for him to claim my pussy for one last time this visit and for me to be granted more orgasms.

24 hours doesn't seem like long. i guess it isn't and indeed if offered it i would take longer. But sometimes that is all that is needed. Happy sub, happy Master. Just perfect.

Monday, 17 June 2013

Letter to hubby


On Sunday we have been married for 29 years. That is a lifetime - we have both been married for longer than we were single. We have had some great times, how ever would we have stayed together if we hadn't. Equally we have had some difficult moments, not least the present. This year there will be no cards, no romantic meals - not even the pretence that we are happily married. No we won't even see each other. Tomorrow you will tell me where you are off to for the weekend, personally I will find something useful to do; perhaps be with friends, who knows. Even though our marriage is on it's very last legs, I will not be with Sir (and wouldn't have been even if he hadn't been working).

Today, I saw you for the first time in over 2 weeks. You were too busy to take me to the airport, too busy to join me on holiday, too busy to be here on my return. Yesterday on fathers day, your son was sad you weren't here. Whether his failure to even text you was warranted, is between the two of you, after all, he is an adult now. It has been 7 months since I told you of my infidelity and 5 since the say I confirmed it by going off one Sunday to see my lover, leaving bereft at home. Since then we have not (as far as I can remember) spent one whole weekend together. You were away at Easter and even when I was away on holiday you spent few nights at home. You ask me to be patient with you. Say you don't want to lose me. But even when I have offered to give up Sir you tell me that since it will make me unhappy you do not wish me to.

Both Sir and the friend I was on holiday with say that I now need to take control of this situation, and I know they are right. I am allowing myself to be treated just as badly now as I was before this happened.  I know I have committed the worst sin possible within a marriage, and I have made no secret of this, but you did too. Granted it was many years ago, but the facts remain. You keep information from me - even tonight during the 30 minutes you were here having a shower and changing - refusing to tell me when you will be home, where you are going, where you stay, where your clothes are. You spend money recklessly and ask me for more. 

You say you can't give me what I need. Sexually, this is probably true. But even though I have offered to give this up you prefer to remain the martyr. If I am to be married, I need a husband, I need a loving relationship, I need to be cared for. You provide me with none of the above, yet you take all that you can. 

I am reaching the end. Despite the fact I have most recently broken our wedding vows, I am the one currently feeling most deceived, most cheated upon. I think that after Sunday I will be ready.

I am sorry it has come to this, but I think that we need to face facts. We need to stop pretending and you need to realise that this is about more than sex, even if that sex is of the kinky kind.

I still care for you B, but I no longer love you as a wife should, I no longer respect you. My feeling as I started this letter was anger, but now, it is sorrow.

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

My first blog from France

It's great to be writing this on my balcony overlooking a harbour in France. I'd like to say that I have just come off of the beach after a day of sunbathing, but after a sunny start it clouded over.  It is far from cold though, and although I am wearing a sweatshirt I am not cold in shorts.  The change of scenery, peace and space is what I came here for and that is what I have.

This is a place filled with memories. I have been visiting this area of France for over 10 years. To begin with as a family, hubby, my son and always his cousin who is the same age. At age 10 they loved the safe, sandy beaches, the sandcastle s and holes in the sand that were dug. The castles they visited, the fact that they could have more freedom than at home.  More recently it has been hubby and me. We have strolled, walked purposefully, climbed hills and we have eaten the local delicacies and drank the wine and beer. It is hard to be here on my own, while at the same time since I know it well, it has been easy.

My friend, in whose apartment I am staying had welcomed me as she always does.  She has her own daughter and her family here, yet they have taken me into their lives. So I have had the fun of being with little children, as well as some solitude. I feel at peace here. Happy to just be. 

But this friend takes no nonsense. She has directly questioned me, smelt a huge rat! Within 10 minutes of everyone else taking off for the supermarket for supplies on Saturday, she had more information out of me than I have given to practically anyone else. Then yesterday, another day of less than great weather, she coerced me out to buy new furniture for her holiday properties and got even more. The only thing she doesn't know now is the kink. She only judges that I should never have told hubby the truth, that he would be less hurt by lies. But the truth is out and there is no going back on that. 

I have a friend from home arriving Saturday, so this trip will turn into something different again. I look forward to that. Meanwhile, I am getting some sense of life as a single woman, and you know it is not so bad.

I would like to be here with Sir, that  won't happen this time, maybe in the future there is a chance for new and different memories?