Wednesday 26 February 2014

Parallel thinking

Something funny is going on in my brain, in my subconscious. I keep finding myself thinking and even dreaming things where I convince myself that the changes that need to happen in my life have already happened. This morning I woke from the most amazing sleep thinking that I had told hubby about Graeme and he was fine about it. Then I remembered I hadn't and he wouldn't be if I did.

He has however thought about some of the other things I have told him about including the family night out and admitted that 1) it isn't my fault and 2) if he doesn't show his face around them for 6 months (or more) he can't be expected to be invited to join them. Perhaps also he is beginning to acknowledge that my decisions about our relationship aren't because he has done something specifically but because my feelings for him changed sometime in the last 30 years.

Graeme and I talked about the fact I have the 30 year anniversary thing looming in June and my need to take decisive action pretty soon.

We also talked about my not hiding Graeme away from my son for example, but instead starting to be more open and honest with people.

These are big steps for me. I have told people only parts of the truth for so long that it has become second nature. But if I really want my life to change then it is time to be completely open with people. I have the propensity to try to protect them and of course me from the consequences but actually I am dealing with adults here and they need to be able to deal with reality, as must I.

Sometimes I am scared by how fast my brain is moving things along, but then on days like today when I am feeling good, I realise this is how it needs to be.

Over the next few days I am going to be doing some great things, including the family do tomorrow night and some fun things out and about with Graeme. This morning it is not just that I am imagining good things but they are a reality!

6 comments:

  1. Enjoy the happy days, the good things....and remember, you deserve them.
    hugs abby

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  2. It sounds like you are on the right path to make the necessary changes in your life to feel the happiness you want and deserve. Good luck.

    FD

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  3. You did make the big change that needed to happen. You changed your mindset. Your essential self knows that and that is why your subconscious feels so free. Good for you! Any other changes made from now on flow from that new mindset. Enjoy your new adventure.

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  4. little monkey, thank you. I hadn't really thought about it like that but it certainly makes sense.

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