Over the last few months with S, we had some fantastic times. The kinky sex we had (much of it described here) was fantastic. The submission was in the moment and was really good. But i wasn't truly submitting to anyone. At the time that was fine, right for where i was and where he was.
Now though i feel differently. i kind of feel liberated by the fact he has another and i have made the decision that whatever happens there is no going back to that or to him.
i am thinking about submission a lot. i am considering even what it might be like to give up more control, even perhaps to enter a Master / slave relationship. That's not to say i ever would, but i am giving it some thought and in a considered and serious way.
The playdate on Sunday put me in a good place, and rather than drop, i have kind of stayed there. Not on the high that all of those orgasms gave me. But in a place where my submission has come to the forefront and is just there, kind of so i can touch it.
i plan to write here more. To write about me and how i am feeling. After all this is my journal and it is what i started it for.
Now off to face the day - i started my job permanently yesterday, so another new start - feeling positive about it and in a good place.