Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Last word on this for now

I am not going to turn this blog into some kind of place where I moan about my husband (again). But this morning I am going to say a couple of things about last night.

There are some things about him that really irritate me now:

His inability to get that this is not about him or really anything he has ever done but about me and a decision I have made. I don't want to listen to his self pity.

It has been a year and I have said the same things for pretty much all of that year, yet it was like I had never said them before.

I do like him, I do care about him, despite what he says. I just don't love him as I did / feel I should if I am to remain his wife. What is more, I don't want to be that person any longer. I want to be me.

He wants to live as friends, but friends are there for each other, the relationship can't be one sided; there has to be give and take. I can't be friends with someone who only takes.

I can't live with a man any longer who is essentially submissive unless he is manipulating me, at which point there is a battle to see who submits first. When it becomes about who has more power than who. We all have our weaknesses, we all need help, care and consideration. But in the end everyone has to help themselves.

I am not his mother or his sister. I already have a son and siblings. I can't be that person to him any longer.

.............................................

So, if I thought he would pack his stuff, wave a cheery goodbye and leave, I was mistaken. Of course I didn't even dream that would happen and of course it didn't.

What I got was pacing, crying and self pity. What I also got was excuses about his own behaviour and  choices. He is a 55 year old man but his actions were more that of a teenager who can't get his own way.

I stayed calm and reasoned - scarily so. Calm but compassionate (I think).

But not once did I back down and so I know in my heart (even if my instinct is try to make everything alright again) that this is the right thing. For me now and in the long run for us both.

I am a step forward, but god knows this feels like a very very long path.

Tomorrow I am going to concentrate once again on something pleasant, sexy, kinky and all together more pleasant. New Dom is giving me great support in this and I want to concentrate on some of the other things he has been giving me!

8 comments:

  1. I can't get over the similarities in our lives, our husbands and our needs.
    We'll done for being calm in difficult circumstances

    L xxx

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  2. Your strength has left me in awe. Seriously, you, little, and i have way too many similarities with our situations. You have me in awe. I'm so proud of you. Hugs.

    How is your son?

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  3. I guess there are lots of us out there, living this life. Women who in the past would have just put up with our lot. Now of course we know that there is more to life, and we understand what we want and need. It helps so much to have you both out there..... thank you xxx

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  4. My sun is fine my slut, I am going to talk to him at the weekend. xx

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  5. Step 1 taken....this journey has many more to go. But congrats on step one.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks abby, that is definitely how it feels. Jx

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  6. It seems you are moving forward in your chosen direction. Document the steps along the way as much as you need to or want to here.

    All the best
    Sue

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  7. Thank you Sue, I am sure that I will, I guess it just felt that I am in danger of repeating myself. J x

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