I am going to write this while the thoughts are fresh in my mind. Before I talk myself out of it. I am writing it here, because once it is here I won't be able to pretend it isn't what I decided and and what I should do.
At 4.30am this morning hubby walked into the bedroom to collect his clothes for work. Last week, I left them downstairs, but he still came up into the bedroom and lay on the bed for an hour before leaving. This is a man who had spent the weekend away from home, leaving on Friday and returning as this week early Monday morning. During that time there was no contact between us.
Back to this morning, he got dressed. Lay on the bed and since I was awake I spoke; just hello. In the next couple of minutes we exchanged a few words - not many from me as I was not properly awake. Then he dropped his bombshell. He uttered the words - I will be home this Saturday night. Now, I don't know if this means all weekend, just Saturday night or what. But he hasn't been here on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday night for months and he is usually out Mondays as well.
Something inside me clicked at that very moment. I said nothing but my mind was in over drive.
Not withstanding anything I might want to be doing next Saturday. Indeed even if I am having a quiet night on my own. I do not want this. I do not want to be with this man, spending time with him that I didn't chose to spend.
This is the week that I must gather my strength and be honest and open. I must be clear that I want us to separate.
There I have said it.