Saturday, 22 February 2014

Sore feet

We must have walked miles. Well who knows if we really did, but around the streets of the City of London it seemed quite a long way. My boots which, suited my skirt and were comfortable in the morning were much less so by the time we sat down to eat. He took me around some of the wonderful and very beautiful buildings that I had never visited before, we walked and we talked. He took me to two very historical pubs and we stood (standing room only on a Friday evening), talked and he groped me.

The slut in me loves to be groped in a public place. It really excites me, perhaps it shouldn't? But having someone to stand (or sit) with and to share intimate moments is just so nice.

I think I have too much to say, sometimes I think I speak for the sake of it. He is getting good at shutting me up and kissing me when that happens. At other times though I am content to just look at him and smile. 

He wanted time for us away from bed, from play. We had that last night. Doing things together feels easy and fun. It feels intimate and helps with the connection for later.

On the way home I communicated with S. He wanted to talk to me and I thought there was something wrong. At home, even though it was late, I skyped with S, who just wanted to know how it was going and to check out that things were as good as I had written here. They are and I told him so. Of course he could see it written in my face.

Immediately I came off of the Skype call, I felt I had somehow let Graeme down. I felt I had spoiled our intimacy by linking up with S like that. He told me he wasn't upset, but I was. Upset with myself because actually that was what I was feeling.

For a woman of my age, it feels I have so much to learn about relationships and how to manage them. My tendency to want to please everyone leads me to find the one person who is not as happy as they could be, to be me. 

I haven't slept as well as I thought I would, and have been awake early. Partly this is my sore feet which I will soon soak with the rest of me in the bath. But also the feeling that I spoiled the intimacy with Graeme last night and caused my mind to be far more active than it needed to be. 

The good thing is though that I will be with Graeme again later and have the chance to make it up to him, even if he feels I have done nothing wrong. The chance also to make it up to myself.


Ok, so no one was upset with anyone and so this is all about me over analysing. Just got to work out how NOT to do that!!


  1. One thing I've learned, and it took awhile. If my Dom is not upset with me, I've got to let it go. You went to Graeme,, you told Him, He responded, and now all is done. He makes the decision if He needs to correct you, punish you, etc.

    This is part of learning to give up control. Is hard. I still struggle. I'm learning though, if Sir is okay then it's done, no more thinking or fretting over it. It stresses Him because it means I now have control and He does not.

    Sounds like a lovely day. I enjoy vanilla moments so much. Hope your feet feel better.

  2. I agree with told Him, He was not upset therefore you should not be...and it sounds like you came to that conclusion also. Those vanilla moments they are so important to the growth of a relationship.
    hugs abby

  3. You are both so right. I think this had as much to do with not sleeping well as anything. Getting to know each other, and exploring new things while you do it is great fun. Plus I enjoy just being with Him and I know that is mutual.

  4. HI Joolz, Ha! overthinking, I have been very guilty of that. Not so much now. Though I still overthink the 'love' word. In actual fact I can't handle it (the 'love' word). If I was single, maybe a different story. Anyway I digress.

    Stop over thinking and over analysing. You didn't play or submit to S. If S' motive was to control and you responded then bad bad kitten. If his agenda was as he said, checking in on someone he shared a lot with then he did and you responded appropriately. Am I the only only who plays devil's advocate? Could his motive have been a bit of a mix of both. hmmmm? These Dom men do seem to have very fine and strong ego's. :)

    talk soon Joolz

    L xx

    1. I was wondering if that was the true intent on S contacting Joolz, though didn't want to leave Joolz analyzing even more.

  5. Thanks L and His slut, interestingly Graeme and I have been having a discussion about this and about how I handle this kind of thing in the future. There is something I am going to do, while not a rule which hopefully will prevent me reacting in this way again and then getting anxious. I will be putting something on my journey page later as I think that is where it belongs. xx