Monday, 7 April 2014

This blog

On 21st of April it will be the 2nd anniversary of my first post. i started this blog to document a personal journey and for the first few months that was exactly what it was. i wrote what i was experiencing and pretty much no one read it. But then gradually, as i explored the submissive blogosphere and left comments, so people came here and did the same. Then after a few months i told S about this place (though he found it around the same time accidentally) and so he also read my posts. Generally speaking he found the whole thing a turn on, not surprising as i wrote more about sex than about my true feelings.

Of course i have documented the way in which my marriage has deteriorated over time. i have spoken of the pain of having to tell your husband you are unfaithful and the difficulties in helping him come to terms with both that and that the things you do with others are not something you want to share with him. As much as possible, i have tried to be honest about who i think i am and my journey to get there.

Last summer i exposed my raw pain and then my joy at finding a new kind of relationship with S. True that after last summer, i was much much more careful about what i wrote and perhaps during that time i was playing a little to the crowd (as it were)

Now though, things are different.

i told Graeme about this place within a few days of us meeting and since then He has read not only what i had previously written but everything since. He has begun to use it as a way of gauging how i am feeling about different emotions and He and i discuss what i write.

When i write now, i definitely write for me. i write about me, about my hopes, fears and definitely my feelings. i also write knowing he will read it.

Even so, i often write in the moment. When feeling particularly submissive or even in subspace. While i edit punctuation i never actually significantly change anything i write. As with me as a person, what you see is what you get.

This is a different blog post than the one i intended to write. But after my conversation with Sir this evening it seems appropriate and hey it just came to me!


Yesterday while this girl was at Sir's house, hubby returned home here. This girl is pleased to say that she feels she handled the situation well and while she has experienced some of his usual self centred texts today she has in the main stayed firm (with help from Sir of course).

A version (not as good as this one) of this song was playing on the radio as this girl drove home from the supermarket. It made this girl think about her weekend with Sir and some of the times they spend together. Perhaps a message in a blog post?


  1. I prefer that you consider this to be your space - a place for things you are thinking but might not want to tell me. Negative, positive, neutral, whatever you are thinking, this is your space

  2. Web journals are remarkable things. I've come to appreciate the idea of journals for all sorts of projects as a way of giving a project focus and moving it on. A web journal is different in that we can't write some random remark and post that but rather we have to make it coherent; understood to others; a beginning, middle and end. It's one of the disadvantages of web journals, I think. I've written in my web journal knowing that the important people in my life read there and now I write there reasonably sure that no-one who knows me very well reads there. I tend to find that liberating, more like a personal diary, but I certainly can appreciate the value of your man reading there. What I tend to do now is to try to have no awareness of my readers at all. I try very hard to write as if it were just for me, and in this way I try not to type anything that is not authentic. Having an audience though, knowing that it can be read near or far, does prohibit me from saying many things, but that's just my internal moderator at work. I still delight in expressing myself in this anonymous way.

  3. Thanks Vesta, i am sure that is what i am trying to do, but at times it is easy to get carried away and to play to a perceived audience. I don't mind Him reading what i write but i do focus on writing for me.

  4. happy 2nd bloggy versary lol

    I find blogging is a great way to put thoughts down, and sometimes its easier to write things down, to sort things out in ones head.

    I love the interaction with other bloggers, but i think its more important to write for oneself, not worrying about stats, if i ever got to the point i felt i was writing for what the audience wanted..i would stop.


    1. I agree tori. Now i am back in the swing of blogging for the right reasons it feels the best place to write what i am thinking and feeling. I also like the interaction and know that i have a tendency to play to an audience given the chance and so often think through what I am doing before i click on 'post'.