i am sure that many of my fellow bloggers have such busy and varied lives that they have no need to bother with their blog stats. i on the other hand am interested to see what activity there is. This is despite my assertion that i writing this purely for myself. This doesn't mean i am lying, since the blog is mainly there for me to record what is happening to me so i can look back and monitor what has happened, when and where.
But i would definitely be telling porkies if i said i didn't look at my stats at least once a day if online. I am not the least bit worried about how many people pop by; i just like to know. To begin with i was intrigued that most visitors seemed to come from odd websites about home insurance or employment (maybe someone can tell me how this happens).
For the first time today though i have noticed some interesting search terms used to visit my blog. For example: kneeling for anal sex (in my experience, not only should you kneel, but perhaps bend over on all fours), suspender belt, stockings and skirt (yes i wore those today), butt plug skirt (not sure if this is linked to the previous one, but the two things could be worn at the same time, though not compulsory), sex and submission (yes this is the place for that as i do both).
So while i don't write the most popular, busiest blog on the planet, which is fine as i am mainly here for myself and for Sir, i do appear to be providing a service. This can only be a good thing!
Friday, 31 August 2012
30 Days of submission - Day 4
So we reach day 4, and the chance to explore whether or not i have any dominant tendencies of if i might want to switch. I am going to split the question so it is easier to answer:
Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?
In terms of my relationship with Sir i am happy as things are, i have no desire to switch to any kind of dominance. Sir has no desire to be my submissive and i don't need any other submissive. At work, i am as i am and that is relatively dominant as befits the job i do. I have no young children to exert my authority on and things are calm.
If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over?
I am not in that kind of relationship with anyone, though as i have said a number of times i do rather more for hubby than is good for me or for him. But we are where we are. I have control of the finances since he hasn't bothered himself with internet banking. This does mean however i can buy a corset or sex toy and he is none the wiser if he doesn't see the post arrive.
Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
No. I came into this knowing who and what i was and wanted to be. That hasn't changed; can't see why it would. I like giving up control. I like placing my trust in Sir and long may it continue.
Message to Sir
This is not altogether slutty, but just to say i am 6lb closer to the corset....
Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?
In terms of my relationship with Sir i am happy as things are, i have no desire to switch to any kind of dominance. Sir has no desire to be my submissive and i don't need any other submissive. At work, i am as i am and that is relatively dominant as befits the job i do. I have no young children to exert my authority on and things are calm.
If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over?
I am not in that kind of relationship with anyone, though as i have said a number of times i do rather more for hubby than is good for me or for him. But we are where we are. I have control of the finances since he hasn't bothered himself with internet banking. This does mean however i can buy a corset or sex toy and he is none the wiser if he doesn't see the post arrive.
Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
No. I came into this knowing who and what i was and wanted to be. That hasn't changed; can't see why it would. I like giving up control. I like placing my trust in Sir and long may it continue.
Message to Sir
This is not altogether slutty, but just to say i am 6lb closer to the corset....
Thursday, 30 August 2012
30 Days of submission - Day 3
6 months ago i had hardly considered whether i was submissive or not So for me this is an interesting question and one i have given quite a bit of thought to.
How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
The quick answer is that as soon as i started to research the whole are of Dominance and submission, i just knew that i was. The longer answer would be that once i started to research by reading articles, blogs and books, i found that i identified with submission so much that i was drawn towards it. When i met Sir and we started to do some of the things we had discussed online and on the phone, it felt like i was finding myself and could become the person i have been seeking to be through it. There is the sexual side to submission; giving myself to Sir's cock - particularly during anal sex or if i am kneeling to take him in my mouth - that feel submissive to me. i am turned on by the thoughts and the actions, but aroused more by the submissive nature of those acts. The same is true when i am restrained or if sir puts nipple clamps on me. On one hand the act itself is arousing, but the fact that it confirms my submission makes it feel more so. But submission is not just about sex and when we are together i find that i want to submit in other ways. i want to be told to do things and i want to be told what to wear. i don't live the lifestyle all of the time, so these things still have a sexual element to them, but i have the feeling that they are also integral to me, in that moment, and at that time.
So i have decided i am submissive but how really did i know? How, despite the fact that i can be a dominant character in other ways, did i know that i am not a dominant or even a switch. Perhaps it is because i have always felt that when i take a dominant role at work or even at home, that i am acting, i am taking on a role. Even though some of the submissive acts i take part in are role play, i don't feel that part of it is acting. The submission then feels in built.
Why did it take so long to come out? Well i think the potential was there before, but i didn't act upon it. To begin with i didn't know, then there were other things going on and finally i tried not to consider it. i did however read up about various aspects of BDSM, i was curious but i wasn't sure that i could consider any aspect of it.
In my marriage there have been opportunities for hubby to become dominant, i suspect at one time we might have developed TTWD as a couple. He liked to spank me from time to time, and often would hold me down during sex. But we never pursued it. Things happened in our relationship that damaged the way i viewed him and the way in which we pursued our sex life. Now our relationship feels pretty platonic. i don't feel submissive with him as i do with Sir, so maybe you have to be with the right person for that aspect of your personality to emerge.
How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
The quick answer is that as soon as i started to research the whole are of Dominance and submission, i just knew that i was. The longer answer would be that once i started to research by reading articles, blogs and books, i found that i identified with submission so much that i was drawn towards it. When i met Sir and we started to do some of the things we had discussed online and on the phone, it felt like i was finding myself and could become the person i have been seeking to be through it. There is the sexual side to submission; giving myself to Sir's cock - particularly during anal sex or if i am kneeling to take him in my mouth - that feel submissive to me. i am turned on by the thoughts and the actions, but aroused more by the submissive nature of those acts. The same is true when i am restrained or if sir puts nipple clamps on me. On one hand the act itself is arousing, but the fact that it confirms my submission makes it feel more so. But submission is not just about sex and when we are together i find that i want to submit in other ways. i want to be told to do things and i want to be told what to wear. i don't live the lifestyle all of the time, so these things still have a sexual element to them, but i have the feeling that they are also integral to me, in that moment, and at that time.
So i have decided i am submissive but how really did i know? How, despite the fact that i can be a dominant character in other ways, did i know that i am not a dominant or even a switch. Perhaps it is because i have always felt that when i take a dominant role at work or even at home, that i am acting, i am taking on a role. Even though some of the submissive acts i take part in are role play, i don't feel that part of it is acting. The submission then feels in built.
Why did it take so long to come out? Well i think the potential was there before, but i didn't act upon it. To begin with i didn't know, then there were other things going on and finally i tried not to consider it. i did however read up about various aspects of BDSM, i was curious but i wasn't sure that i could consider any aspect of it.
In my marriage there have been opportunities for hubby to become dominant, i suspect at one time we might have developed TTWD as a couple. He liked to spank me from time to time, and often would hold me down during sex. But we never pursued it. Things happened in our relationship that damaged the way i viewed him and the way in which we pursued our sex life. Now our relationship feels pretty platonic. i don't feel submissive with him as i do with Sir, so maybe you have to be with the right person for that aspect of your personality to emerge.
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 2
i had written day one yesterday before i realised i had said too much about my submission for the question and that i was actually answering day 2's question as well. Also i have written quite a lot about this specific question recently. Lets see then if i can come up with something different from before. So here goes:
Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively
submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only
in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life?
Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a
relationship?
My marriage is not about dominance and submission, however i probably submit to a certain amount of domestic discipline since i pretty much do everything and hubby does nothing. He doesn't always ask for things but tells and for a reason best known to myself (or until recently not known) i just do it. For years i fought against what i saw as laziness and i ranted and i raved. i have been married for a very long time, and have only ever lived with him and i don't generally do that any more. i accept this is how things are and just do it. i am not sure if this is submission at all, but i suspect it demonstrates i had submissive tendencies all along.
With Sir, as i have said here, and before, i am naturally submissive. Much of the time we are together, as there is not nearly enough of it, is one one long scene with interludes for food, a walk or to sleep. We slip in and out of the Dom/sub roles during that time, but it is never far away. The beauty of this is that there is the anticipation that something could be about to happen. We could be eating some lunch, chatting about our children or about something inane and then he will say: i think you should get changed into this outfit, go and get changed. And i do. Increasingly i love to submit to him, i love to kneel before him when i arrive to see him, to feel the collar around my neck, to feel his hands reclaiming what is his. i love the things he says to me to claim me: you are mine slut, ready for me to do with as i wish.
I never would have imagined that i would want to do this given that i have felt like something of a door mat for years. But this is definitely very different. Sir hates me to wait on him in say the kitchen, he doesn't want me making him tea (though no doubt at some time i will), and he doesn't want me cleaning up after him (yipee). But he does want me to remember that when we are together i am there to submit to him when he wants, where he wants and how he wants. This can be thrilling, painful or humiliating (or all three) often too it is extremely erotic and i am learning to love it.
My marriage is not about dominance and submission, however i probably submit to a certain amount of domestic discipline since i pretty much do everything and hubby does nothing. He doesn't always ask for things but tells and for a reason best known to myself (or until recently not known) i just do it. For years i fought against what i saw as laziness and i ranted and i raved. i have been married for a very long time, and have only ever lived with him and i don't generally do that any more. i accept this is how things are and just do it. i am not sure if this is submission at all, but i suspect it demonstrates i had submissive tendencies all along.
With Sir, as i have said here, and before, i am naturally submissive. Much of the time we are together, as there is not nearly enough of it, is one one long scene with interludes for food, a walk or to sleep. We slip in and out of the Dom/sub roles during that time, but it is never far away. The beauty of this is that there is the anticipation that something could be about to happen. We could be eating some lunch, chatting about our children or about something inane and then he will say: i think you should get changed into this outfit, go and get changed. And i do. Increasingly i love to submit to him, i love to kneel before him when i arrive to see him, to feel the collar around my neck, to feel his hands reclaiming what is his. i love the things he says to me to claim me: you are mine slut, ready for me to do with as i wish.
I never would have imagined that i would want to do this given that i have felt like something of a door mat for years. But this is definitely very different. Sir hates me to wait on him in say the kitchen, he doesn't want me making him tea (though no doubt at some time i will), and he doesn't want me cleaning up after him (yipee). But he does want me to remember that when we are together i am there to submit to him when he wants, where he wants and how he wants. This can be thrilling, painful or humiliating (or all three) often too it is extremely erotic and i am learning to love it.
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
30 Days of Submission - Day 1
Many other bloggers have posted their 30 days of submission and it feels to me that the time is right for me to start mine. If i can keep this going most days i should be able to finish by the time i go off on holiday on September 24th; we shall see.
So day 1:
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
I started my relationship with Sir knowing that he was a Dominant and that he wanted me to be his submissive. This essentially takes place within the confines of the bedroom (or whatever room or venue we happen to be in), but also spreads into online scenes, phone calls. This feels like a kind of planned submission. We are not quite playing a game, but we are part of an agreed arrangement within the context of which we are submissive and Dominant.
Having said that, my submission and his dominance spreads beyond that. We can be discussing a topic, having a pretty usual, vanilla type of conversation when suddenly he will get all Dom on me and call me slut or whore and i am putty in his hands and immediate submissive. At the same time i might sit on the stool in his kitchen (for example), and spread my legs (no knickers) in the way he likes and he might turn round, see me and again he is my Dom and i am his sub.
i would say that the longer that time goes on, and the more time we spend together (in real life, online, on the phone) then the move our relationship develops into one where i am more submissive and he is more Dominant. This is partly because we are trying out new things, he is teaching me more about my kinky, submissive side and the trust we have in each other grows.
So day 1:
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
I started my relationship with Sir knowing that he was a Dominant and that he wanted me to be his submissive. This essentially takes place within the confines of the bedroom (or whatever room or venue we happen to be in), but also spreads into online scenes, phone calls. This feels like a kind of planned submission. We are not quite playing a game, but we are part of an agreed arrangement within the context of which we are submissive and Dominant.
Having said that, my submission and his dominance spreads beyond that. We can be discussing a topic, having a pretty usual, vanilla type of conversation when suddenly he will get all Dom on me and call me slut or whore and i am putty in his hands and immediate submissive. At the same time i might sit on the stool in his kitchen (for example), and spread my legs (no knickers) in the way he likes and he might turn round, see me and again he is my Dom and i am his sub.
i would say that the longer that time goes on, and the more time we spend together (in real life, online, on the phone) then the move our relationship develops into one where i am more submissive and he is more Dominant. This is partly because we are trying out new things, he is teaching me more about my kinky, submissive side and the trust we have in each other grows.
Monday, 27 August 2012
Diet and fitness update
i promised myself that i would update my progress in improving my fitness and losing some weight. Another week has passed and as always that second week is a bit more difficult.
The week started with my meeting with Sir and while i easily avoided midweek alcohol, i did eat some quite naughty food during out in room picnic. Then on Tuesday when i felt very tired from lack of sleep, i felt the need for a cappuccino (skinny of course) and then skipped off of zumba. Consequently it was Thursday before i did any exercise (other than i got with Sir on Monday night and early Tuesday morning). I have definitely made up for it with half hour sessions with Mel B on Thursday and Friday (had to get up extra early to fit it in) and the same with extra abs and thigh exercises Saturday and Sunday. Sum total weight wise though is that i have stayed the same. In my long and chequered dieting experience i have decided that is not too bad and best to move on rather than get depressed about it.
So to this week:
The week started with my meeting with Sir and while i easily avoided midweek alcohol, i did eat some quite naughty food during out in room picnic. Then on Tuesday when i felt very tired from lack of sleep, i felt the need for a cappuccino (skinny of course) and then skipped off of zumba. Consequently it was Thursday before i did any exercise (other than i got with Sir on Monday night and early Tuesday morning). I have definitely made up for it with half hour sessions with Mel B on Thursday and Friday (had to get up extra early to fit it in) and the same with extra abs and thigh exercises Saturday and Sunday. Sum total weight wise though is that i have stayed the same. In my long and chequered dieting experience i have decided that is not too bad and best to move on rather than get depressed about it.
So to this week:
- i will continue the 'no alcohol till Friday' but then on Friday i am going to keep the gin and tonics down to 2 rather than the 3 i had on Friday, 4 on Saturday and 4 on Sunday - this rather defeats the object. Instead i shall have some sparkling water with the ice and lemon. After all it goes down just as well.
- I will try for 4 days of exercise again, and might even manage 5 if i get off of my backside in a moment and get on with it!
- I will take my lunch to work (slacked last week and had to keep going out at lunchtime).
- I will keep my portion size down, particularly when it comes to carbs and not eat anyone's left overs.
- Only eat bread once a week (seem to be managing this, though it makes me crave lovely crusty bread)
Saturday, 25 August 2012
Submissive personality?
i thought i would give the blog hop challenge over on Submissive guide a go this month. Never one to do things in advance, i am writing this today and the closing date is today. mind you, with the time difference, i still have 10 hours to go.
So the question is - Are you a quiet obedient submissive or is there an element of playful brattiness in your dynamic? How would you describe your submissive personality? How does your owner encourage or enhance who you are?
Master tells me that i am very submissive at times. i wear what he wants me to wear and generally do as he wants me to do even if what i am being asked to do is uncomfortable. i do these things because i want to and because i trust him and his judgement. Over the last 5 months (give or take a week or so) i have learned to submit more and more to his will. From the first time that i touched myself in a public place and told him that i was a slut, i have been thrilled at the idea of being owned in this way. i have dressed as a maid and taken photos of myself. i have dressed in a short skirt that just about covered my bare backside on more than on occasion, i have submitted to being tied to his bed and spanked. i have worn a butt plug to a meeting at work and to walk around a supermarket at lunch time. All of these things (and others) have been done with a minimum of argument.
However i am no walkover. i am not completely submissive in all of my life all of the time. Ok so i am not in a 24/7 relationship with Sir, but even so i do tell him when i think things are unreasonable, too painful or if i thing something just isn't possible. i meet him on my terms and we discuss things outside of the scenes we play as equals. I also have my home life, work, running the household etc. Sir would probably say i am much too submissive to hubby, as i do too many things he should do himself (laziness is his problem), but i do so for a quiet life. I spent too much of my marriage fighting and don't wish to do it anymore.
i love to be submissive, i know i am submissive by nature, but that doesn't mean that i don't have my own will or that i don't use it. What is great though is that Master continues to push me, to explore the things that i think i don't want to do and actually find i not only can but want to. i guess that is all part of the journey to find out who i am. What is more it is something i love!
Reflections
Updating 'my journey' page this morning and thinking about how far i have come since April. i was wondering if the changes in me are hidden from those close to me, or if they can see that i am different.
i suspect i am not overtly different. i continue to do my job, to apply my high standards to the work i do there. i chat to my colleagues at work, discuss all of the same things that were discussed before, but i don't think they would guess there is something new going on in my life. Unless of course they can see that i am happier, more fulfilled.
My family notices nothing i am pretty sure. i am still the wife, cooking and cleaning, doing the housework, shopping, keeping things clean and reasonably tidy. If hubby thinks there is anything strange in some of my later nights out or away he has said nothing. He hasn't altered his behaviours, hasn't become more helpful at home, hasn't sought out my body. If he notices that my pussy is being kept pretty much shaved the whole times he hasn't said so, even though he used to suggest such a thing in the past.
i realised today that i have changed in my choice of the clothes i wear each day. Even when i am not going to be seeing Sir (and that is most days) i want to wear clothes that i think he would like. Even for summer i have worn skirts and dresses more than usual (particularly as it hasn't been the best of summers weather wise). i always avoided stockings, particularly those requiring suspender belts, but now i find that my underwear draw contains a whole range of them. i find myself in different shops, looking at the underwear and imagining Sir's hands on me as i wear them.
Then there is the issue of the pierced nipples. i really want to get this done and know where i will go for the piercing. i am just nervous of the conversation with hubby and am almost minded just to wait until winter and get it done without telling him. Then to wait and see how long before he notices. I have breast screening coming up soon ( oh the joys of being this lovely age) and after that i will give it some serious thought.
So even if those around me think i am the same person i was in April, the experiences i have had, the amount of time i have spent considering my new role with Sir, means that i believe i have changed. Those changes may be mainly internal, but one thing is for sure i feel a whole lot better about myself and i have someone who appreciates those changes. For that i am grateful.
i suspect i am not overtly different. i continue to do my job, to apply my high standards to the work i do there. i chat to my colleagues at work, discuss all of the same things that were discussed before, but i don't think they would guess there is something new going on in my life. Unless of course they can see that i am happier, more fulfilled.
My family notices nothing i am pretty sure. i am still the wife, cooking and cleaning, doing the housework, shopping, keeping things clean and reasonably tidy. If hubby thinks there is anything strange in some of my later nights out or away he has said nothing. He hasn't altered his behaviours, hasn't become more helpful at home, hasn't sought out my body. If he notices that my pussy is being kept pretty much shaved the whole times he hasn't said so, even though he used to suggest such a thing in the past.
i realised today that i have changed in my choice of the clothes i wear each day. Even when i am not going to be seeing Sir (and that is most days) i want to wear clothes that i think he would like. Even for summer i have worn skirts and dresses more than usual (particularly as it hasn't been the best of summers weather wise). i always avoided stockings, particularly those requiring suspender belts, but now i find that my underwear draw contains a whole range of them. i find myself in different shops, looking at the underwear and imagining Sir's hands on me as i wear them.
Then there is the issue of the pierced nipples. i really want to get this done and know where i will go for the piercing. i am just nervous of the conversation with hubby and am almost minded just to wait until winter and get it done without telling him. Then to wait and see how long before he notices. I have breast screening coming up soon ( oh the joys of being this lovely age) and after that i will give it some serious thought.
So even if those around me think i am the same person i was in April, the experiences i have had, the amount of time i have spent considering my new role with Sir, means that i believe i have changed. Those changes may be mainly internal, but one thing is for sure i feel a whole lot better about myself and i have someone who appreciates those changes. For that i am grateful.
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Humiliation part two - the shopping trip
In part one of this adventure which can be found here i described how the slut in this story picked up a stranger from an airport coffee shop. The story continues below.
The guest house was the kind of place where people stay the night before their holiday particularly if they need to leave early in the morning for their flight and want to leave their car without paying airport car park charges. This couple were not the usual clientele, but were welcomed warmly none the less.
A couple of hours after check in, they emerged from the small shower cubicle together. Much had happened already. She had been collared and cuffed and made to kneel before him and take his big and very hard cock deep in her throat. She had welcomed his cock into her pussy, while she lay helpless, hands cuffed behind her back. Then he had taken her arse, something he knew she was particularly partial to. He was right! She had already lost count of how many times he had made her cum, but her pussy throbbed at the memory.
By the time they left the sanctity of their room to go in search of an indoor picnic at a local supermarket, she was wearing nipple clamps, her short dress and fuck me heels (higher than the ones she had picked him up in). Nothing else. She walked purposefully beside him. It was only a 10 minute walk away, and it is not unusual to see a woman wearing a short dress and heels on a hot summers evening. She was conscious the whole time though that she wore no underwear and that her nipples were clamped.
This man loves a bit of shopping it seams. He likes to wander back and forward while deciding what to eat and he loves a bargain. She pushed the trolley, found a couple of reduced items which were greeted well and otherwise walked backwards and forwards either in front or behind him. Her nipples grew more and more painful but she found it a useful reminder of what had already happened, what would happen later and of course what she was.
At the back of the shop, she bent down to examine some wine (even though she was planning to stick to her no alcohol on a weeknight plan) and he took the opportunity to take a good look under her dress; to view her bare backside, her shaved pussy. To touch her.
Exciting the shop with their goodies they made their way though an alleyway towards the street where the guest house was situated. This was an excellent opportunity for Him to tell her to bend over and expose herself. Of course she did as she was told.
The walk back was painful. Her feet hurt; these shoes were not for walking. Plus she had insolently refused stockings for this trip as the ones he wanted her to wear would have looked ridiculous with the dress. Punishment is still to be given for this! In truth the stockings would have prevented the blister that formed on one of her feet. More painful still was that which emanated from her nipples. At the same time though she realised that this was a pain that also made her increasingly wet. A couple of times He tested this out by pinching her nipples and then touching her under her dress.
Once in the room he took full advantage of the feelings of humiliation, of arousal and of pain to complete his mission to make her submit to the needs of his once again hard and shiny cock. What is more she loved it.
The guest house was the kind of place where people stay the night before their holiday particularly if they need to leave early in the morning for their flight and want to leave their car without paying airport car park charges. This couple were not the usual clientele, but were welcomed warmly none the less.
A couple of hours after check in, they emerged from the small shower cubicle together. Much had happened already. She had been collared and cuffed and made to kneel before him and take his big and very hard cock deep in her throat. She had welcomed his cock into her pussy, while she lay helpless, hands cuffed behind her back. Then he had taken her arse, something he knew she was particularly partial to. He was right! She had already lost count of how many times he had made her cum, but her pussy throbbed at the memory.
By the time they left the sanctity of their room to go in search of an indoor picnic at a local supermarket, she was wearing nipple clamps, her short dress and fuck me heels (higher than the ones she had picked him up in). Nothing else. She walked purposefully beside him. It was only a 10 minute walk away, and it is not unusual to see a woman wearing a short dress and heels on a hot summers evening. She was conscious the whole time though that she wore no underwear and that her nipples were clamped.
This man loves a bit of shopping it seams. He likes to wander back and forward while deciding what to eat and he loves a bargain. She pushed the trolley, found a couple of reduced items which were greeted well and otherwise walked backwards and forwards either in front or behind him. Her nipples grew more and more painful but she found it a useful reminder of what had already happened, what would happen later and of course what she was.
At the back of the shop, she bent down to examine some wine (even though she was planning to stick to her no alcohol on a weeknight plan) and he took the opportunity to take a good look under her dress; to view her bare backside, her shaved pussy. To touch her.
Exciting the shop with their goodies they made their way though an alleyway towards the street where the guest house was situated. This was an excellent opportunity for Him to tell her to bend over and expose herself. Of course she did as she was told.
The walk back was painful. Her feet hurt; these shoes were not for walking. Plus she had insolently refused stockings for this trip as the ones he wanted her to wear would have looked ridiculous with the dress. Punishment is still to be given for this! In truth the stockings would have prevented the blister that formed on one of her feet. More painful still was that which emanated from her nipples. At the same time though she realised that this was a pain that also made her increasingly wet. A couple of times He tested this out by pinching her nipples and then touching her under her dress.
Once in the room he took full advantage of the feelings of humiliation, of arousal and of pain to complete his mission to make her submit to the needs of his once again hard and shiny cock. What is more she loved it.
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
Humiliation part one - the pick up
The journey was a hot one, a sunny day, the weather very warm. Her car, almost 8 years old was without air conditioning. It wasn't just the heat of the day though, the anticipation of what was to come added to the wetness which surrounded her lower body. The traffic was heavy, the road notorious for hold ups. The constant stopping and starting just added to the feelings of anticipation, after all, she was pretty eager to arrive.
The airport car park was busy, but finally she found a space on the 4th floor. Gathering her bag, and changing from flat sandals to heels she walked towards the lifts and the terminal building.
First stop was the ladies toilets. She needed to change from her sticky work clothes into something less heavy. Something short, something suitable for the occasion. Locking the cubicle door behind her she hung her bag from the hook on the wall and stripped off her skirt, top and bra (she was wearing no panties). She let all but the bra fall to the floor. Putting the bra inside the bag, she took out some stockings and a suspender belt bag and perched on the toilet. The stockings were smooth to the touch as she put them on. Running her hands up her legs, she shuddered slightly thinking about what was to come. Standing up in just stockings and shoes she set about attaching the suspender belt to the tops of the stockings. Lastly she took the little blue dress, and pulled it over her head, pulling it down to just below the tops of her stockings. She gathered up the work clothes and put them into her bag before emerging from the cubicle she headed towards the washbasins to apply her make up.
The airport had two terminals and she knew she was in the wrong one. She headed towards the monorail that connects them. She was excited, thrilled by what was about to happen, but at the same time nervous. Her dress was short, only just covering her bare newly shaved pussy, the air conditioning within the building made her feel cool for the first time in hours even though heat permeated from that area of her body.
The people around her were mainly casually dressed. Travel clothes, loose, cool. Some wore trousers, others shorts. No one appeared to be wearing heels, stockings. She wondered if anyone would look at her and notice. But actually no one appeared to.
Within minutes she emerged from the train, along with a throng of holiday makers with their heavy suitcases and strolled along the moving walkway towards her destiny. She reached a junction and rather than walk towards the check in desks as the people with suitcases did she took the route towards the arrivals hall.
This area was quieter than the monorail or the departure area and contained a number of coffee shops and other retail outlook. Ahead was a set of stairs, she climbed them slowly, but purposefully, mindful that a workman in a fluorescent jacket was standing within view and that there was a good chance he might be able to see up her short dress.
The coffee shop seating area was empty except for one man who was seated at the back by the wall. He glanced up over his reading glasses as she walked towards the counter and their eyes met. He was a smart looking traveller; wearing a light brown linen suit and a patterned silk shirt. This looked like an opportunity.
She bought a bottle of sparkling water from the counter, then taking the bottle and a glass walked to an adjacent seating area and sat down on the padded black seat. Having poured the water, she took a sip and looked across. He was looking at her. She looked down at her legs and pulled her dress up slightly so he could see her stocking tops and opened her legs a little, leaving him with no doubt what kind of a girl she was and what he could expect from her.
The minutes passed, she observed a group of airport police, complete with guns and a dog. Thinking she had better be less obvious. She swapped chairs thinking that this would give him a better view, without any chance of the police noticing but then found that the chairs in front of her prevented this. She also noticed that she was in full view of what seemed to be a staff room; she moved back. She didn't want to expose herself to them while hiding herself from her target.
She finished her drink, gathered her belongings and headed back down the stairs. Glancing behind she was pleased to see he was behind her. Back through the airport, a short stop in the book shop, he was behind her all the way. Just before the monorail she stopped and he stopped right behind her. She asked him if he was following her and he smiled a lovely smile and agreed he was. He offered her a small cloth bag which he said she had left behind. Actually she hadn't but looking inside and seeing an array of adult toys she took the bag and agreed that indeed she had left it in the cafe.
Standing waiting for the train she felt a hand touching her leg, it travelled up her stocking top and briefly touched her bare bottom. She shivered with excitement enjoying the touch of his hand, before remembering that this was crowded place and that she didn't know this man and moving forward slightly. The train arrived and she stood facing the exit door. She could feel him standing close, his hands lifting her dress. Moisture erupted from her pussy as a cool breeze swept across her backside. She shook him off before edging back towards him for more. She wanted and needed this man and he seemed to want her,
She walked towards the lift to the car park and he followed. Inside the lift they were alone, they faced each other. Now he took her in his arms, kissed her and put his hands openly up her dress and felt her hot wet pussy. He asked her what she was at the airport for. She told him truthfully that she was there to find a man and he was the one. He told her he was a traveller and that he had been in a remote place where sexy women were far and few between. She observed his small rucksack and thought this unlikely.
They got into the front seats of the car, she in the driver seat, since this was her car and he again touched what would very soon become rightfully his. She was already close to the edge, could easily have cum there and then. But he took his hand away and instead undid the zip on his trousers. It was obvious what he wanted and she was happy to oblige.
In the middle of the 4th floor of the car park she leaned down and took his large, hard, smooth cock in her mouth.
The airport car park was busy, but finally she found a space on the 4th floor. Gathering her bag, and changing from flat sandals to heels she walked towards the lifts and the terminal building.
First stop was the ladies toilets. She needed to change from her sticky work clothes into something less heavy. Something short, something suitable for the occasion. Locking the cubicle door behind her she hung her bag from the hook on the wall and stripped off her skirt, top and bra (she was wearing no panties). She let all but the bra fall to the floor. Putting the bra inside the bag, she took out some stockings and a suspender belt bag and perched on the toilet. The stockings were smooth to the touch as she put them on. Running her hands up her legs, she shuddered slightly thinking about what was to come. Standing up in just stockings and shoes she set about attaching the suspender belt to the tops of the stockings. Lastly she took the little blue dress, and pulled it over her head, pulling it down to just below the tops of her stockings. She gathered up the work clothes and put them into her bag before emerging from the cubicle she headed towards the washbasins to apply her make up.
The airport had two terminals and she knew she was in the wrong one. She headed towards the monorail that connects them. She was excited, thrilled by what was about to happen, but at the same time nervous. Her dress was short, only just covering her bare newly shaved pussy, the air conditioning within the building made her feel cool for the first time in hours even though heat permeated from that area of her body.
The people around her were mainly casually dressed. Travel clothes, loose, cool. Some wore trousers, others shorts. No one appeared to be wearing heels, stockings. She wondered if anyone would look at her and notice. But actually no one appeared to.
Within minutes she emerged from the train, along with a throng of holiday makers with their heavy suitcases and strolled along the moving walkway towards her destiny. She reached a junction and rather than walk towards the check in desks as the people with suitcases did she took the route towards the arrivals hall.
This area was quieter than the monorail or the departure area and contained a number of coffee shops and other retail outlook. Ahead was a set of stairs, she climbed them slowly, but purposefully, mindful that a workman in a fluorescent jacket was standing within view and that there was a good chance he might be able to see up her short dress.
The coffee shop seating area was empty except for one man who was seated at the back by the wall. He glanced up over his reading glasses as she walked towards the counter and their eyes met. He was a smart looking traveller; wearing a light brown linen suit and a patterned silk shirt. This looked like an opportunity.
She bought a bottle of sparkling water from the counter, then taking the bottle and a glass walked to an adjacent seating area and sat down on the padded black seat. Having poured the water, she took a sip and looked across. He was looking at her. She looked down at her legs and pulled her dress up slightly so he could see her stocking tops and opened her legs a little, leaving him with no doubt what kind of a girl she was and what he could expect from her.
The minutes passed, she observed a group of airport police, complete with guns and a dog. Thinking she had better be less obvious. She swapped chairs thinking that this would give him a better view, without any chance of the police noticing but then found that the chairs in front of her prevented this. She also noticed that she was in full view of what seemed to be a staff room; she moved back. She didn't want to expose herself to them while hiding herself from her target.
She finished her drink, gathered her belongings and headed back down the stairs. Glancing behind she was pleased to see he was behind her. Back through the airport, a short stop in the book shop, he was behind her all the way. Just before the monorail she stopped and he stopped right behind her. She asked him if he was following her and he smiled a lovely smile and agreed he was. He offered her a small cloth bag which he said she had left behind. Actually she hadn't but looking inside and seeing an array of adult toys she took the bag and agreed that indeed she had left it in the cafe.
Standing waiting for the train she felt a hand touching her leg, it travelled up her stocking top and briefly touched her bare bottom. She shivered with excitement enjoying the touch of his hand, before remembering that this was crowded place and that she didn't know this man and moving forward slightly. The train arrived and she stood facing the exit door. She could feel him standing close, his hands lifting her dress. Moisture erupted from her pussy as a cool breeze swept across her backside. She shook him off before edging back towards him for more. She wanted and needed this man and he seemed to want her,
She walked towards the lift to the car park and he followed. Inside the lift they were alone, they faced each other. Now he took her in his arms, kissed her and put his hands openly up her dress and felt her hot wet pussy. He asked her what she was at the airport for. She told him truthfully that she was there to find a man and he was the one. He told her he was a traveller and that he had been in a remote place where sexy women were far and few between. She observed his small rucksack and thought this unlikely.
They got into the front seats of the car, she in the driver seat, since this was her car and he again touched what would very soon become rightfully his. She was already close to the edge, could easily have cum there and then. But he took his hand away and instead undid the zip on his trousers. It was obvious what he wanted and she was happy to oblige.
In the middle of the 4th floor of the car park she leaned down and took his large, hard, smooth cock in her mouth.
Sunday, 19 August 2012
One day
Today and tomorrow i will reaffirm my submission to myself by wearing no panties. i know Mrs Soft Bottom is exploring this side of herself and has for the first time gone to work commando. i have discovered that not only is having all my girly bits naked kind of invigorating i find it a reminder, all day long that i am doing this for Him and that i am His submissive. Soon i will be a slightly slimmer submissive who can wear my lovely corset for Him with pride.
Friday, 17 August 2012
Choices and their consequences
This has been a real summer of fun for me. Ever since those first online chats with Sir, where we flirted, played out a fantasy scene and then carried things on by phone, i have had the best time. Our real life relationship has mainly been about my learning to submit while enjoying some fabulous and wonderfully kinky sex.
Tori's post today on her blog Pain's Pleasure got me thinking about myself and TTWD (as Fondles would call it), and those who live the lifestyle full time. It got me wondering if any of us really think that this is just for fun; something that is just a game.
When i am with Sir, i have chosen to arrive at the place we have decided to meet at the given time. I have done this in the knowledge that there are expectations placed upon me that have been discussed in advance. i submit to those willingly since this is a consentual arrangement. Sir is not big on punishment, but at the same time i am never sure whether i might be spanked, clamped or restrained. i never know where Sir is going to chose to put his cock next. i relax into the submission, i am compliant, i submit to humiliation; to situations that wouldn't normally be part of what i would do.
I can always choose what i want to do, but everything i do has consequences.
My home life is quite different, and yet within it i also submit. This submission is more domestic in nature. i shop, cook, clean, wait on and clear up. i have made choices in my life that have led to this position. Those choices though have had consequences. i am still married, but the life i lead is not particularly fulfilling. To a certain extent i do as i wish, but at the same time i am always thinking about what the consequences will be. No one here will spank me, call me a slut or a whore, or expect me to kneel down before them. But that does not mean that i don't consider what i do and the consequences of my actions.
I have come to realise that real life is not a game, it is not a dress rehearsal it is real and it has consequences.
On Monday, i will meet up with Sir. We will have fun, we will have a good time (i hope). The scenes we are planning in public places have potential consequences both in the moment and in the longer term. Failure to submit, if i choose has consequences as does the decision i make to be the slut he desires.
The tales i have had to spin at home have consequences, but actually i do need fun and games in my life. BUT i always know that everything i do is not without its potential consequences.
Tori's post today on her blog Pain's Pleasure got me thinking about myself and TTWD (as Fondles would call it), and those who live the lifestyle full time. It got me wondering if any of us really think that this is just for fun; something that is just a game.
When i am with Sir, i have chosen to arrive at the place we have decided to meet at the given time. I have done this in the knowledge that there are expectations placed upon me that have been discussed in advance. i submit to those willingly since this is a consentual arrangement. Sir is not big on punishment, but at the same time i am never sure whether i might be spanked, clamped or restrained. i never know where Sir is going to chose to put his cock next. i relax into the submission, i am compliant, i submit to humiliation; to situations that wouldn't normally be part of what i would do.
I can always choose what i want to do, but everything i do has consequences.
My home life is quite different, and yet within it i also submit. This submission is more domestic in nature. i shop, cook, clean, wait on and clear up. i have made choices in my life that have led to this position. Those choices though have had consequences. i am still married, but the life i lead is not particularly fulfilling. To a certain extent i do as i wish, but at the same time i am always thinking about what the consequences will be. No one here will spank me, call me a slut or a whore, or expect me to kneel down before them. But that does not mean that i don't consider what i do and the consequences of my actions.
I have come to realise that real life is not a game, it is not a dress rehearsal it is real and it has consequences.
On Monday, i will meet up with Sir. We will have fun, we will have a good time (i hope). The scenes we are planning in public places have potential consequences both in the moment and in the longer term. Failure to submit, if i choose has consequences as does the decision i make to be the slut he desires.
The tales i have had to spin at home have consequences, but actually i do need fun and games in my life. BUT i always know that everything i do is not without its potential consequences.
Thursday, 16 August 2012
Early morning dreaming
We have chatted (and more) by phone, we have texted a bit and we have spent time together online (quite a bit this week). Virtual interaction is fine, but it isn't the same. You can't feel someone when you are online, touching yourself isn't the same as when they do it.
i have taken to thinking about Sir when lying in bed in the morning. The time when you wake, when you haven't yet moved. Or the time when i have brought my morning drink (hot water with lemon) back to bed and the news in droning on in the back ground. i think and i dream about what has happened before and what will happen next time.
i think of His cock. i think of how big it will be when it emerges from his trousers as i kneel before him. i think of how smooth it will be, how it will taste and how i will lick him and suck him. i think of how wet i will be as i suck, i think of how deep he will go.
i think of how He will restrain me, my hands cuffed. i think of my collar, which He will put on me as soon as we arrive at our hotel room.
i think of the nipple clamps. Of the way He sucks my nipples to prepare them. That feeling of pain followed by immense pleasure as He applies one clamp then the other. The pain and the pleasure when He pulls the little chain.
i think of the pleasure i get when He tells me: "you are wet slut" when He first touches my clitoris and how much more wet i become as He strokes me.
i think of Him taking me, using me, making me a whole person again. i think of the pleasure he gets from knowing that what we do together is reserved for him alone.
Sometimes, though not always, i make myself cum during these thoughts; often it doesn't take long. More usually though i just think and then get up, happy in the knowledge that however long i have to wait, one day sooner or later this will be real again.
Four days and counting!
Monday, 13 August 2012
Health and Fitness
As this is my journal, and i can write whatever i like in it, i have decided that once a week on Sunday or Monday i will update myself (and anyone reading who might have any interest) on how i have been doing and i will set myself some goals. My key aim is to lose about a stone (16lb or 6.3kg) in weight and to increase my fitness (hopefully get that tummy and legs toned a bit too).
I kind of started yesterday when i drank no wine (but did have 2 gin and slimline tonics) ate a turkey stir fry for dinner and went on a 4 mile walk with hubby, which was very pleasant as it was a lovely summers day. But from today i am starting this whole thing properly. So my goals this week are as follows:
No alcohol before Friday
Salad / something low fat and not processed for lunch
No bread before Saturday (ryvita all the way)
Aerobic exercise on at least 3 days (already done a half hour workout this morning)
A walk each lunchtime (so long as it is not raining)
No snacks other than fruit and definitely no cakes and biscuits at work (no matter how tempting)
i have a good incentive as when i evaluate this time next week, i will be seeing Sir in just a few hours and while he is unlikely to see that corset on that day, i hope it won't be too long before i can wear it and get some of the enjoyment littleone is so obviously getting from hers!
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Sunday Meme
I received this in an email from my Dad. Since it's Sunday and i don't have anything useful, kinky or thought provoking to write i have decided to post it here:
PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or
phrase is surprising or unexpected. Winston Churchill loved them.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound; some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14.Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound; some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14.Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Saturday, 11 August 2012
Wet Run
Standing in front of my bedroom mirror in shortish dress that adequately covered my stockings and some very nice silver heels (i never realised when i bought those shoes how hard it would be to find clothes that would match them), i lifted my dress for him. He couldn't see this of course, he was over a hundred miles away and we don't do that webcam thing (not my cup of tea), rather we use the old fashioned phone. i described what could be seen if i bent over. We talked though meeting as if strangers in a coffee shop, me dropping something and bending over, my sitting opposite him and how much he might see if he looked under the table at my open legs. We talked about the possibility of walking around a supermarket together while my nipples were clamped. These discussions and writing about it now have an amazing effect on me. I reported that i was wet and sir as usual allowed me to touch myself and to orgasm for him.
Given a chance i would always prefer to be with Sir in person, giving myself to him. But when that can't happen online chats and definitely phone chats are a useful. They help remind me of who and what i am. They help me remember that i am his slut (he particularly likes me to tell him i am his slut, his whore as i cum) and they help set me up for whatever else i am going to do.
I worked till just after lunch time (not that i actually ate lunch at lunch time) then i prepared a picnic for my brother, his girlfriend, hubby and i and we headed off to the races for an evening meeting. Wearing the knickers i had been wearing all day (different dress, no stockings) i was reminded frequently of what had happened during the morning and the discussions we had had. At the racecourse we sat on a blanket on the ground between races. With the start of the race though i got up, jumped about a bit to encourage my horse on (you have to embrace these opportunities for a bit of excitement). This whole process of sitting, standing and realising where your underwear is definitely serves as a reminder (Sir will love this bit),about what you were doing in them earlier.
We had a great time, i choose my horses on the basis of their name, or if i have heard of the jockey and was unsuccessful this time. Hubby who applies some kind of secret knowledge to his decision making had a few good wins. Trouble is he tends to get a bit carried away and bets away his winnings given half a chance, on this occasion though i extracted a wad of cash which he can have back tomorrow. While there is no profit, the evening cost us the price of the admission, so that seems like a reasonable result.
There was a concert afterwards. Tom Jones still has a great voice and performed well. But he spent more time on music from his latest album rather than classic stuff, it was crowded, we couldn't get close enough to see properly and my back was aching (too much sitting then standing and jumping). Shortly before the end, feeling peckish (just the picnic all day) we headed off to a very nice Chinese restaurant and had a simple, reasonably light but very very nice meal before heading home.
My assessment of the day? Lovely in every way!
Picture: Woman standing in front of a mirror, Christopher Wilhelm Eckersberg (1783-1853)
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Planning
With a month between meetings, we have little choice but to first reflect on what has been and then plan. What we had last month was really special, two whole nights together. Loads of experiences mixed together; collared, cuffed, kneeling, sucking, fucking and being fucked, dressing up, dressing down, sleeping in stockings, being humiliated, cumming lots and lots and lots.
Loads to talk about, to reflect on and to do again in the future!
We have had to wait mainly because it really is summer. For someone like me, involved in this kind of relationship, around these parts, August is particularly difficult. There are practically no work meetings at all, let alone any kind of opportunity for an out of town trip. Plus loads of people are on holiday, so if i could get away from home, i couldn't get away from work as someone actually has to turn up at work. Now i have no school age child, i no longer take my holidays when school is out. Therefore it is only my capacity for a good story and the fact my family can take care of themselves that allows even one meeting with Sir, over night i might add, during the month of August.
Now Sir knows about, and reads, this blog, i have to accept that he will pick up on the things i say. So when i tell the world that i am turned on by humiliation, he takes what he already knows (finding me very turned on by being made to wear slutty clothing along the seafront near his house), and adds to it what he reads here and comes up with some VERY humiliating ideas.
We are booked into a small guest house. At least this time we will both stay all night. I will be on my guard to ensure that either a) i take nothing embarrassing with me (which is unlikely) or b) i make sure anything that may cause embarrassment are in my bag when i leave. We are planning a scene in a very public place, where i am going to approach him and pick him up as if he were a stranger. This will involve me going to a meeting at work and then driving for an hour and changing for Sir in a public toilet. Then approaching him and getting him back to the B&B). The whole thing is both scary and very exciting.
This week, with my birthday, i have been preoccupied. However, my submission; my obligation to Sir has remained with me. I have made sure that on the two most important family days: my birthday and my night out with family, i have worn the underwear that Sir bought me. Whatever i have done, wherever i have been i have remembered that i am HIS. I just need to get through the next 12 days until i am actually able to show Sir that i am still his.
Loads to talk about, to reflect on and to do again in the future!
We have had to wait mainly because it really is summer. For someone like me, involved in this kind of relationship, around these parts, August is particularly difficult. There are practically no work meetings at all, let alone any kind of opportunity for an out of town trip. Plus loads of people are on holiday, so if i could get away from home, i couldn't get away from work as someone actually has to turn up at work. Now i have no school age child, i no longer take my holidays when school is out. Therefore it is only my capacity for a good story and the fact my family can take care of themselves that allows even one meeting with Sir, over night i might add, during the month of August.
Now Sir knows about, and reads, this blog, i have to accept that he will pick up on the things i say. So when i tell the world that i am turned on by humiliation, he takes what he already knows (finding me very turned on by being made to wear slutty clothing along the seafront near his house), and adds to it what he reads here and comes up with some VERY humiliating ideas.
We are booked into a small guest house. At least this time we will both stay all night. I will be on my guard to ensure that either a) i take nothing embarrassing with me (which is unlikely) or b) i make sure anything that may cause embarrassment are in my bag when i leave. We are planning a scene in a very public place, where i am going to approach him and pick him up as if he were a stranger. This will involve me going to a meeting at work and then driving for an hour and changing for Sir in a public toilet. Then approaching him and getting him back to the B&B). The whole thing is both scary and very exciting.
This week, with my birthday, i have been preoccupied. However, my submission; my obligation to Sir has remained with me. I have made sure that on the two most important family days: my birthday and my night out with family, i have worn the underwear that Sir bought me. Whatever i have done, wherever i have been i have remembered that i am HIS. I just need to get through the next 12 days until i am actually able to show Sir that i am still his.
Monday, 6 August 2012
Landmark
i feel that i am at a new place today, a place where in 50 years today, if i lived that long i would be 100. i don't feel bad about reaching this age, after all, doesn't life begin here (or was that 40)? i loved being in my 20's, but didn't much like 30 (hubby preoccupied, young child, career seeming to stagnate), 40's have been fine (i gained 2 degrees in that time and change my job 3 times) but as i have said before, ever so slightly unfulfilled.
This feels different, and not just because i met Sir 4 months ago. Actually making the decision to find out more about D/s and then the realisation that it was something i wanted to explore has been fulfilling in its own right.
i have taken today off, just because i wanted to. i don;t have a special place to go, or anyone particular to be with, but it feels good to have a day to think things through, to have space.
There are some loose plans, i wasn't to go out before 10. Some lovely flowers have arrived from hubby. i will speak to Sir at lunchtime, and am planning some very good sirloin steaks for dinner plus some champagne. Dinner out will be tomorrow (where i wanted to go doesn't open for dinner on Mondays). I have received some lovely pearls from my parents and a bunch of cards (even before the postman arrives).
A couple of funny things - son's present to me is currently at the post office (we went to collect it on Saturday being a small one it closed at 1pm and we arrived at 5 past). I rang my parents to thank them for my gift and they were in the middle of a crisis over the kindle we bought mum for her birthday yesterday. They get on reasonably well with technology but i think the kindle is going to take a little while for her to get the hang of. In the midst of the whole thing they didn't actually wish me happy birthday, though i did manage to smooth over their stresses!
Sir and i have plans to meet in a couple of weeks and last night began planning a new scene, which i will write about here as we get closer to the event. We will be spending the night together (yipee), so plenty to look forward to.
This birthday feels like it will be a bit of a landmark for me. i feel i am moving forward now into a place i want to be and that can only be a very good thing!
The beautiful flowers and card above were given to me on Friday from the folks at work.
This feels different, and not just because i met Sir 4 months ago. Actually making the decision to find out more about D/s and then the realisation that it was something i wanted to explore has been fulfilling in its own right.i have taken today off, just because i wanted to. i don;t have a special place to go, or anyone particular to be with, but it feels good to have a day to think things through, to have space.
There are some loose plans, i wasn't to go out before 10. Some lovely flowers have arrived from hubby. i will speak to Sir at lunchtime, and am planning some very good sirloin steaks for dinner plus some champagne. Dinner out will be tomorrow (where i wanted to go doesn't open for dinner on Mondays). I have received some lovely pearls from my parents and a bunch of cards (even before the postman arrives).
A couple of funny things - son's present to me is currently at the post office (we went to collect it on Saturday being a small one it closed at 1pm and we arrived at 5 past). I rang my parents to thank them for my gift and they were in the middle of a crisis over the kindle we bought mum for her birthday yesterday. They get on reasonably well with technology but i think the kindle is going to take a little while for her to get the hang of. In the midst of the whole thing they didn't actually wish me happy birthday, though i did manage to smooth over their stresses!
Sir and i have plans to meet in a couple of weeks and last night began planning a new scene, which i will write about here as we get closer to the event. We will be spending the night together (yipee), so plenty to look forward to.
This birthday feels like it will be a bit of a landmark for me. i feel i am moving forward now into a place i want to be and that can only be a very good thing!
The beautiful flowers and card above were given to me on Friday from the folks at work.
Friday, 3 August 2012
Embracing humiliation
Over the last 4 months, since meeting Sir, first online and on the phone and then in real life i have learnt to face the fact that i am actually turned on by feelings of humiliation. From the first time that Sir called me a whore and a slut on the phone, i have felt both disgusted and thrilled. Disgusted because it is ingrained within me that those terms are for people who are 'not like me', people who are cheap, who sleep around who show off their bodies in a demeaning way. Mind you i have always held a view that people can do as they wish, and don't believe i have actually ever described anyone as a slut anytime since i was at school, if then. Well who would know that actually i love to be called a slut myself, or indeed put myself in a position where i encouraged someone to call me such a name.
Last time i was with Sir, we went out with me, a middle aged woman (of course with him a middle aged man) dressed in what could only be described as provocative and 'sluttish clothing, The events of that evening led to me be more turned on than i probably have ever been before. Sir called me 'wanton' that night.
This week in the absence of any opportunity to see Sir for another couple of weeks, i have done what Sir likes and gone without knickers for 4 days out of 5. This might be something of a record, since i have worn trousers only one working day. i have felt exposed, i have thought the unlikely might happen and any moment i would trip over in the middle of the office and expose myself. Travelling on the escalator within a local department store i worried people would be able to see up my skirt, of course utter rubbish. I have embraced this whole process though, because it brings me back to who i am, who i want to be and what i want to be.
Today, under Sir's instruction i ventured out at lunchtime with no knickers and a butt plug where a butt plug goes. This was the ultimate in humiliation. No knickers and butt plug, the fear that it would fall out in the middle of town. Texting Sir, Him calling me a Slut (even if we missed chatting as i didn't hear his text come through was exhilarating. Never mind that i had to go to the supermarket toilet and remove the plug because there was a definite danger of it falling out in the middle of the fruit and veg aisle! I was turned on and remained on all afternoon.
All of this is setting Sir's creative juices flowing and he has ideas for some humiliating events in the future. i find this scary, it makes me anxious. Trouble is it also excites me. He has me eating out of the palm of his hand. i just can't help myself since there is no doubt i am his sub and he is one hell of a Master!
Last time i was with Sir, we went out with me, a middle aged woman (of course with him a middle aged man) dressed in what could only be described as provocative and 'sluttish clothing, The events of that evening led to me be more turned on than i probably have ever been before. Sir called me 'wanton' that night.
This week in the absence of any opportunity to see Sir for another couple of weeks, i have done what Sir likes and gone without knickers for 4 days out of 5. This might be something of a record, since i have worn trousers only one working day. i have felt exposed, i have thought the unlikely might happen and any moment i would trip over in the middle of the office and expose myself. Travelling on the escalator within a local department store i worried people would be able to see up my skirt, of course utter rubbish. I have embraced this whole process though, because it brings me back to who i am, who i want to be and what i want to be.
Today, under Sir's instruction i ventured out at lunchtime with no knickers and a butt plug where a butt plug goes. This was the ultimate in humiliation. No knickers and butt plug, the fear that it would fall out in the middle of town. Texting Sir, Him calling me a Slut (even if we missed chatting as i didn't hear his text come through was exhilarating. Never mind that i had to go to the supermarket toilet and remove the plug because there was a definite danger of it falling out in the middle of the fruit and veg aisle! I was turned on and remained on all afternoon.
All of this is setting Sir's creative juices flowing and he has ideas for some humiliating events in the future. i find this scary, it makes me anxious. Trouble is it also excites me. He has me eating out of the palm of his hand. i just can't help myself since there is no doubt i am his sub and he is one hell of a Master!
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