Sunday, 10 August 2014

Difficult conversations

Right now, my life if full of them.

Last week I had to deal with hubby's inability to move forward with what needs to happen to end our relationship. As I feel stronger and more secure in myself (and right now, I do),  I see it is the perfect time to get certain things out in the open. Plus as summer draws on, there is a realisation, that if I don't deal with things now, we will be in a new year before something happens.

Today, I took my parents out for lunch. Dad told me that every few days he feels just a little weaker, a little less able to do things. Today I noticed his difficulty in getting out of a chair after sitting a little too long. He told me about throwing an apple down the garden to frighten a cat (I know this isn't kind, but it is dad) and watching the fruit plop down just a short distance away. This from a formerly strong man who bowled for a local cricket team. He told me he just stood and laughed, so amazed by his own lack of strength. Discussions also touched on what to do with his car after he dies (mum doesn't drive), his life insurance and probate for his will. These conversations are difficult for us all, but we recognise that they need to happen. Dad observed that not everyone in the family is as willing as me to discuss these matters and the fact that we are able to is helping them both.

I have been a nurse for over 30 years and during that time I was a district nurse who cared for many patients at the ends of their lives. It is easy, as a member of the medical or nursing profession to think you know all about the process and the feelings that go with it. I find however that that is not the case. On some days I can use my experiences to help advise and support (especially when it comes to dealing with medical matters), but on others and increasingly it is difficult.

Of course these conversations are not unique to our family or indeed to me. Right now, though I am grateful to be able to have them. Not everyone does.


  1. Sending you hugs. Every day, you amaze me more on the inner strength you are allowing to shine bright. Such inspiration.


  2. Thanks. I seem to have found a new inner strength from somewhere (not sure it will last), maybe my birthday last week......

  3. The energy that people use in not addressing what needs to be talked about it huge. How much simpler to just look clear-eyed at what is and deal with it.

  4. Hugs....and as difficult as some talks are they are necessary...for peach of mind got the one who will know that his/her wishes will be followed, and for those left behind so they know that are doing just what they should.
    We have recently had the talk with my mom....never easy.
    hugs abby

  5. You are so right and difficult as we find these conversations, how much harder if you have never had them. I feel blessed to be able to spend this time with my parents in the way I can.