Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Am I the only one who didn't see?

Today I had lunch with my sister in law, Well the ex wife of one of my brothers. Our son's, cousins, are best friends and grew up together. We have more in common than we have differences in our lives these days, despite difficult times in the past. She told me that I look well, happy and like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This is interesting, since this week has been a struggle. I am tired, have been very very down. Plagued with hot flushes, and mood swings, this has been a difficult week and it is only Wednesday.

She told me that she wondered how I have remained in this marriage for so long. She told me that I deserve to be happy.

Last week, on her birthday my mum asked me not to bring hubby to her small gathering. She told my brother that he has made her daughter unhappy for years and she didn't want him there for her birthday.

I have heard a number of stories now, that he hit on other people as well as the affair he had early on in our marriage. The relationship he has now, which he says is platonic, has gone on longer than he originally admitted. To think that I spent so long worrying about my infidelity currently seems crazy.

Time after time, I hear that people are pleased I have made this change. That they can see I am now happy, where as for years I was not.

For years, I was pretty miserable. I thought no one saw. I never reached out because I thought it was a burden I should carry alone. I thought no one would understand.

For all the sadness I have felt this week, I sense I am close to happiness. I see my freedom within a hare's breath.

I feel sad now that I waited so long. But then again, since I didn't actually know what I needed, I am not sure I should feel that way.

Still, why did no one say any of the things they say now?


  1. Maybe they knew you were not ready to here to hear had to decide when you were ready to face reality and let go......your wonderful friends and family were supporting whatever place you happen to be in.
    hugs abby

  2. You should not feel that way. If you saw it sooner you may not have discovered this beautiful side of you.

  3. No one said anything to you sooner because they were wise enough not to offer unsolicited advice (It is almost never welcomed). Try not to give way to the temptation to be sad about the time spent doing what you did until now. Walking that path led you to this place. If you are happy with this place, then it was the right path to follow. Hugs, Sue

  4. They probably thought you weren't ready to hear what they were thinking.


  5. Because when a oerson is not 100% positive of where you stand with your spouse they do not want to alienate you by saying your spouse is a douch bag.
    Once it becomes known that you are no longer committed to that relationship they feel like they can tell you.

  6. Thanks everyone, you are of course right. I just hate that people have such a low opinion of him and feel that I should have recognised that before. Of course, as my sister in law said, he is a nice guy, it is just he isn't the kind of person I need to spend my life with any more. Your thoughts mean a lot to me, thanks xxx

  7. Because maybe they didn't feel it was their place to but in...and also maybe it was the fact that they respected you and didn't want to invade your privacy in some way....but am glad you are much better now. Maybe they just didn't want to hurt you but since they can see you've moved forward they feel easier about sharing.