Tuesday 26 August 2014

A girl's ramblings

I don't have anything specific to blog about today, so this is just going to be a mixture of the things going through my mind right now. What you might describe as a girl's ramblings.

Last weekend Master and i travelled to the south of France. My friends, who spend most of the summer in France were in the UK for a family wedding and a work colleague of hubby and his family had booked my apartment. It seemed like a good excuse for a short break to the sun. Timely as it turned out as the summer here has come to an abrupt end. We had an amazing time visiting a host of new places - all new for me and a couple new for Him. The trouble is, that these trips just give more ideas for future travel (not sure if that is a bad thing as such). The trip itself cost me more than the rental on the apartment, but who cares if you are having a good time?

Actually I do care and I am now looking into having a company manage the change overs next week so I can actually rent the place out and try to cover costs better than I have this year. Hopefully by then I will be more sorted in my personal life, certainly my marriage, home etc.

Hubby is now in France with his 'platonic lady friend'. Since he has been gone, he has texted me incessantly with inane questions that I am sure I had given him the answer to already. Even if I hadn't there is information in the apartment. What then is he up to? There is a pattern. He tends to communicate with me mainly by text, but when I am away he usually steps that up and sends text after text about what I am doing, what the weather is like etc. When he is away, there is usually nothing. But this time, on this trip the level of texts are getting me down. My dad suggested that he is trying to control me, to prevent me moving on with my life. He said also that I need to stop mothering him. I am not sure if control is the right word for him. But I know I have to stop replying. Master says - delete, don't reply. It is going to be a challenge to follow His advice / suggestion / order (probably the former unless I don't comply).

This weekend Master and I had a more relaxing weekend (not withstanding hubby's interruptions). Sometimes just chilling out is the thing to do, along with some home cooking (by me and then Him) and a couple of meals out. We are getting increasingly irritated that it is more challenging to find good food at a reasonable price in our pubs than it is to find good food when travelling. For some reason, despite the fact that British pubs are something of a dying breed, most are now chains that provide substandard offerings. Adequate yes, but definitely not good.

I also visited my parents a couple of times. Essentially it was my turn - my brothers were both working. As dad becomes weaker and struggles to walk distances it is a sad reality that he can no longer safely drive (due to medication). He also struggles to find the strength to lift and carry things. My mum is struggling with anxiety, not feeling safe walking out of the house. Neither are particularly old at 75 but they are frail (dad with cancer and mum has had several strokes). But visits are proving fun. We are chatting and laughing, enjoying each others company in a way we haven't for a long time. Going shopping with them is like a Darby and Joan outing. They have both developed a dark humour (when not complaining about something) and I am definitely embracing these last few weeks of being a girl with two parents.

My son's relationship with his girlfriend is blossoming (not withstanding a couple of days last week when he seemed to be over worrying their relationship) and they also are due to go off to France for a week soon.

Living here, now, in the moment I have to say that this girl is feeling pretty happy with life. This status quo might not last but for now, I am savouring what I have. I am feeling truly blessed with what I have. I just need to dump one very big monkey from my back!!


4 comments:

  1. Maybe that monKey needs to hear silence. The texts...he perhaps needs to learn the new boundaries. You have told him its over and he needs to internalise it. He needs to let go of his anxiety and live without you. I tend to agree with your M... delete...and its funny how much our fathers know about other men's motives and behaviours. Your Dad has been looking in from the outside for an awefully long time and probably understands your husbands behaviours more than you realise. I think its entirely possible that your hub is seeking to maintain some sense of control over you or the relationship because he thinks he can. He probably doesn't understand who you have become, He can't see it because he doesn't want to. The best way to teach him is take back the control over that relationship.
    I bet his 'platonic lady friend 'doesn't know he's texting you to find out where you keep the jam and what time the butcher opens...LOL

    xx L

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  2. Thanks little, wise words as ever. Going to really do what everyone is telling me and what I know I need to :)

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    1. I had another thought, is he really so silly to think that you believe a woman would let him stay at her house 4-5 nights a week if he is 'just a friend' a new friend at that, and not emotionally nd physically invested!
      He felt rejection when you told him about S way way back. He felt unloved and his ego (being a man) was dented. He found woman who would have him and he's having more sex than he's had in quite while...just like you. Still he finds it hard to let you go and who knows it may be more to do with the rejection and his ego, than his professed love for you. Dmn I cn be harsh can't I?

      Good luck my friend. i think of you often. xxx

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    2. Funnily enough I had dinner last night with a friend who I used to work with and who knows his lady friends quite well (though hasn't seen her in a while). She is of the same opinion as you, that the friend wouldn't allow him to spend weekend after weekend in her home, take him to meet her family, go on holiday unless there was much more to the relationship. Time to get tougher I think! Thanks for your thoughts, sensible and thoughtful as always xxx

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