I am away for a few days on my own. I say on my own, but actually, although I am here on my own in the apartment, I am really with friends. Last night was a birthday celebration, for someone I have known since I was about 5 years old. She was older, already 13 and as her teenage years progressed she adopted my mum as her 'big sister'/ 'surrogate mum', since, as many of us do, she had relationship problems with her own mum. Mine was younger, with young children. Over the years, I have become closer to her and her own family. Yesterday was her 60th - a young, fun 60. Many friends and family came together and celebrated with her.
I have had great fun. Have chatted, laughed and generally hung out. It has been lovely.
But I have been missing the feeling of control Master has been giving me. Which I think deepened when we were in Lisbon.
Yesterday as I got ready for my night out, my mood dropped and I could easily have just crawled into bed and stayed away from the party. I didn't and I pulled myself together. Late last night though, Master and I skyped and discussed my slight melt down.
Second, was the constant contact from the man who remains my husband in the legal sense. When I am home, days can go by without any contact at all. Even when he spends an evening at home, little meaningful conversation goes on. But when I am here, especially if alone, he does not leave me alone! Text after text come through, and if I don't respond then he sends another. Each text I send from France, costs money, so to be frank, I would rather only contact those I wish to and that doesn't include him.
These two things were sufficient to wind me up enough that I had my mini crisis as I showered and changed for the evening. Add to that the fact I bombarded Master with a good 6 or 7 texts, which were to be frank a little bratty, with no response and you have a girl who needs some guidance and yes, control.
As we sat across France from each other, He told me that He could see I need the control from Him. We talked about how I need to manage those outside influences. We talked about the fact that He doesn't mind if I bombard Him with texts, so long as I know He isn't going to respond to my bratty rants. I already knew that at the time mind you.
He asked me who I am and who I belong to - I am this girl and she belongs to Him, Master. When away from Him, they are the two things to keep in mind. Plus, to act in a way that He would want me to.
Today, He wants me to turn off my phone. I plan to do that - to have it with me, but to turn it off while I go about my day - to the local market soon and then to the beach. Tomorrow I leave for home and tomorrow night I can feel His control in person.
Image from For the Love of a Submissive