Wednesday 14 August 2013

New page

That is how it feels.

Perhaps writing my last post, about how lost I was feeling was significant. Maybe it made me turn some kind of corner and to decide what I want to do next.

My decision might surprise some people; it certainly surprises me.

I said there is no going back, and to some extent that's true. I will never again experience the freedom of thinking that whatever He tells me about his commitment to me, that actually he has no better offer. I will never be so naive as to believe that just because we have had sex today, I couldn't be told He is ready to move on. I bear the emotional scars of trusting too much, of believing that I wasn't emotionally involved when clearly I was.

But, it is not over, not completely.

I am going back.

I don't know if this will be a one off, going back or if it will be longer term.

Strange as it may seem, I still trust Him. He did what he thought was right, even if it turned out to be premature. I found out a lot about myself, certainly that I cared for Him more than I believed. I have been irritated by that, since I thought that I could take or leave what He was offering. Even taking account of the fact that I misjudged what was on offer.

I have discovered that I have needs I previously didn't know about. I have also confirmed that I can't just have those needs satisfied by anyone I meet (lovely as they may be).

He is free this weekend, he is unattached again.

I am free this weekend and as attached / un attached as I ever was.

What will happen when we meet, I don't know.

Things will be different from before, but how different I don't know until it has happened.

I am following my heart, but also doing what my head says is right for now.

Only time will tell whether my instincts are right!

12 comments:

  1. I am very happy for your newfound perspective and hope everything works out even better this time around. Would you mind sharing with us a little more why your Sir said it was time for him to move on?

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    1. Thanks buttercup and welcome. He is further down the road to a new life than I am, since I am still married etc. Plus the relationship is quite long distance. I think that sums it up.

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    2. That makes sense and thanks for the welcome. :) But still, you were moving down that same road too, it seemed? Anyway, I hope things turn out amazing for you. I know they will in some way. xxx

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    3. Thanks and I think they will too xx

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  2. I have learned that life only moves forward. Never backward. There are ways to move with it that may seem "safer" than others. However, in time, each of us will run out of days. At the end, it is my hope that I never have to say that I missed what might have been because I was afraid to take a chance...

    Good luck. I hope that the way ahead is full of joyful surprises for you.
    swan

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    1. Thanks Sue and yes, this does feel like a forward move despite appearing to be a backwards one. L am taking a chance, but hell, what have I got to lose right now?

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  3. Good luck joolz! You are a thoughtful person, I'm sure you've made the right choice for you right now!

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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    1. Thanks Fiona, I think I have, only time will tell :)

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  4. Hope it all goes well, just be careful and i mean that in a sincere way, you dont want to get hurt more.

    x

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    1. Thanks Tori, I am being very mindful of that, I definitely don't want to be hurt more than I have been. But it feels right so I will do it! xx

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  5. Sweetie, I'm happy for you. Just go. Enjoy. You can reflect and think later. Take the weekend to just have fun.

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