Saturday, 10 August 2013


I think it might be true to say I have lost my way a little here. I am struggling to move on, to work out how to get through the mess that is my life right now.

Well of course my life doesn't seem to be a mess to those around me. People tell me I have a great opportunity to be happy, to do exactly as I want. This of course, is what I wanted (hubby loves to tell me that).  I have a new job, which is going to be great, I know. I am excited about my employment prospects and potential earnings. I am excited about the new apartment in France, though wish I could be there more than I will be able to due to work (not enough days in the week).

Things with hubby are just the same, truth be told. He is away more than he is here, but I seem to lack the will / ability / nerve to tell him to leave permanently. I am frightened of upsetting the status quo on that one. We have been together for so very long it is hard to do things without consulting with him and at the same time he wants the contact from me. I need someone to discuss things with, and to be honest there isn't anyone else. I have friends, some very good ones, but I don't think that I want to use them as my daily sounding board.

I know what I need, I need a Sir. I need a man who can help me make sense of my life and who can take control. There are one or two people out there who would probably take up that mantle, if I let them. But to be truthful it is not them I want.

I would like some good sex, kinky or not (preferably the former), and I would happily submit. Trouble is I can't do that with just anyone, there has to be a connection of the right kind. As a woman who has in truth been with only two men in all of my 51 years, I am not about to go off and find just anyone!

I know I will get over the hurt I still feel. I know there is no going back, but it is really hard to know how to make that happen and quickly. Especially as it seems that He doesn't actually have anyone else anymore. I guess I should feel glad that it didn't last, and in a way I am, but actually I would like to see him happy. And me, I want to be happy too, but I really am lost right now!


  1. HUGS sometimes there isn't words to comment but know I wish the best for you and hope the hurt passes soon.

  2. You will get over it like you said but its going to take time, you learnt a lot from those experiences and in a way it liberated you...and thats a good thing surely?

    You will be happy, i hope you find that soon,



  3. Thanks both of you. All of this is definitely going to turn out to have been for the best.


  4. Hi Joolz, such big changes. You are a smart woman and you know 'quickly' has its dangers. Just use caution and know that you are loved by all those people in your life.(at the risk of sounding sickly sweet I just had to state the obvious).
    You know my email...happy to take up the mantle of sounding board..I know exactly what you mean when you say you don't want to bother your friends everyday. Anyway won't say anymore here...

    1. Thanks L, it is great to have so many people out there who know what I mean and who I can turn to xx

  5. Oh Joolz, I'm so sorry. Damn, it's just hard sometimes!


    1. Yes it is. But feeling more positive. More to come in the next few days xx

  6. hugs hugs and more hugs sweetheart! may i suggest some chocolate n peanut butter sandwiches?

  7. Chocolate is fine, not keen on the peanut butter, but thanks :)