Struggling to cope with my life this weekend. A weaker person might throw in the towel, one way or the other, but i am not a weak person. i am however struggling with my inner voice, the one that alternately tells me to tell hubby the truth and then to keep up this facade.
i haven't heard from Sir since Friday. i am a little annoyed about this, though i know it is probably because he is busy with his children. i expect we will chat later tonight, but again i am fighting my inner voice that wants me to ring him, text him, email him or all three. i just sent an email with a link to a website i think he might like and saying that i hope that he is having a good weekend. But i want to say so much more.
Last night i drank too much; some wine, followed by two G&Ts. i started on hubby but he knows better than to rise to me in that situation. i shouldn't have had the gin, it brings out the inner me and i need it hidden right now. Luckily, i was very tired and sensibly went to bed.
i suppose i never thought all of this would be easy, but at the same time, i didn't realise how difficult it would be to keep the inner me in its place. Question is though: am i doing myself a disservice by keeping it out of site?
It is a difficult thing Joolz, frustrating, a screaming moment. Wanting hub to come to the party, to understand your needs, and Sir, unreachable and occupied elsewhere. You need Him to be there when you feel like this I expect. Take a deep breath and let it settle until your mind is calmer. Thinking of you.
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You are so right littleone, thanks for your thoughts and support. J x
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