For the first time in 30 years, hubby and I have been apart this Christmas. Indeed I have not seen him for 6 days. In that time, there have been a number of texts and one, quite unpleasant phone conversation on Christmas morning. I have spent time with our son, he and I have spent time on Christmas day with my parents and on boxing day with hubby's family.
From Christmas eve morning until boxing night I felt very low. Probably worse than I have felt for many months. I wasn't tearful like I was when S told me things were over between us in the summer, but I just felt low. Felt that everything was a chore, too much effort. But, because I am a reasonable actress and because I hate people being sorry for me, I pulled myself into shape and got on with things. My son and I exchanged presents on Christmas morning (a lopsided exchange of course), he gave me a lovely hug and was very attentive. Then we set off for a quiet Christmas day with my parents. When we arrived, unknown to me, I had been assigned the task of cooking Christmas dinner. I don't remember being asked, but as ever, I got on with things, and this year it was a small event. Later my teenage niece nephew arrived and we played some fun games. I went to bed feeling somewhat happier than I had in the morning.
On boxing day evening we went off to a family party hosted by hubby's parents. This was an awkward event. They asked me about what hubby was up to, when he had decided to help the homeless etc. I know little of what he has been up to and as far as I know he decided to help the homeless so he wouldn't have to face his and my family at Christmas. Still I pulled it off and my son told me later I did a good job.
So tomorrow, hubby is apparently putting in an appearance. I am hoping we can at least have a small amount of family time. This is part of my desire, from son's tone of voice when I told him, it is not his particularly. But we will see.
I am hopefully heading down to visit S for new year. I hope that this will help me gather the emotional and physical strength to face the things I need to in the first few days of January. You can't act in the way hubby is now and expect things to return to normal (no matter what he may think).
My new year hope is that I have some very kinky things to write about on this blog by this time next week.
Joolz: I am sorry to read that this is a time of difficult transition for you. Good for you for making sure that your son's Christmas was a settled and pleasant one, in spite of the difficulties. There is value for everyone in keeping things on an even keel as much as possible, regardless of what you and your husband decide about the future. Children really do need this and so do we. Try to engage your husband and find out what is going on in his head without making him defensive (which will close him down). It sounds to me like there is a lot of hurt on both sides and sharing those feelings with one another might give you something to work with. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteWow, joolz, that sounds so … strained and tedious. I am sorry that it wasn't a joyful time, but I understand how that goes. You are a rock star for making it as positive for you and your son as you could. That is fabulous!
ReplyDeletehugs,
fiona