Friday, 21 September 2012
6 month review
i am about to reach something of a milestone in terms of the relationship i have with Steve. i will call him that in this post (possibly interchangeably with Sir), since he has revealed that as his name. We are approaching our 6 month review - 1st October will mark the 6 month anniversary of the first day that we chatted online. Since i will be in France on 1st Oct (hubby and i leave on Monday for a 9 day holiday), today is the day for my review.
Everyone has said that i have come a long way since then, and they are right. i almost feel like a different person, different but perhaps the same. i am still the caring wife, mum, daughter and friend. i still feel that i hold in so much of myself, that they don't know the real me - maybe that is more true with them than it was then. Since i have a new part of my life, new experiences that none of them know about. But at the same time i have a whole range of people to share with. With Steve of course, and we do share a lot with each other, about our ordinary vanilla lives as well as TTWD. But i also have a lovely group of fellow bloggers, most but not all of them fellow women, fellow submissives who are themselves on some kind of journey (some at the beginning like me, others further along), all of us managing our day to day lives as well as our relationships.
At the start of this, i knew deep down that i was submissive, and that i needed that side of me to come out. i knew that i was curious about bondage, about exploring pain and its association with arousal, and i wanted to find out about D/s relationships. i could hardly have foreseen, however how many new experiences i would have had or how much it is possible to be fulfilled by them. Steve was nervous posting comments here as he thinks i have built him up as some kind of super person, and that by showing himself, i and others would be disappointed. Maybe i have portrayed him as almost perfect, but then i am kind of smitten by the relationship we have developed together. Plus i have little to compare him with (except hubby and they are not alike in any way). Of course no one is perfect, so he shouldn't worry. Also since i only see him every few weeks and since we don't have to face the daily grind together i barely need to consider his short comings, and anyway they are not related to what we do when we are together. I have found a friend though, someone i can confide in, someone with whom i can share my hopes and fears. Someone i can be honest with. For me, Mrs secretive that is a big thing.
The other big thing for me is that finally, as i approach middle age (i read this week that middle age now starts at around 55, so i have a way to go), i am sexually fulfilled. If i say that sex has been one big let down i would not be lying. i always knew that there was more to explore, but i really didn't know just how much. When you read books, it is hard to tell how much is for real and how much is invented for the story. i didn't have much else to go on. Hubby and i were both virgins when we met, our sex life has been dull (particularly for me) and even when he strayed into an affair, little seemed to have been learned. It is not all about him, i have not been good at expressing my needs, i have not exactly encouraged us to find out what they are. He is more interested in his own needs than mine, but at the same time i have not really helped. I now know what i like, think i like and am pretty sure i will give most things a go (within reason). Steve has helped me to explore my inner slut, and boy is she beginning to show herself!
Our most recent conversations have been about the extent to which i am developing into something of a pain slut. Who knew that would be something i would embrace quite so well. He thinks a riding crop would be a good next step. i think why not? We have some dates for the next couple of meetings which always does wonders for morale, as for what we will do, where we might go and what scenarios may be played out who knows? I am sure there will be a corset, there will be some implement with which to spank me, there will be something to tie me to his lovely bed and there will be lots of kinky sex. Also though there will be nice food, laughter, chat about nothing in particular and there will be time snuggled together just touching and kissing.
I have loved the last 6 months Sir and i am looking forward to more.