Time to myself

For the first time in about a week I have time to breathe, to relax and to do as I wish unwatched. Hubby has gone out with friends and won't be back till morning.

It is not true that I am completely alone since my son is upstairs in his room. We have both been to work today and so while I relax downstairs he is playing with his Christmas presents upstairs (he is 21 but who can deny a young man a new computer game and half a dozen CDs).

A truce was called over Christmas while hubby and I decided not to bicker and argue with each other; it led to peace and a kind of relaxation not found in these parts for at least a month. We are getting on ok, though of course the undercurrent of my relationship with Sir is there. I don't blame hubby for the things he says or for the way he acts towards me. But I cannot undo what is going on here.

Over the last week we have had a reasonable amount of sex. This is something different for us, because before the last few weeks we hadn't done so since at least February. Trouble is, what we have together in the bedroom isn't enough and I can't get what I need from him. I can't submit to him even if I could. At some point during those first few days when I came clean, I told him I needed to be dominated.

For some reason he has taken to calling me a dirty bitch, in bed.

It just sounds so wrong.

Another reason i am feeling quite so chirpy today is because i had a chat with Sir today. He sensed i was feeling good and i think that a bit of that rubbed off as His Christmas has been less cheery given a work / ex-wife combo of difficulties.

i know it is wrong, but i can't wait to see Him. i will probably have to wait until my son goes back to uni, but when we do get together it will definitely be worth it.

Because i haven't been online for the last couple of weeks, i haven't had chance to catch up with everyone else. But i have the whole evening ahead of me and i intend do so right now.

I hope everyone has had a good Christmas time; lets all hope for a great, kinky New Year!

A better day

After my brief, but miserable update last night, I am pleased to say I am feeling a whole lot better. While I still don't have a job post April, I do have one now. What is more I have had some time today to discuss things with colleagues and to reflect. I have found another job to apply for and have chatted to that particular boss.

I have also spent an hour with Sir (through the power of Skype). That has helped me immensely. He has a way of making me feel so much better. He is great at listening and then of making me smile; perhaps that is one of the reasons I value his opinion so much. After half an hour or more of good vanilla chat, we moved on and discussed what we would like to be doing with each other. As ever this made me very wet. I was then pleased to show him that I was wearing stockings and suspenders, no knickers, which I know pleased him.

That time together was just what I needed. I was allowed to cum and for that I am both grateful and a little fulfilled this afternoon. We chatted about the upcoming Christmas festivities and about me visiting him in the new year. We also reflected on the great things we have done over the last 9 months.

Today, then I am feeling a whole lot happier and extremely grateful. For him and for the lovely friends I have made through my blog - thanks for all of the support you give me guys.

Plus I only have 2 more working days till I finish for Christmas and that I might say is a very good thing!

Bad to worse

There is no kinkiness in my life right now, just a life trying to pacify hubby and the need to sort out a job.

I work for the Health Service in England and we are being massively reorganised. My current job will not exist after April and I have been required to apply for a new job. Today, two things happened. Firstly I received a letter telling me I am now at risk of redundancy (if I fail to find another suitable job by the end of March) and Secondly I failed to secure the job for which I was interviewed last Friday. I have been offered a lifeline in that though I failed to reach the required level during interview I have been asked to reapply (quite strange I know).

What I would like now is to be with my Sir.

I would like to be able to submit to Him. I would like to be bound, wearing a corset perhaps, being taken from behind.

I don't know when I can next be with Him. But I know it is what I want and what I need.

Other than that, I don't really know what to say........

I have Christmas presents to wrap and instead I will head off to wrap them..........

Struggling on

My access to the computer and particularly anything involving typing is restricted right now to times when I am alone. If my aim in all this had been to make hubby notice me, to make him want to hold and touch me, then I have succeeded. Some days are reasonable, we can talk like adults, go about our normal life but with the added bonus of improved communications between us. We actually speak to each other during the course of an evening other than to discuss what dinner was like or what we think of a TV programme. This is definitely an improvement and a good thing. Also he is helping in the kitchen with peeling potatoes and the like, he even cooked me poached egg on toast. He is also a hindrance, since when I am cooking he wants to hold and kiss me and that can be just a little on the irritating side if you want to get things done.

His mood does turn on a knife edge though. One minute we can be having a reasonable conversation and the next he is off on a rant. Telling me that I don't really want to be there with him but off with Sir. He tells me that he will never fulfil me like Sir does, that I am just biding my time until I leave him to set up home by the sea. No matter what I say in response he looks at  me knowingly.

Trouble is I don't actually know how much of what he says is true (other than the fact that I am not going to be living with Sir, though I would be happy to live by the sea). On one hand I am pleased we actually notice each other but on the other I don't need to be glued to any other human being in this way of an evening.

The day and night with Sir just over a week ago now was wonderful. Not only was I able to reaffirm my submission to Him, but I also got some much needed breathing space. Sir looked after me in a completely different way - yes it involved clamps, cuffs and some great spanking. But it also involved a long, long walk and some lovely food and wine. It really was just what I needed.

The following days were very challenging and at times I wondered which of us, hubby or I were most likely to crack under the strain. Last weekend we went away with a whole group of people to Germany. This involved spending 4 days and nights with hubby no less than 4 feet from me (or so it felt). So much so that if I touched my phone he was convinced I was about to email or text. No couple can live in this way and there were times when I wanted to run away from him. I know that he loves me and fears that he will lose me, but to be honest that option becomes more desirable the more claustrophobic I become.

There are no plans to see Sir before Christmas but I really wish that it was possible to do so. For the benefit of a peaceful time though I know it is best that I let the dust settle a bit.

My son is home from University on Saturday and I need him to return to the home he knows, not the strange place it seems to have become.